Part 7: Increment CounterUpdate 7: Increment Counter
(Alternate title: Mirror, Mirror.)
(Alternate alternate title: Where in the World is CarmenSandiegomon?)
Actual title: Stop Hitting Yourself
Man, I'd be sold on that last one if I weren't so married to the shitty programming joke.
Click for ambience!
Last time, I ended up getting just a bit angry, but we've made it to the South Sector at last. There shouldn't be much trouble - hopefully it'll be in, out, and off to West or North Sector.
Yeah, right. This game and brevity are mortal enemies.
Click for music!
That being said, fuck actually progressing. I have something much more important to do.
And this LP, too, apparently.
Namely, these two schmucks.
Andy's Groupie: Andy is going to be the World Champ!
Tamer Andy: I am Andy yah. A genius tamer from Switzerland! Naturally, I am the Server Champ! I'll prove it by showing you my powers.
Tamer Andy: Digimon Battle is fine, yah?
Yes, yes yes yes yes! OH MAN am I looking forward to this fight!
The fuck kinda accent is this. That ain't swiss...?
Click for music!
Not you, get the hell out of my way.
Dinohumon proceeds to do quad-digit damage. Weaknesses are great.
You! Yes, you! Die for me, please?
(This is Tuskmon, I'll talk about him later when he actually shows up as random battles.)
Big Digimon, small name.
The important thing about Tuskmon, however, is that they have a chance to drop this. This is instrumental in breaking the game, so getting one a whole Sector early is a major power boost.
Counter Crests are our first real Accessory - sure, we could get a Water Power 1 from fighting Seadramon, but they were a bit too strong back in East Server, so this is likely our first one. Its effect, when equipped, allows the Digimon to counter any physical move, dealing an equal amount of damage to the attacker. This damage is then run through the elemental property filter, so if you have an elemental boost to one of your attacks (like, say, the Water Power 1 we get from Seadramon) it'll get modified from there. If you hit a weakness, you actually do more damage than they did to you.
That sounds fucking GROSS. Lemme guess, enemies spamming Magic becomes abundant late-game.
Lemme try it out!
No I want to hurt you
Just don't hurt Mr.Fuzzums. NONE OF YOU HURT MR. FUZZUMS.
Tamer George: I'll show who's the boss in Digimon Battle![...sic?]
Alright, so this guy also has two Digimon. He leads with Vademon, whose regular attacks can put your Digimon to sleep. Sleep is an irritating status effect, especially since it's entirely possible to wake up and then immediately be put back to sleep. Fortunately, sleep can wear off even when the Digimon is swapped out, so if your partner does get afflicted, just swap them out for another one and keep doing so until you finally have a chance to punch Vademon's face it.
Of course, it'll only put your Digimon to sleep if it gets a chance to attack. Dinohumon's sword to the face suggests otherwise.
(Again, I'll go over all the new faces when we finally have a chance to fight them in random battles unless they're Tamer-unique monsters, or the signature monster of a Leader/Rival/other important person.)
His second Digimon is Thundermon, another one of the 'round ball with arms and legs' Digimon. I don't know why that particular shape is so popular, but it really is... Every member of the Mamemon line, this guy, Nanimon...
Because it's lazy as shit.
Thundermon likes throwing out Thunder Gemini, a fairly powerful Thunder-type attack.
I had to sandbag for a while (thanks, Dinohumon, for learning Small Heal) just to get this to happen, but here we go!
Bruce Lee, is that you?
See? Equal damage. Not so useful right now, since Dinohumon hits for over 700, but every little bit counts, right?
The reason, though, that Counter Crest is so broken is that the devs made a mistake when coding how it works. For whatever reason (a bad line of code, a poor if check, whatever) the Counter Crest triggers every. SINGLE. TIME. Coupled with my ridiculously high speed, that means I get two to three attacks to their one, depending on the attack.
Excuse me while I go laugh maniacally at the poor, tattered shreds of this game's difficulty.
Zero tension in alll gameplay videos from now on, people. Not that there was any to begin with.
Oh hello. I didn't, uh, realize that you'd be... right here...
Oh shit it's a Legendary. SAVE YOUR GAME. STOCK UP ON ULTRA BALLS.
So hey guess what we found MetalGreymon, guys
MetalGreymon: ...hm? What?
