Part 14: BastUpdate 14: Bast
Last time, we went back and forth and back and forth and then back one more time. Basically, we fought one boss and then made a sum total of zero progress.
This update will not be anything like that.
Datamon: Employees of Digimon Online have them.
Datamon: !!! Oh, you do have a Staff Pass. I apologize... OK, I'm opening the gate, please enter.
Kite: Ah, thanks!
Fuck yeah. See, was that so hard, game? You all could have cut out 90% of the last update and it wouldn't change the plot at all.
Wait a minute. We are 2 images into this update and I already see a slew of problems.
1) Pointless fetch quest that Yeti already pointed out -- Strike 1.
2) Datamon doesn't see anything wrong with Kite having a Staff Pass despite not having one prior -- Strike 2
3) The Staff Pass does not have any sort of ID on it to distinguish an employee -- Strike 3
4) Kite, an 11 year old, somehow holds a Staff Pass for an organization that would employ people of working age. Datamon sees nothing wrong with this -- Strike 4
SIGH. Already turning into a shitshow. What's next?
This giant-ass door is now open, so let's go.
Click for music. (This is gonna be playing through all of this update that's not one particular room that I'll point out, or a battle of some sort.)
We're currently in the Admin Center B1F - essentially, we circumvented the main gate to Asuka City by going underneath it. However, we have a goon blocking our way towards progress and Asuka City proper.
Trooper: You'll never win against the A.o.A!
If you're playing along, get used to these two lines. We'll be seeing them a lot.
Holy shit, so Datamon is just poorly programmed.
The Trooper has these two dudes as our opponents. Raremon is handled by liberal application of Air Blast and other Wind Magic techs, and Cyclonemon can be put out to pasture by regular attacks.
And then after we win the Trooper is gone. Did Kite just commit murder?
They logged out. Oh wait, we can't do that because of the error thing. MURDERER!
Useful, but now that we have 2000+ health, 500 just isn't gonna cut it. Especially since the only reason to use items is in the heat of battle, and a quarter of our health doesn't really help when enemies are hitting for that much in one turn.
Moving right along, our path is blocked by another Trooper fight. Same deal as the first, just a Raremon and a Cyclonemon. They vanish after we win, freeing up the path.
Aaand then again.
Look at all this XP and money!
At least there are prizes behind door number 3 - the Recovery Disk is actually a Life Disk. The chest had the wrong name for it... (Well done, game. Blatantly lying to the player, now.) Either way, the Life Disk acts as a Revive for when your Digimon get taken down in battle.
If we backtrack a little bit to where that third fight was, there's a ladder we can take that leads up. From there, beat up this next A.o.A loser and we get pathetic amounts of money. Seriously, we got more BIT from the fight than the chest.
Regardless, we're almost free. Just beat this guy, and...
...Damn it. We're now in the Basement Stairs area.
At least there are some new enemies in the Trooper line-up.
I know I already used this one before, but damn it if it doesn't fit.
Location: Tamer Only
4 STR, 5 DEF, 3 SPR, 3 WIS, 1 SPD,
2 FIRE, 1 WATER, 3 ICE, 2 WIND, 1 THUNDER, 3 MACHINE, 2 DARK
EXP: 147, BIT: 290
Regular Attack: Machine Element
Location: Tamer Only
4 STR, 5 DEF, 3 SPR, 3 WIS, 1 SPD,
2 FIRE, 1 WATER, 3 ICE, 2 WIND, 1 THUNDER, 3 MACHINE, 2 DARK
EXP: 152, BIT: 300
Regular Attack: Machine Element
These guys have the exact same stats, but Tankmon is about maybe half a tick stronger than Guardromon. Still, they're slow as balls, and the Thunder weakness isn't doing much for them. Seriously, they have pretty ridiculous strength (hitting MetalGreymon for 500 a shot, even through his higher defense and Machine resistance) but it doesn't matter when I'm blocking 9 out of 10 attacks.
Digimon, digital monsters
Digimon are the stinkiest!
That little area leads out to a place I actually didn't know existed, since you can't see the treasure chest from the main part of Asuka City. There's 1000 BIT in it, which makes me wonder why the optional chest only has a tenth of that.
Because troll game design.
Moving along, there's another two Troops blocking our way...
But they've only got Guardromon and Tankmon. That's the new Trooper line-up, by the way. No different Digimon, no random battles. Just those two, in that configuration always.
