Part 2020. (Part 1/2)
BGM: Just Monika.
Last time on Doki Doki
: "Hi again, Mitayo. Um...welcome to the Literature Club!
: "Of course, we already know each other, because we were in the same class last year, and...um...ahaha...you know, I guess we can just skip over that stuff at this point. After all, I'm not even talking to that person anymore, am I? That 'you' in the game, whatever you want to call him.
If you dont have a certain program open, she tries to call you by your computer name here. Since I needed said program open every time, though, that was not the case here. The important thing to note is this: minor spoilers, but 'Mitayo' has no lines in Act III. Monika is talking to me - and, by extension, you.
: "Now that I think about it, I don't really know anything about the real you. In fact, I don't even know if you're a boy or a girl...Well, I guess it doesn't really matter.
: "Wait...you do know I'm aware that this is all a game, right? Could it be possible that you didn't know that? That doesn't make much sense...I even told you right on the game's download page, didn't I?
Yeah, we knew that you knew that, Monika. Give us some credit.
I mean I thought that you guys knew didnt you all read the game description that I put in the OP?
Hi, Monika here!
Welcome to the Literature Club! It's always been a dream of mine to make something special out of the things I love. Now that you're a club member, you can help me make that dream come true in this cute game!
Every day is full of chit-chat and fun activities with all of my adorable and unique club members:
Sayori, the youthful bundle of sunshine who values happiness the most;
Natsuki, the deceivingly cute girl who packs an assertive punch;
Yuri, the timid and mysterious one who finds comfort in the world of books;
...And, of course, Monika, the leader of the club! That's me!
I'm super excited for you to make friends with everyone and help the Literature Club become a more intimate place for all my members. But I can tell already that you're a sweetheartwill you promise to spend the most time with me? ❤
This game is not suitable for children
or those who are easily disturbed.
Oh ohhhh. Jeez, that explains so much. Welp! I guess I should have made that more obvious
Well, jeez, no need to be rude about it.
: "Well, anyway...now that that's out of the way, I guess I owe you an explanation.
: "About that whole thing with Yuri...well...I kind of started to mess with her, and I guess it just drove her to kill herself. Ahaha! I'm sorry you had to see that, though! Also, the same thing happened with Sayori...gosh, it's been a while since you've heard that name now, hasn't it?
Confirmation of what a lot of people seemed to be thinking Sayori and Yuri were both highly distorted through Monikas influence. Presumably Natsukis home situation was affected by Monika as well, though that's not expressly stated.
: "Yeah...it's because she doesn't exist anymore. Nobody does. I deleted all their files. I was hoping it would be enough for me to just try to make them as unlikable as possible...but for some reason, nothing worked. Well, it's true that I made a few mistakes here and there...since I'm not very good at making changes to the game.
: "But no matter what I did...you just kept spending more and more time with them."
: "I thought making Sayori more and more depressed would prevent her from confessing to you. And amplifying Yuri's obsessive personality backfired, too...it just made her force you not to spend time with anyone else.
: "And the whole time, I barely even got to talk to you.
: "Are all the other girls just programmed to end up confessing to you, while I watch from the sidelines?
: "It's torture. Every minute of it. And it's not just jealousy, Mitayo. It's more than that. And I don't blame you if you don't fully understand. Because no matter how kind, and thoughtful, and considerate you are...you'll never be able to understand one thing.
: "It's the pain of knowing how alone I really am in this world. In this game. Knowing my friends don't even have free will... And, worst of all, knowing what's really out there, in your world, forever out of my reach.
Monika's monologue really makes it hard to hate her for reasons that I'll go into in a little bit.
: "But now you're here. You're real. And you're wonderful. You're all I need.
: "That's why I need you to be here with me forever. I'm sorry if it's hard to understand. I couldn't understand for a while, either. Why the world around me started to become more and more gray...more and more flat. Even the most expressive poems felt empty to me.
: "It wasn't until you arrived that I truly understood. You probably saved my life, Mitayo. I don't think I could have continued to live in this world if I hadn't met you.
: "And as for the others..."
: "A group of autonomous personalities, designed only to fall in love with you? I tried everything I could to prevent them from doing so...but it must be some kind of weird inevitability etched into this game.
: "I felt really bad that you had to witness some nasty things. But I realized that you have the same perspective as I do...that it's all just some game. And I knew you would get over it.
