Part 156: Hinnom - Turn 56
And seeing the multitudes, King Hippomnomnomnom did not move at all: and his Rephaim came unto him:
and he opened his mouth, and ate some chips, saying,
OM NOM NOM.
Then, after he had some more chips and some crystal pepsi to wash it down and a suzy Q for dessert, and then just a small bowl of chubby hubby ice cream with a little bit of peanut butter sauce and some hot fudge which is a great combo have you tried it? he said:
Blessed are the poor in astral: for they don't have to spend hours scripting communions.
Blessed are they that go AI early: for they shall avoid the pain of late game's micromanagement hell.
Blessed are the meek: for they shall turtle and make clams for fifty turns and then you are fucked.
Blessed are they which hunger: for the 7-11 is still open and you can get a choco-taco and two chili-dogs for $2.99.
Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain lickspittle vassals. Too bad they are going to get backstabbed twenty turns later.
Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall be sacrificed to summon storm demons and push dom.
Blessed are the peacemakers: for they are making you dance like a puppet. Dance little puppet, dance!
Blessed are they which are persecuted for skillz sake: for they are a lot better at this game than you.
Blessed are ye, when players talk shit about you and persecute you, and say all manner of evil against you falsely and gang up on you on turn five,
Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for you have become death, destroyer of worlds and you are going to burn those motherfuckers to the ground all at once.
- The Beatitudes, Book of :Zero Emissions:
King Hippomnomnomnom is patient, waiting for you, watching, King Hippomnomnomnom is spiteful. He covets his neighbors' lands and gems, and is boastful and proud. King Hippomnomnomnom does not dishonor agreements, and will always help out a friend unless it is really inconvenient or they have something he wants or won't let him be player one. King Hippomnomnomnom is easily angered and keeps a record of people who have wronged him on the wall in his bedroom. King Hippomnomnomnom does not delight in evil but sometimes you have to break an ozelotl to school some nubs, amirite? King Hippomnomnomnom always protects what is his, always trusts his allies only as far as he can throw them, always hopes that he will discover discount sites, always perseveres because King Hippomnomnomnom isn't the only one who makes stupid mistakes.
- 1 PRESIDENT WILLIAM TAFT 13:1-13
Mictlan's new management sends a message regarding their takeover, trade with Sauromatia supporting Project X continues and blood hunting is back with 25 slaves brought in. The next period of the game will likely be one of build-up and consolidation before the three remaining superpowers clash. My first priority is lowering unrest across the land and building up a blood hunting infrastructure. Priority two is killing Feinne. Priority three is making sure Dexanth dies. Priority four is preparing to invade and destroy Lanka when our NAP runs out on turn 60.
Let's see how it all goes!
We all know "internal restructuring" means "black out coke-binge resulted in me drunk-buying another company and now I have to engineer a turnaround while making myself a ton of money or the board will start to whine."
Oddly enough, PIMP ROBES, with a hundred gems worth of equipment, manages to defeat ten or fifteen points of Mictlan province defense.
4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 teleports into Isurian and that's one shishi down.
:Zero Emissions:'s popularity requires a significant security apparatus to protect him at all times from the intrusions of the paparazzi. One day, as he takes a leisurely flight through storm-swept skies to think about his new novel, a crazed photographer breaks through the perimeter established by his security apparatus. "I LOOOOOOOOVE YOU :ZERO EMISSIONS:!" the photographer screams as it hurls itself toward him, camera's flashbulb exploding with light. A lesser celebrity might have panicked and fled, but :Zero Emissions: is implacable in his devotion to spreading the word of King Hippomnomnomnom. With a friendly smile, :Zero Emissions: deftly plucks the camera out of the photographer's hands and in only a few sentences another convert is born.
I don't know why I didn't set my scout to retreat other than there's a lot to micromanage at this point in the game. That was silly of me. Ah well. I lose a scout as Dexanth takes back his cap.
Only for Incy to immediately crush his meager force and set in to siege Rainbow Dash.
For months, a giant dog has been terrorizing innocent citizens of Hinnom. 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 is here to take poor Clifford out to the countryside to live on a farm.
The first hit pops mistform.
Astral shield paralyzes Cujo. This is one of the issue with shishi as raiders. They need an amulet of antimagic to avoid dying immediately to mind hunt but even then they're still quite vulnerable. Compare that to Zmey or Bane Lords. Zmey have three heads so you have to hit them three times with mind hunt to kill them and you can give them a starshine skullcap if you're getting heavily mindhunted to put them out of reasonable reach of mindhunt without some really serious penetration gear. Bane Lords have full slots and so can be given all sorts of +MR gear if you want. The other issue with shishi as raiders is that, while they have great initial movement because of cloud trapeze, they don't fly. I personally far prefer spending air gems on Asynja, giant invisible viking ladies with full slots, if I'm summoning thugs.
King Hippomnomnomnom's crusade to eliminate all competition in the hall of fame continues. Don't worry Opalescence, you're going to a nice big farm where you'll be able to run around and chase squirrels to your heart's content. For breakfast you'll have warm cream fresh from the cow, for lunch and dinner, fresh steak followed by homemade blackberry crumble from the bushes out back and... Oh God what have I done?
In my other big battle this turn, PIMP ROBES used the Sickle Whose Crop is Pain to harvest a few death gems. With boots of quickness and heroic quickness he looks hilariously sped up compared to Mictlan's province defense. You can see he has terrible protection so I gave him an ethereal robe. He has the boots of quickness because they stack with heroic quickness and give him lots of attacks a turn and allow him to chase down any fleeing bad guys. Finally, the vine shield is to hold the bad guys in place while he cuts them down. Something funny that I want to point out here as well is that PIMP ROBES is now suffering from old age. Melqarts start out at around 500 years old and hit old age at 750 years old. Mummies, on the other hand, hit old age at exactly 500 years old. So when PIMP ROBES was brought back as a mummy he suddenly got old.
Look at all those sweet, sweet death gems. Thanks Sickle Whose Crop is Pain, you're the best!
My two mechanical giants and 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42 erect a giant statue in King Hippomnomnomnom's honor and then spread out to take the remaining provinces Mictlan agreed to leave me in our peace.
Ordinarily I would be excited by finding any discount site. There isn't much in Enchantment that benefits from a discount site compared to some other schools, but Ettin are great, and cheap liches and army of the dead (lots of crappy undead) aren't half bad. Still, this site wasn't good enough for T'ien Ch'i, or Mictlan to build a lab in and with my monster positive income of 47 I won't be building any new infrastructure any time soon.
In Histyra my troops spread out to reclaim the remaining provinces Mictlan had taken in my homeland and to reestablish blood hunting near my capital. Equally important, lookit dis beard forges most powerful sword since Excalibur.
Mage Bane is the best sword in the game. It gives its wielder +5 magic resistance and any hit immediately increases the target's fatigue by 100, rendering them unconscious. This is the SC killer and it is priced accordingly. I have a plan for Mage Bane.
duck, duck, GOOSE all move to Old Man Mountains to examine the powerful new site created by the Lore Masters (and to blood hunt).
This is my favorite kraken path combination. Air and earth allows SUPER HS LEVEL KRAKEN to cast Rain of Stones. SUPER HS LEVEL KRAKEN's inherent beefiness allows it to ignore the pebbles falling from the sky. Using defensive cloud trapeze traps to ambush an attacking communion with turn one rain of stones is one of the few ways to deal with huge death stacks of mages.
Blood stones: 81
Cost: 373E, 612 slaves
Gems Generated: 824