Kite: Hey, MetalGreymon. I have a favor to ask... Can I get an Agumon DDNA sample from your DDNA?
MetalGreymon: Ummm, sorry, but I can't give it to you that easily. If you really want it, you'll have to win it from me!
Bring it on
This dude just told Kite to get a blood sample by punching him in the face.
!!! MR. CUDDLES!
Location: Bulk Swamp
Drops: Agumon DDNA
3 STR, 4 DEF, 4 SPR, 2 WIS, 1 SPD,
5 FIRE, 3 WATER, 1 ICE, 3 WIND, 2 THUNDER, 4 MACHINE, 3 DARK
EXP: 160, BIT: 340
Regular Attack: No Element
Technique: Giga Destroyer (Magic, Machine element)
Please note that the stat spread is a rough estimate based on the Digivolutions boosts. I can't find any hard data on him. I can't say for certain how effective certain attacks would be.
Regardless of that, MetalGreymon's kinda tough. He's our first real Ultimate fight; the others don't count, since they're plot-gated, but this guy is entirely optional and so has the difficulty to match. I'm going against him with just Dinohumon because Dinohumon is ridiculously strong against him (thanks to 1. the Zweihander from the Heavy Armory and 2. Frost Cutter.)
His signature attack is the Giga Destroyer, where he shoots grinning missiles out of his tits.
...MR. CUDDLES COMMANDS YOU TO SUCK HIS TITS, PUNY DIGIMON.
Hey, remember how I said that Counter Crest triggers on every physical attack?
Boom! Ultimate down. It helped that even though Giga Destroyer did 600 damage, Small Heal healed more than that, and Dinohumon got two turns to MetalGreymon's one. Without that, I'd be stuck in a sandbag loop (I'd only get to attack twice before having to heal for about 6 turns, assuming worst-case scenario of constant Giga Destroyers).
Mr. Cuddles, no.
MetalGreymon: Well, I did make a promise... Use it well!
Kite: Yeah, I got the Agumon DDNA! Thanks, MetalGreymon!
We'll drop that off later.
If we head south from there, that leads us to the Bulk Bridge. There's one new encounter here, and it's a plentiful one:
This thing makes fun of itself.
Location: Asuka South - Bulk Swap, Tranquil Swamp, Bulk Bridge, Jungle Grave
Drops: Ice Power 1
3 STR, 3 DEF, 4 SPR, 4 WIS, 3 SPD,
2 FIRE, 3 WATER, 1 ICE, 2 WIND, 1 THUNDER, 2 MACHINE, 2 DARK
EXP: 41, BIT: 85
Regular Attack: No Element
Technique: Confuse Gas (Magic, Chance of Confuse)
Confuse is a status effect that's pretty funny. I'll show it off as soon as I get afflicted with it, but unfortunately my Digimon have evaded every Gekomon's attack and then slaughtered the offender in one shot. ...Oops? I'm sure we'll get it eventually, probably at the most annoying time if my luck is any indication.
The only other encounters Coelamon, who isn't much of a problem anymore, and the green Yanmamon. The Cardmon in the trees have upgraded too - they now have two boosters on their heads instead of just one.
I hope you like brown, since that's the defining color palette for the first half of this Sector.
Boring and putrid.
Tamer Mei Lin: There are many tamers in China too! Then let's Digimon Battle! I'll show you my Digimon kung-fu style!
So, would that be a kung-fu style based on Digimon attacks, or her showing us her Digimon, kung-fu style? Punctuation is important, you know.
Yeti without Giver is nothing. Punctuation can't save you now.
Her first twerp is a DemiDevimon. I don't know what it does, I kill it in one hit.
Her second partner is a Bakemon, a random ghost digimon with what has to be a fantastic dentist on retainer. It gets an attack off, but only because the initial turn ALWAYS lets the opponent go.
Also, remember that we just fought a ghost, please.
OOooooo! Spooky scary skeletons!
"But everything looks the same. I wanna go- " SHUT UP PIKACHU.
Bulk Bridge is kind of a shithole, with muddy water and loose planks everywhere, but it at least has some redeeming qualities such as the Tin Mail inside this chest. I can sell it for money.
Kite looks so sad and why the FUCK is Pikachu dancing. And the other two are looking at their feet. What is this? Annoy Giver day?