*sniff, sniff* I smell a strike incoming. Boring enemy lineup!
This place might look familiar - it's the Admin Center we snuck into earlier as Agumon.
But, since we're here, I'm going to take a detour outside and heal up. Veemon doesn't do quite as well as a walking Power Charge as Patamon did, due to a lower MP pool, and I hadn't visited an Inn since before I left Dum Dum Factory the second time. He's running low.
: Hazard Fang, admired by all members!
OH HEY there's an auction going on. So, yeah, you better get the item now, since the timeframe for this one is pretty tight. It's from when you realize Asuka City is closed, to the end of this particular scenario. I pick up the Hazard Fang for 2700 BIT, leaving me with about 110,000 BIT. Even a shopping spree in the Heavy Armory (to get new equipment for my guys, since their armor could use a boost now that I'm not deliberately taking a bunch of damage) leaves me with about 100K.
Money, right now, isn't that big a problem.
Moving right along, we've already seen this stuff.
The layout of the area hasn't changed from the last time we were here.
If these are giving nice XP, I guess I could let it slide.
Of course, since we can now beat up the people blocking our way, it gives us access to areas we weren't able to reach before. Case in point, this Metal Horn - it's a Head armor slot that actually boosts Power rather than Defense. Veemon gets it immediately, netting a nice 50 point boost.
Aside from that, there's only one new area we can reach.
Behind the second soldier is this place. There's actually a sneaky treasure chest hidden in the top right, concealed by the weird roof. It holds another Power Charge that I should probably be selling, since I don't use them.
sneaky game devs. This is somehow a little bit boring even when things ARE happening.
Finally, we come to someone different.
He's, uh, a Soldier instead of a Trooper.
He also has TWO whole Tankmon. That die in a single blow from Renamon. (Electro Gemini is hitting them for four digits, and they have like maybe 850 HP.)
Jesus Christ. This is the 8th strike. Put some different Digimon here! You upgraded the goon level, but made their pool of Digimon worse!?
Anyway, just like last time we were here, we step forward and enter a cutscene.
Soldier: You're not going to pass here! You can't defeat me!
Kite: Oh yeah? Come on! You guys always think you're gonna win!
Spoiler alert: we win.
After we beat him, he vanishes (and his buddy over there doesn't give a shit) but before we can go commit our... seventh? Eighth? consective murder, the door to the Master Room opens and there's this weird purple Power Range coming out.
Power Rangers Dino Thunder?
???: Digimon response, Digimon response!
Kite: What is this? It's a Digimon I've never seen before.
Kite: ...It doesn't look like a bad Digimon... Hey, open up. I'm going to go defeat the bad guys!
???: ...bad? What's bad?
Kite: Umm, ah, to put it simply...
Digimon World 3: Asking the hard-hitting moral questions.
Or, alternatively, promoting cannibalism.
I approve of cannibalism. EAT THIS GAME.
Name: Vemmon (Boss)
Location: Asuka City - Admin Center 2F
1 STR, 4 DEF, 3 SPR, 3 WIS, 4 SPD,
2 FIRE, 2 WATER, 2 ICE, 2 WIND, 2 THUNDER, 2 MACHINE, 2 DARK
EXP: 144, BIT: 0
Regular Attack: No Element (Drains Enemy MP)
This dude... is not a threat at all. Maybe a little quick, and high defense, but he does next to no damage, and he's a little weak to all of the elements.
The only thing you need to watch out for is the little bugger's ability to absorb MP, and even then it's not that threatening.
Kite: Hey, wait! Where are you going? ...phew, that scared me. What was it? It looks like a Rookie Digimon... It probably isn't A.o.A's Digimon if it doesn't disappear...
Well, moving right along, there's another Soldier here with just the usual team, so we blow through him.
Hear me, players! For I am your Game Master, and you shall all bow to me!
"What's that? It sounds like someone thinks they're a badass."
"Nah, that's just GeneralYeti. He's complete shit at videogames. He'll never be a Game Master.
That was a fun little power trip. Anyway, this is the last bog-standard Trooper we have to face. Aren't I lucky?
This is another place I never knew existed. I mean, I knew that there was a bridge, and I knew it had to come from and lead to somewhere, but I've never been up here before.
Noob LPer alert!
Crap. Can we just leave? I don't want to deal with these idiots.
Kite: ...oh, Teddy!
Teddy: Hey, Kite!
Kite: Teddy, are you OK?
