Part 192: Hinnom - BFFs FOREVER
Many turns ago in a game that now seems far, far away, there lived a horrible monster terrorizing the populace.
It drove two players to quit and was locked in mortal struggle with a third when along came a shining knight in magical armor made of friendship.
He fought, sort of
And they lived happily ever after. The end!
Now, let's talk about what really happened.
First, Feinne ditched the triple alliance with, uh, without much warning. Then, Dawkish got super busy at work and couldn't give video games the attention they deserved. Xanrick came on board as a temporary sub and then there was Schneeble.
Schneeble, alight the Well of Misery, fire of the Eternal Pyre. The winner, my savior. Sch-nee-ble; the middle of the tongue taking a trip of a single steps down the palate to tap, at two, on the teeth before exploding through the lips like a sneeze. Sch. Nee. Ble.
He was Schnee, plain Schnee in the morning, standing eight feet four in one sock and weighing 490 lbs, like some kind of porn star hewn from granite. He was Schnibbity Bibbity in pleated khaki slacks and pocket protector. He was Vice President Mr. Breeble at work. He was The Grand Phoobah, Commander of Hats on the dotted line. But on my team he was always Schneeble.
I desperately wanted to kill TheDemon and Schneeble wanted only not to die an ignominious death. He had been tossed from the warmth of friendly all-levels welcome games straight into the depths of a vet-only LP. Oh, and his nation was tied with Lanka for worst position. So he did what any of us would do. He clung with desperation to the life vest I threw him. OK, maybe that's kind of overstating things.
As soon as I knew Schneeble was on board, I immediately started talking to him on IRC. I laid out the situation in as friendly a manner as I could and asked him to continue to honor the friendship his predecessors and I had brokered. And then he spoke to TheDemon. TheDemon, as far as I know, offered him a cut of Hinnom. And Schneeble, miraculously, refused.
You've all seen Schneeble play and you should know that deep down he's mercenary. He doesn't want to fight straight up and is willing to stay out of things for a price. What TheDemon didn't know is that what TheDemon was offering and what I was offering were whole worlds apart. Frankly, I think this is one of the areas of this game where I've done really well. TheDemon was offering part of Hinnom and a potential loose friendship. I was offering part of Lanka (far less valuable), discounts from my construction site and a last two standing agreement. For someone whose goal was to make it to endgame, there was no comparison.
As the game went on, we agreed that, rather than a traditional endgame, we would have one final climactic battle in which we mashed all our pixelmans together and shouted "PEW PEW PEW!"
After Mictlan went down, irony.or.death objected to our agreement as being outside the intent of the game. I pointed out that he could still win by bribing Schneeble to stay out of a war with me, killing me and then killing Schneeble. Voila! Victory! Sadly, he didn't see it that way and we were left (rather unexpectedly) with just Sauromatia and Hinnom left.
Even before irony.or.death bowed out it became apparent that we needed to set some limits on our final battle because otherwise my construction and blood site fueled power curve would make things... Not entertaining. And we couldn't have that!
1. A single battle.
2. Relatively neutral dominion.
3. Schneeble goes first/is the defender.
4. I cannot summon anything efficient after turn 77.
5. We both have to bring all our pixelmans.
6. No magic duel. It's boring.