You might be able to see the eponymous bridge off to our left, but we won't be going there yet.
What the hell is going on with these Pokemon.
Wait, a different bridge?
First, there's a path to the west that we want to take that leads us to the Tranquil Swamp.
I'm not entirely sure what those crop circles are supposed to be.
Ghostbuster Puck: That was a ghost... I'm sure of it!
Eh, that's fine, we just punched out a ghost seven images ago.
But he's supposed to be 'fraid of no ghost.
Click for music!
This is the Shaman House. (Ignore the title of the music, it's a thirty-second spoiler.)
As soon as we take a step inside, however...
Kite: Huh? That's weird. There's no one here.
Kite: !!! What's that?! ...it's a ghost!
Kite then books it like a
ARGH! Kite, you just punched out a ghost! Why are you so scared of this?!
I actually kinda like the scenery here. It's less brown than the rest of Bulk Swamp.
Tamer Jessica: Playing this game when you're young... You are so lucky.
fite me already
The Giver disease has taken hold. One of the first symptoms is asking random people to 1v1 you.
Sadly, we can't fight Tamer Jessica yet, so, let's check out this house. Surely this one's not haunted, too?
It's not, unless you consider inns haunted by default.
Gatomon: We're all here to learn how to become managers of the Inns.
Excellent. Now, because there's an Inn right here, I take the opportunity to get a little bit of grinding done. We're powerful enough to handle the aquatic Cardmon and the Seadramon, so it's a good spot for fishing. In the US version of Digimon World 3, you can fish as many times as you want; in the PAL release, you have to leave the screen after a certain number of fights to refresh it.
Kotemon Lv. 13 -> Lv. 15
-Dinohumon Lv. 36 -> Lv. 41
-Dinohumon learned Double
Patamon Lv. 13 -> Lv. 15
-Angewomon Lv. 2 -> Lv. 17
-Angewomon learned Antidote at Lv. 15
Renamon Lv. 13 -> Lv. 15
-Stingmon Lv. 9 -> Lv. 20
-Stingmon learned Poison
-Renamon unlocked Growlmon Digivolution (Stingmon Lv. 20, Renamon with 80 base DEF)
I had to fix those for Yeti because he is getting the Pokemon movesets all WRONG. Do you even know what game you're playing?
Anyway, now that that's taken care of, let's keep exploring Bulk Bridge. (You might see part of the area's namesake to our top right.)
The west has this wide-open area with nothing in it, not even a kickable tree.
Solid exploration design.
EVERYWHERE LOOKS THE SAME
The east has a path that leads to a place called Bios Swamp, but we can't do anything there until later, so let's ignore it for now.
That just leaves the South for progression.
Click for music!
This is the Jungle Grave. It's a little more green than the Bulk areas, so that's a point in its favor. I like the music, too, so that alone makes it better than those Bulk areas. Who thought it was a good idea to make the BGM just random hoots and insect cries, anyway?
There's only one new encounter in this part of the area:
Location: Asuka South - Jungle Grave (before Zanbamon), Catacombs, Catacomb Back Entrance
Drops: MP Chip
3 STR, 3 DEF, 5 SPR, 3 WIS, 1 SPD,
2 FIRE, 2 WATER, 2 ICE, 2 WIND, 2 THUNDER, 2 MACHINE, 2 DARK
EXP: 155, BIT: 330
Regular Attack: Dark Element
This guy is really out of our league. This isn't even in the same level as MetalGreymon. Musyamon can and will fuck you up if you run into him, so it's suggested that you just run when you encounter him. The other encounters are the same.
Now who's the pussy?
The game suggests it, not me.
The area is a bunch of tiny sandbar-esque islands with moldy wooden bridges connecting them. It's less a path and more a series of connecting tiny islands. It hardly seems permanent, since the -
HAHAHAHAHA, YES. KILL HIM.
See this? THIS is why you run when you encounter Musyamon. My regular attack did 48 damage to him.
Of course, I had the Counter Crest equipped, so get fucked.
He tried to step through the looking glass, and it punched him in the face.
Basically, everything in this place is either not very permanent, or is falling apart.
"I don't wanna be here... There is an angry bird about to kill me." Fucking wimp-ass Pikachu.