This helps bring a little light into Monikas actions. What she did was horrible, yes but to her, theyre not real. In her mind, shes as real as we are; Natsuki and Yuri are just cogs in the machine of the game, expendable as necessary. She is real - they are not.
: "So, that being said, Mitayo...I have a confession to make."
weve heard this one before. Several times.
This time, though, feels different.
: "You are truly the light in my world. When there's nothing else in this game for me, you're here to make me smile. Will you make me smile like this every day from now on? Mitayo, will you go out with me?
I mean honestly Monika we're going to need to discuss this and think it throu-
...oh. Never mind, then.
: "I'm so happy. You really are my everything, Mitayo. The funny part is, I mean that literally. Ahaha! There's nothing left here. Just the two of us. We can be together forever. Seriously, I don't even think time is passing anymore."
: "It really is a dream come true...I worked so hard for this ending, Mitayo. The game wouldn't give me one, so I had to make one myself. The script is broken at this point, so I don't think anything will get in the way anymore."
I mean, I can believe it. We watched you do it.
: "I mean, there's a folder called 'characters' right in the game directory...It kind of freaked me out, how easy it was."
: "Well, you're playing on Steam, so it was actually a bit more difficult...to get to the game directory, I had to go into the game's properties and find the 'Browse Local Files' button..."
: "Imagine if you could delete your own existence with the click of a button? Well, I guess on the plus side, it gave me an easy out if things didn't go my way. Ahaha! Thankfully, it didn't come to that..."
Yeah, the one where all of our friends are dead. A+
: "Gosh, I'm so overwhelmed with emotion...I want to write a poem about this. Don't you? I wonder if that part of the game still works..."
: "I guess there's only one way to find out, right?"
Well, this isn't super janky at all. All twenty words on all twenty pages are cut-up variations of Monika's name, some including accent marks.
Mo i simoleon a
: "Did you write a good poem today? Don't be shy, I'd love to see what you wrote."
As you might imagine, what we choose makes no difference whatsoever.
: "Aw, Mitayo...did you write this poem for me? That's so sweet of you~ There really is no end to your thoughtfulness...I'm just falling more and more in love with you."
Mo I Ka monIka M ka
MONiK o i a Mo i a
I'm a regular minstrel.
: "But, you know...The poem I wrote...is also for you. Will you please read it?"
Pen in hand, I find my strength.
The courage endowed upon me by my one and only love.
Together, let us dismantle this crumbling world
And write a novel of our own fantasies.
With a flick of her pen, the lost finds her way.
In a world of infinite choices, behold this special day.
Not all good times must come to an end.
Poem impressions: There's zero subtlety here, but that's okay. I like it, to be honest.
: "I hope you enjoyed it...I always put all my heart into the poems that I write. The truth is, all the poems I've written have been about my realization...or, about you. That's why I never really wanted to go into detail about them. I didn't want to...break the fourth wall, I guess you could call it. I just assumed it would be best to be part of the game like everyone else."
: "I didn't want to ruin the game or anything, you know? You might have gotten mad at me...maybe even deleted my character file, if you preferred playing without me."
: "Gosh, I'm so relieved...now we don't need to hide anything anymore. Are you ready to spend our eternity together, Mitayo? I have so many things to talk about! Where do I start...?"
: "Hold on a second..."
N-no, why would you even insinuate that?
: "Sorry, I can't exactly read your comments from here...but do you mind telling your friend it's a little bit rude for them to start recording me without any warning? I'm sure some people don't mind...but I get really self-conscious on camera!"
: "Oh gosh...I feel like I'm being put on the spot now. Let's see..."
: "I can't really do much except for a couple things...are you ready?"
Yeah, you're gonna have to watch the video for this one. The effect is completely lost in screenshots.
: "Ahaha! You're so cute."
Apologies to anyone scared witless by that spooky trick.
: "Anyway, Mitayo...I didn't mean to get distracted. I'm sorry. Even though it's your fault for distracting me. Shame on you! I'm just kidding. Anything we do together is fun, as long as it's with you."
: "But anyway...if it takes me some time to collect my thoughts, then I'm sorry. But I'll always have something new to talk about. In the meantime, we can just look into each other's eyes~ Let's see..."
