Part 27: Lord WHAT.Update 27: Lord WHAT.
Click for music
As expected, every single NPC is a pig, now. Also, that music will be playing throughout the entire update, so get used to it.
Yeah, but hey! This update came hot off the heels of the last one! This is a special occasion. Break out the bacon.
Something happened, and our best bet is to go check on the idiots trying to fix the problem. So, a quick retracing of our steps from last update, and we're back in Amaterasu Central Park.
That, uh, sure is a pig. I hope these people liked being human for all of the minute or two.
Oink, oin, ooink!
When we approach Amaterasu Bridge, Kail is... surprisingly, still human?
Kite: Hey, Kail?!
Kite, Kite no, it's rude not to look at people when you're talking to them.
Kurt: Oink! Oin, ooink!
Kite: ...Kail! What happened? Why have they all turned into Oinkmon?
Kite is 10; he's rude.
I appreciate Kail's new sprite.
Kite: ...what?! What did you say...?
Kail: A lot of Vemmmon came out of Amaterasu's Administration Center! Then they launched beams and turned everyone into Oinkmon!
Kite: But wait - Vemmon doesn't have that kind of power... Have they been... reprogrammed?
Kail: I-I don't know...
Kail: But I was the only one who wasn't changed. Teddy and Lisa were all turned into Oinkmon.
Kite: ...then everyone else...?
Kail: Yea-yeah. Teddy, Lisa and the others are Oinkmon now.
Kite: What is going on... and where did the Vemmon go?
Kail: They all went straight to the Master Room!
Somehow, Kail didn't get turned into a pig? I'm not entirely sure why not, and I don't think the writers knew either, given that little ass pull. Maybe Kail's evil and behind everything
I knew it! A female Game Master and a female friend! KILL HER NOW!
Kite: Well, let's go! Kail you go hide somewhere safe!
Kail: What?! Bu, but, Kite...
Kite: I'm the only one who can fight against them in this world! Don't worry! Just leave it to me!
Kail: ...All right. I'll believe in you Kite. But I'll kick your butt if you lose!
Kite: All right! Then I'm off!
I'd call hubris on Kite's part, but let's be fair, with Mr. Fuzzums by our side nothing can stop us. We have become an unstoppable force of murder.
Plus, he's right. We've been developing our team while she has not.
Kail: ...But the A.o.A isn't defeated yet... I wonder what's happening in the Real World...
Hey, that line! It always means we're about to smash cut to the Real World.
This time isn't an exception, either. Everything is empty, there's no TV or music or lights or anything.
I'm sorry wait fuck the what now? How are they even realized? Kite had to go through all kinds of bullshit to get his Digimon in the Real World.
"We are the Vemmon. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile."
I'm sorry wait HOW THE FUCK? They have Oinkmon in the Real World, somehow? Despite the beam being a digital thing that rewrites the data of the people in the digital world?
Man, I don't even fucking know.
Oink, oin, ooink!
Tech Savy Seiya: Oi? Oioio..........
Everyone in the town has been turned back into Oinkmon. But that means... No, please let him be okay!
Oinkk oink, oin.
That's right. You get access to the Black Market and then it's immediately taken away. Better hope you got all the equipment and
Oin, ooink, ooin oi oiin oinko!
Irritating and obnoxious design decisions aside, this is the best time to save and make sure your Digimon are fully healed. I'd also recommend making sure your levels and equipment are what you want them to be, as well as stocking up on items.
Because once we go through this door, there's no turning back. (Also, there's no WARNING this is the point of no return, which, y'know, would be nice.)
(That's fucking retarded, game.)
Yep, those sure are Oinkmon.
Oioi oin oink oink
Oh fucking god damn it. I'm not transcribing this shit.
Kite: Te-Teddy?! What?! Lisa, Nick, and Keith as well...
There are another FIVE FULL TEXTBOXES of unintelligble pig noises.
Yeah, fuck that shit.
Oi, oi, oi, oi ooiink, ooi! Oi! Oi, oi, oin! Oi, ooin, oooink!
...I'll admit, I laughed.
Kite: Just wait here with Lisa and the others! I'll do something about this!
All four of the pigs: obnoxious pig Oink noises
Fuck this game.
Nobody's here? So let's just solve the problem and-
(whoops, that's supposed to be an exclamation mark in that speech bubble. Damn you, graphics that immediately disappear.)
...What is this ugly piece of shit? Those balls of light on its... shoulders? Are those shoulders? Anyway, they flicker because this game isn't hard enough to take screenshots of.
Seriously, though, who is this guy?
Fuck it I'm out. Update ends now.
Okay, that snapped me out of Pig Beam. You know what? I'm done, too. All I wanna see for every reply until the next update is psyduck. I just wanna see a string of Psyducks. I'll start.