There's a lot of false starts, and branching paths that don't really lead anywhere.
At least we have more green this time, and not all brown.
Eventually, though, the color of the sand shifts. This is our destination, right here. Through here is Suzaku City, and the next leader.
Oh damn, those faces in the dirt set the tone well. If only we were going into a creepy area.
If you get into an encounter here, it's a different background. I like this one more than the regular swamp background. (Also pictured: Musyamon owning himself)
Unfortunately, we have THIS lardass blocking the way.
Zanbamon: Hey, wait! waiiiiit![sic] I'm not going to let you pass through here!
Kite: You've got to be kidding. I need to go over there!
Zanbamon: Then try to beat me. Of course, I never lose! Ha ha ha ha!
Kite: Yeah right! There's always a first time!
Click for music!
So, Zanbamon. Despite the music, he's not a real boss. The reason for this?
After getting hit with one attack, the game immediately makes you run. Since I still had the Counter Crest equipped, this led to a stupid little thing where Growlmon started to run, then attacked, then ran away. (You can tell this is forced running because of the message; if the player runs, it's different text. [Partner] Run away! instead of [Partner] Running away!)
WHY. JUST HAVE THE PLAYER LOSE.
Bite me, jackass. I would have won by letting you hit me and then hitting you back just as hard.
Zanbamon: You're no match for me!
Kite: Man, what's going on! Just watch, I'm going to win! I'll be back!
Zanbamon: You're all talk, kid! Ha ha ha ha!
And then we're unceremoniously kicked out into Bulk Bridge. At least we didn't need to walk out, so thanks for small mercies, game. And I checked - you get one fight with Zanbamon, and if you go back for more he just taunts you. I tried my hardest - no matter what, Zanbamon doesn't do enough damage to let the Counter Crest kill him off, and his defenses are pumped up to make sure you don't get a chance to kill him yourself.
Man, this railroading.
So now, we have no hints what to do next.
So let's go talk to the innkeeper. That's what you usually do in RPGs, right?
Gatomon: Sepikmon in Shaman House should be able to do something... But we haven't seen him in a while. I wonder why...
Well, let's try this again. Now that we hopefully know it's not a ghost (I'm not ruling out anything, given how dumb Kite seems to be) he shouldn't run.
: Woo... ...wooo!
Kite: You must be Sepikmon.
: Wooo... ...cough! Cough! ...yeah, what do you want?
: ...Yeah, what do you want!
There's about half a second of nothing between those last two lines. Kite doesn't move, so... I don't know.
Sepikmon: I can, but first I have one request. I lost my precious mask somewhere! If I don't have it, no one can see me! So if you find it I'll tell you what you want to know.
Kite: All right, fine, I'll go and find your mask.
Sepikmon: I had it when I was with Baronmon, so I must have dropped it after that!
Sepikmon: OK, thanks a lot!
This game has weird text choices, sometimes. I feel like this is one of those fever dreams where it has some internal logic but seems like madness. Certainly explains why I'm still playing this game, at least.
Again, we have no idea where to go. However, there's only so much South Sector to search for Baronmon, so eventually we'll run into Kail as we run by.
Kail: ...hey Kite! Listen! I saw a Digimon with an amazing face going to East Sector. I think that was Baronmon.
Well, it's better than nothing. Let's go check out East Sector, shall we?
Click for music!
First, we'll want to gather information, and the best way to do that is to talk to all the NPCs. Granted, 90% of what we get will be useless.
Agumon: He likes forests and ruins, so maybe he's there!
Or, we could hit paydirt with our first NPC. Cool. Forests and ruins are pretty self-explanatory, so the next destination should be pretty obvious.
I hate this maze.
I hope we get a Fire-associated Key Item that lets us burn it down to the ground.
Click for music!
Anyway, remember that one place that I pointed out, how it was pointless? Guess who's there now?
Baronmon: Sepikmon had his mask on when he was with me. The strange thing is... last I heard, he was at Asuka City!
...Say what? We just talked to him!
Anyway, let's trek all the way back to Asuka City...
this is the third time now
Oh hey. I'm, uh, I'm guessing this is Sepikmon.
Sepikmon: O-oh! Hey look, I found my mask! ...a way to defeat Zanbamon? Sorry no idea![sic] I'm the one who found my mask, so I'm not gonna tell you!