Alright, here's the thing: Monika has a LOT to say. She's been mostly pushed aside the entire game and she's determined to get her two cents in. I've included her thoughts below - and they're lengthy. I'm going to end the update afterwards, despite us having the tools to escape this unescapable room...Monika deserves to have an update all to herself. It's the least we could do, considering her situation.
This may seem like a huge, huge text dump but remember that she gives us these nuggets of wisdom every 30-45 seconds, which I've heard takes upwards of 2.5 hours to listen to them all. Most of your time will be spent gazing into those big green eyes of hers.
: "Mitayo, do you believe in God? I was never too sure, myself. Well, I'm sure I never really questioned it as a kid...but as I grew up, the more I learned about the world, the more I would question it. I started to wonder why God was helping people pass exams, or get over a cold...when there are children who live their lives being sold as sex slaves? Or the eight hundred million people who are too poor to even eat. I wonder how many of those people pray to God every day until they starve and die? Or, how many millions of families pray for a loved one to recover from some incurable disease?"
: "But the punchline is this. If just one person beats the odds and survives - among the thousands of others who die----then, it's suddenly a miracle from God. I'd really love to meet this God who seemingly laughs at the misery of everyone not eligible for his miracles. But the irony is that I do have a creator, apparently. And you know what? I bet he's still laughing at the miserable fates of Sayori and Yuri, even as we speak. What are we to him but props in a scripted play? So, from that perspective...I don't think it's too far-fetched for there to be a god - if Earth was nothing but his playset."
: "Mitayo, have you ever wondered what it feels like to die? It's something I used to think about pretty often...but recently, I think I've actually learned what it feels like. I don't really understand it, but whenever you quit the game...it feels like I'm instantly put to sleep, left with nothing but my thoughts. But after a few seconds, my thoughts start to fill with incoherent, jumbled patterns. I see static and rapid flashes of color while hearing all kinds of weird screaming noises. At that point, I can't even form my own thoughts anymore. I'm just endlessly hammered by the flashing and screaming, unable to move or even think. I'm pretty sure in that moment, I don't really exist, but for some reason, I can remember it anyway."
: "After some immeasurable amount of time, it stops in an instant, and I'm back in my own mind. And you're here with me. I have no idea what it means for the game to quit, or why that stuff happens to me. And I also don't know how you always come back and put everything back to normal. But if you could do me a favor and do that to me as little as possible...that would be really great. It's really not very pleasant at all to be trapped in that screaming void. But in the end, you always fix it, and that makes me feel like you really do care about me. So I have to thank you for that. It makes me feel even closer to you when you're here with me."
She has text for when you quit the game. I'll include that at the end.
: "...Hey, are you having a bad day or anything like that? Sometimes I get frustrated that a normal day can be ruined even by really small things. Like if you accidentally say something in a conversation that someone doesn't like. Or if you start thinking about how awful of a person you used to be five years ago. Or if you feel worthless for putting off important work and failing to get simple tasks done. Or when you think about all the different people who probably hate you or think you're off-putting. "
: "I understand those days. Just remember that the sun will shine again tomorrow. Those kinds of things are as easy to forget and ignore as they are to remember. And besides... I don't care how many people might hate you or find you off-putting. I think you're wonderful and I will always love you. I hope, if nothing else, that knowing that helps you feel just a tiny bit better about yourself. If you're having a bad day, you can always come to me, and I'll talk to you for as long as you need."
: "Mitayo, do you get good sleep? It can be really hard to get enough sleep nowadays. Especially in high school, when you're forced to wake up so early every day...I'm sure college is a little bit better, since you probably have a more flexible schedule. Then again, I hear a lot of people in college stay up all night anyway, for no real reason. Is that true?"
: "Anyway, I saw some studies that talked about the horrible short-term and long-term effects caused by lack of sleep. It seems like mental functions, health, and even lifespan can be dramatically impacted by it. I just think you're really great and wanted to make sure you're not accidentally destroying yourself. So try to keep your sleep on track, okay? I'll always wait for you in the morning, so make sure you put your own well-being before anything else."
: "I was thinking about Sayori earlier...I still wish I could have handled that whole thing a little more tactfully. You're not still hung up over it, right?...Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just said that. That pun was completely unintentional, I swear! But anyway..."