"Oh, y'know, just captured and locked up in a dungeon. Standard RPG stuff, I'm fine."
"Took your sweet ass time getting over here you know."
Teddy: Yeah thanks! Kite, MAGAMI is part of A.o.A.
Kite: Yeah, I know! But who is the staff over there?
DO Operator: We didn't know that MAGAMI and A.o.A were related!
DO Guard: The City Leaders and most of the staff are like us! Not all of MAGAMI Staff are part of the A.o.A!
So, wait. The City Leaders et al are just regular people, with the job of standing in one place and fighting the occasional person? That must suck.
Kite: All right. I'll help everyone, so just hang in there! I'll go defeat the Game Master!
Good luck with that.
Everyone else: !!!
DO Operator: Be careful. They say there's a trap in the Master Room!
DO Guard: I know about it too! There's a secret door somewhere.
Dr. Kadomatsu: Yes, I've heard of it as well. The keycode is "MONSTER"... But I have no idea what it means.
Kite: OK, thanks!
Teddy: Good luck Kite! Don't lose to the A.o.A!
Kite: Don't worry. Just leave it to me!
Seriously, I'm not going to lose to the A.o.A. Have you seen their Digimon? Pretty weak, the lot of them.
That just leaves us with one area we haven't been in yet.
Click for music
Finally, a different backing track.
Kite: Title is... "T." Huh? The letter is a sensor?! Hmm... should I touch it? What should I do?
Anyway, each of these little alcoves has a painting we can look at. On the left, bottom to top, there's one labeled "M", "O", "N", and "S"; on the right, "T", "E", "R". Even without the hint, it's not exactly Professor Layton in here. Fun fact: the whole prison room sequence is completely optional. If you know what you're doing, you don't have to talk to them at all.
Hooray, sequence breaking!
Kite: .................Huh? Nothing happened. Hmmmm...
If you're playing along, for whatever reason, make sure you're healed up, and your lead Digimon is the one you want opening in a boss fight. As soon as you solve this puzzle, you're locked into cutscenes.
Nothing happens until you press each of the seven paintings. If you press them out of order, you still get this cutscene, only the door doesn't open and Kite wonders if he fucks up. No actual trap.
No trap? LIES AND DECEIT
Kite: Cool! There really was a secret door! The Game Master should be just up ahead!
And we've made it to the A.o.A Headquarters. (We're back to the A.o.A theme music, by the by. No more cheery music for us.)
Kite: Woah, what is this room!? Hey, who's that over there? It's the Game Master! I'm gonna get her!
Guard B: You're not getting through here!
Guard C: Just give up and come with us!
Gentlemen, please. This is just embarrassing. One Maildramon between the three of you? (You might also notice I failed to take my own advice regarding healing. This is because I didn't realize that I would immediately be thrust into combat without a chance to save or heal.)
Strike 9 for the one Digimon between 3 people!
Kite, you've committed murder. You're literally a serial killer now.
They grow up so fast.
Kite: Now it's Game Master's turn!
I'd make a comment on Digimon Fusion here, but I haven't actually seen that season yet. I stopped watching after the one where the guy punches out Digimon to Digivolve his partner. Because, y'know, where else can you go from there but down?
Game Master: Congratulations! Now it's...?
TRON: Yes! Even though our plans were a bit altered due to Lucky Mouse... We will now commence Operation Sigma!
Game Master: Yes sir!
TRON: Now Vemmon, come to me!
Kite: Hey, Game Master! Who're you talking to? A.o.A's boss?
YOU FUCKING IDIOT. You could have gotten a sneak attack in!
All the screens close instantly.
Game Master: Oh, you're that boy from... What are you doing here?
Kite: I'm here to kick your butt! And you better talk fast about what the A.o.A is planning!
Game Master: You think you can defeat me? Silly boy! Come out my precious Digimon!
Alright, fuck yes, boss time!
The first Digimon is Minotarumon. He's dropped his terrible Fire weakness for a still-bad Fire weakness, but no other changes. I have Angemon (Monmon) clash against him, since it's really just a punch out.
Gargoylemon can be dangerous if you let him get his Tech off, since he's got 5 SPR. Plus, his Tech is Dark Magic, so watch out. MetalGreymon handles this fight, since Gargoylemon has no Fire resistance, and Flame Lance is pretty good despite being a Magic attack.
The Game Master's final Digimon is Persiamon.
I'm not even sure if I wanna google joke pictures for this.