Ungrateful shithead. Well, there're things to do in Asuka City, so might as well drop by.
Torture the fuck. Remove his eyelids with a box cutter and remove his legs with a hacksaw.
Click for music!
First off, there's a new auction! The trigger for this is after we talk to Sepikmon in the hut. It's a pretty short-lived one, too.
: The Guilmon exclusive shield will start at 400 BIT!
Same deal, they raise up the bid to 700 BIT and then we're given the option to bid for it. I'll take the shield, same as the Patamon one.
More importantly, and something I can actually use, is this two-handed weapon for Renamon. Hooray for +200 STR!
Well, damn. Go grind off the Angry bird, NAO
Click for music!
Master John: He wrote "Inn" on our sign.
GASP. HE'S CAUSING AN INCONVENIENCE, OH NOOOO
Masato: He dropped banana peels all over and now we are all falling down!
Sounds like a personal problem there, chief. Maybe don't step on the banana peels?
Did we just start watching an Acme cartoon or something?
Patamon: Sepikmon is so mean! Mika was going to eat a snack, but he took it from her!
I'm loving this guy more and more.
Guilmon: That's what Sepikmon told me.
Guilmon, buddy, you're staring straight at Jack.
Maniac Jack: What is up that dude?!
Masahiro: What's his problem?
Basically, Sepikmon is a huge jerk.
Hey, you're a new face. Sepikmon prank you as well?
Etemon: I heard Sepikmon ran towards the Divermon Lake! ...but he's one bad dude! I'm embarrassed that I'm the same type Digimon as him!
They actually aren't the same type. Sepikmon is a Wizard, Data attribute, while Etemon is a Puppet, Virus attribute. This means Etemon actually has more in common with Puppetmon than he does Sepikmon (which is interesting for reasons we'll see eventually).
After Sepikmon! We must stop him from doing bad things to people we don't care about because he didn't tell us the secret to stopping Zanbamon!
Kite looks especially determined here.
Waaaait a second, you're not Sepikmon.
Man: OK, everything is normal...
Just a regular, bloodthirsty kid, Mr. Suit.
Man: Don't sneak up on me like that! You scared me...
Kite: Ah, ah... I'm sorry mister...
Man: ...I'm not an old man! I'm Nick. I'm only 21!
Kite: Oh, ah, yeah, sorry!
This probably read better before it was translated.
Nick: First Etemon, and now you...
Kite: ...Etemon? Did something happen?
Nick: I found this huge gaudy shield. Then Etemon came and said that it was his, and took it from me without even saying thank you.
WE'VE BEEN DUPED
Kite: ...Etemon? A gaudy shield? ...I wonder what that is...
You can practically hear the two brain cells sparking.
Nick: Why aren't they doing their jobs? I wish they'd look at me as an example...
Let's go have a chat with that Etemon. I think we've got some discrepancies we'd like him to explain.
Kite: Hey, Etemon, I got something I wanna ask.
Etemon: Sure, what? I'll tell you anything I know!
Kite: Aren't you the one who has Sepikmon's mask?
Etemon: I-I don't know what you're talking about!
Solid investigation tactics. "R u da bad guy?"
And then he just strolls off. Christ, Kite's blunter than a hammer, and Etemon is a shitty liar. Is everyone in this game an idiot or something? It's like Giver was the writer for this part of the 'plot'.
You mean how the men are all assholes and all the females are horny? Yes.
Kite: Hey, wait! He's hiding something!
Etemon ran off towards the underground, but we didn't see where. That being said, he probably couldn't get out of the city, so there's only so many places he could be.
It turns out, it's this one.
Etemon: You really are a rash that won't go away. Oh, all right, I'll give it back, OK! Here, I handed over the Sepik Mask!
Thank you very much. Now we can return to Sepikmon - the REAL Sepikmon.
Can't he just change his disguise?
On the way back, I made a little detour in Kicking Forest to complete a sidequest.
DRI Johann: Then I'll add Agumon as your partner like I promised! Go to Piximon or Dr. Kadomatsu at the lab! Agumon should be in the list under Switch Digimon! Good luck and raise a strong Agumon!
Next time: We deal with this guy, then that other guy, then some more guys past him.