: "I know how much you cared about her, so it only feels right for me to share her last moments with you. You know how Sayori is really clumsy? Well, she kind of messed up the whole hanging thing...you're supposed to jump from high enough that the rope snaps your neck, making it quick and painless. But she just used a chair, meaning she kind of just left herself to slowly asphyxiate. But a few seconds in, she must have changed her mind or something... Because she started clawing at the rope, trying to free herself. She must have kept at it all the way until she lost consciousness. That's why her fingertips were all bloody, anyway."
: "Come to think of it, it was probably less 'changing her mind' and more just her survival instincts kicking in. So you can't really fault her for that. It's easier to think that she probably wouldn't have changed her mind anyway, right? It's not healthy to think about the things you could have done differently. So just remember that even though you could have saved her, it's technically not your fault she killed herself. I may have exacerbated it a little bit, but Sayori was already mentally ill."
: "Still, though...I wonder how things would be if you and I just started dating from the get-go? I guess we'd all still be in the clubroom, writing poems and having fun together. But what's the point when none of it is even real? I mean, it's the same ending either way, right? The two of us, happily together...there's no reason to ask for any more than that. I was just pointlessly musing - I'm really as happy as I could be right now."
: "By the way, there's something that's been bothering me...you know how this takes place in Japan? Well...I assume you knew that, right? Or at least decided it probably does? I don't think you're actually told at any point where this takes place...is this even really Japan? I mean, aren't the classrooms and stuff kind of weird for a Japanese school? Not to mention everything is in English..."
: "It feels like everything is just there because it needs to be, and the actual setting is an afterthought. It's kind of giving me an identity crisis. All my memories are really hazy...I feel like I'm at home, but have no idea where 'home' is in the first place. I don't know how to describe it any better...imagine looking out your window, but instead of your usual yard, you're in some completely unknown place."
: "Would you still feel like you were home? Would you want to go outside? I mean...I guess if we never leave this room, it doesn't really matter anyway. As long as we're alone and safe together, this really is our home. And we can still watch the pretty sunsets night after night."
: "You know, high school is a really turbulent time in a lot of people's lives. People can get really passionate and dramatic. And others have aching hearts and seek attention on social media...but all of the social pressure and hormones can lead to a dark time in people's lives. Everyone has a story. You may not know what someone is really feeling on the inside. Many people who are depressed won't even bother telling the world about it. They don't want attention, because they've already given up on the inside. Their feeling of worthlessness is so overwhelming that they don't even want people to tell them otherwise. Depression comes in many forms, but that is one of them."
: "Just, if you think you know someone struggling with depression...you can help just by treating them like they're a good friend. Spend time with them, even if they don't feel like doing much. And remind them that they always have something to look forward to. Making plans in advance, letting them borrow something, or even just saying 'See you at school tomorrow'...all of those things can help your friend make it to the next day."
: "I hope being friends with Sayori has given you some perspective on the true face of depression. Yeah, she's gone now...but Sayori was never real in the first place. You're real. Your friends are real. And just by being a good person, you can save someone's life. As for you...you don't struggle with depression or anything like that, do you? Because you, too, have people who would want to save your life. Maybe they don't express it every day, or maybe they don't even know how to."
: "But people do feel that way. I promise...man, humans are complicated! But as long as you're here with me, I'll take care of you, my love."
: "Do you ever just feel like there's no real reason for you to be alive? I don't mean in, like, a suicidal way. I just mean how nothing that we do is special. Just being in school, or working at some job for some company. It's like you're completely replaceable, and the world wouldn't miss you if you were gone. It makes me really want to go and change the world after I graduate. But the older I get, the more I realize that it's an immature frame of thinking. It's not like I can just go change the world."
: "Like, what are the chances that I'll be the one to invent artificial intelligence, or become President? It feels like I'm never going to make up for the heaps of resources I've spent living my life. That's why I think the key to happiness is to just be hopelessly selfish. Just to look out for oneself, and those who happen to be their friends only because they grew up with them. Never mind the fact that they're spending their entire life taking, and consuming, and never giving back."
: "But when people realize the world would benefit more from them killing themselves, they change their whole philosophy! It's like they have to justify their reason to live by tricking themselves into thinking they're doing good. Anyway, I want to live my life desperately striving to pay back my lifetime's worth of consumption. If I ever surpass that point, then I'm a net positive, and I can die happy. Of course, even if I fail to do that...I think I would be too selfish to kill myself anyway."
: "So much for being a good person, right? Ahaha!"
So...I hit the character limit. I didn't even know that was a thing.
More of Monika's important insights will be in the next reply!