Location: Tamer Only
Drops: Charm Gas
3 STR, 3 DEF, 3 SPR, 5 WIS, 5 SPD,
1 FIRE, 2 WATER, 3 ICE, 3 WIND, 2 THUNDER, 2 MACHINE, 2 DARK
EXP: None, BIT: None
Regular Attack: No Element
Technique: Helter Skelter (Di-Digivolves Enemy to Rookie Form),
Vampire Jewel (Steals MP from Enemy)
Wait, what was that first Tech?
YES! FUCK YOU YETTTIIIIIIIII!
Okay, so here's the deal with Persiamon. (Actually called Beastmon/Bastmon, which is where the title comes from.) Persiamon is STUPID fast. That 5 SPD is not for show. I'm consistently getting two turns to every one against every other Digimon in the game so far, and yet Persiamon is going one for one against me.
To make things worse, Helter Skelter makes me lose access to most of my Techs, including the ones that would let me do any Fire damage. If I had Kotemon, or Agumon, that would be different, but right now Veemon only has Vee Headbutt, which does just under 200 damage. Her regular attack hits four times, doing just under 1000 if all four hit (it's about 220-ish against Veemon, more if Renamon's the one getting kicked in the face).
My strategy, once I realized that Persiamon could de-Digivolve my Digimon, was to spend one turn Digivolving up, then the next hitting her with whatever Techs I could before getting knocked back down to Rookie. Rinse, repeat. However, that went out the window once I realized I wasn't getting anywhere thanks to the speed equality.
That's when it turned into a race. Veemon could take about two attacks to the face without dying, which translated to about 360 damage to Persiamon. Would I manage to do enough before running out of Super Charges, or would I end up having to reload and go back through the sewers and train up my Speed some more?
Fortunately, I managed to win, thanks to that Life Disk I found in the chest earlier. I revived Renamon, Tagged out to her, and then for some reason got another turn, not that I'm complaining.
An actual difficult fight, making use of a player's weakness you never thought would come into play. I'm rescinding one strike for that.
Game Master: My Persiamon can't lose...
And fuck you too! Where the hell were you when I could have used some backup! I had to storm this entire fucking castle by myself! FUCK!
Teddy: Kite! I'm so glad you're OK!
DIE IN A FIRE.
I see nothing wrong with this. The player should be more than capable of beating Game Master.
Nick: You're under arrest by the International Police, S.A.P!
Kite: What? Lisa and Nick are investigators for the S.A.P?
Nick: That's right, and Keith as well.
Lisa: Sorry we didn't tell you before. But because of you the case is solved! Let's interrogate Game Master and change Kurt back!
Were we even told who S.A.P. was? I don't even remember. It was probably once at the start of this game. Either way, this is terrible. Shit forshadowing for a shit twist that comes out of left field seemingly. It's just like what happened two updates ago all over again.
What the fuck, why is Kurt here?
Dat piggy looks so angry.
Lisa: What was the A.o.A planning on doing?
Game Master: Heh...heh...heh! You're too late! Our plan has not been foiled. It's only just begun!
I don't know why he's spinning around, either.
Game Master: Heh... heh... See, just like I said. All computer networks will belong to the A.o.A! And our Vemmon will destroy the world!
Kite: Vemmon... That's that Digimon!
Game Master: By using the Optical Network he can fuse with any machine! Lucky Mouse stole the Digitama and almost destroyed him, but... And it will be the end for you! Victory is ours!
I get the feeling the script writers just had a stroke. First: I was going to give them the pass until they said 'fuse'. Digimon are supposed to be universal source code critters, so I can accept them being able to get to all the computer networks (with a healthy amount of SoD.) Second, we already have something called a Digi-Egg, why call this one a Digitama?
Finally, what the hell with those last two lines? I feel like the game dropped some of its lines, somehow.
1) What the fuck is a Digitama? Is this game gonna try to explain it for the people that don't know? -- Strike 11
The Digitama is (according to the wiki) the same thing as a Digi-Egg. It's where the Digimon come from.
2) Plot computer bullshit that makes Battle Network look sane -- Strike 12
3) Again, we are dumped all this info at the very last minute, instead of properly pacing this info earlier -- Strike 13
4) The game has wasted all of its First Act on just defeating the City Leaders rather than using that time to properly explain itself. It's like I'm watching an anime -- Strike 14
5) What is the Optical Network? This, I'm sure of, has NEVER been brought up before. We're just supposed to know what is is? -- Strike 15
6) They set up Vemmon as a big problem and is responsible for everything going to shit...10 minutes after we met him -- Strike 16
7) Possible strike: Vemmon was locked up, perhaps for this very reason. And perhaps the A.o.A. didn't want to use him, but being captured, they have no real recourse.
What is happening in this game.
Lisa: First, let's tell the Real World about this! And if we can cut off the Optical Network, their plan will fail!
Kite: How are we going to get in contact with them...?
Kurt: Oioi! Oioink!
Lisa: I was told once, there's an emergency chamber somewhere in North Sector...
Nick: Then if we use it we might be able to...
Lisa: Umm... I think so!
Clearly, this plan is foolproof and will not fail.
Lisa: We won't know until we try. Right Kite?
Kite: Yeah! That's right! We're not letting the A.o.A have the last laugh!
Lisa: OK, we're all going to look for that chamber! You'll wait here until then.
Nick: Now come this way!
Nick and Lisa lead the Game Master out of the Master Room.
...She is the Game Master. She has all the power. You can't force someone's character model to move...? Does this game realize it's an MMO?
You know what? Strike 17
Kite: Don't worry. Everything will turn out OK!
Kail: ...I hope so... I wonder what's happening in the Real World.
Smash cut to the Real World!
TRON: S.A.P believes that it may be due to cyber terrorism and is currently investigating. We believe there may be many problems if the Optical Network is down for a long period...
Computer Seiya:[sic] What?! Digimon Online as well! I was gonna go login! But if the network is down...
Science Nerd Hideki: If the net is down, that's a huge problem for Digimon Online. The Matrix System can't access the servers, right? Then doesn't that mean you can't get back?
Worker Kouta: ...but I wonder who's behind the cyber terrorism. I thought they caught all of the A.o.A...
Well, that was enlightening.
That was...easy? The network was shut down so Vemmon can't use it.
Teddy: ...but wait! How do you get to North Sector? There's no road and you can't go there with Submarimon!
Kite: ...ah, is that so...?
My question is how the hell Teddy knows this. He doesn't even have Submarimon, so how?
Teddy: Actually I heard the guards talking in the prison. If you ask Digmon you can get to North Sector...
Kite: Well then, that's easy!
Teddy, if you knew the answer, why did you ask the fucking question.
Teddy: But you need the Digi-Egg of Knowledge to call Digmon...
A rare and exclusive in-game item...IS SERVER LOCKED!????
WHAT THE FUCK DIGIMON WORLD 3
You have to beat all the Sector Le.... ARGHHHHH
MAGAMI MMO Staff posted:
:Let's design a game where you can't complete the main objective unless they start in one specific server out of possible thousands. Fuck letting the player have access to every possible item so that they can complete our stupid ass fucking game.
The Writers posted:
It's okay because the MAGAMI staff are actually incompetent! I don't know how to write an interesting fetch quest, so I'll just throw in a bunch of twists at the last minute every few hours to make it seem like there's a story.
Strike 19-∞ YOU'RE OUT!
Kite: OK, then let's go to Amaterasu to look!
Teddy: But how are we going to Amaterasu? I'm sure it's just crawling with the A.o.A...
Kite: ...Hmm... Now that you mention it... But wait. How did the A.o.A get here?
Teddy: ...Oh yeah! The soldiers in Byakko City!
Kite: Maybe they know something!
Teddy: I'm sure they do, Kite!
Kite: OK, I'm going to West Sector to investigate.
Teddy: Be careful. I'm going to look into this computer.
Kite: OK. If you find out something, let me know!
Teddy: Roger! Leave it to me!
WHAT. They're unable to get to North Sector without going to Amaterasu.
WHEN THAT'S THE FUCKING MAIN DRAW OF THE GAME. You go around to each of the Sectors and beat up the City Leader there. But you can't get to the last fucking Sector?! Why! Who designs a game like this! Why! The only way to go to North Sector, i.e. complete the main quest of the game we're playing, is to go to Amaterasu Server. But normally you can't go there! You're restricted to the Server you started in, which is Asuka for us! FUCK!
Normally, I'm pretty easygoing when it comes to plot twists. Give me fair warning, don't whip something out at the last second, and I'll go along with it because why not? But this. THIS broke my SoD harder than every single computer error so far combined.
This is dumb and stupid and fuck this game.
(wow, I made that rant before I read your last comment, Yeti.)