Part 27: Love Will Tear Us ApartWARNING: The following update is rated . Stop reading Let's Plays in the office and get back to the accounts. You'll never make partner at this rate.
PART 27: LOVE WILL TEAR US APART
Our exciting heroes have just woken up an ancient undead death skeleton thing by accident. Oh dear. And there's this demon infested mage tower to worry about as well...
[Just by messing with a fallen statue we've unleashed this monster. This is a real Fuck You moment from Bioware, in the noble tradition of sadist dungeon masters everywhere. The Revenant can and probably will wipe your entire party if you're not ready. Hope you saved recently!]
[Revenants have high health and armour, and can buff their defense further as the fight goes on. They can't be stunned, knocked down or backstabbed, and are immune to Cold and Poison damage. They do huge damage with their zweihanders, and have a skill that lets them hit twice in a row. They can debuff your damage with Aura of Weakness. And they can use telekinesis to instantly pull ranged party members into the melee.
All in all, fun times, and they'll show up as minibosses throughout the game.]
[Fortunately, they're vulnerable to the classic tactic of Have Alistair Tank And Drink Healing Potions Constantly.]
By the Stone, what was that thing?
Whatever it was, it's dead now... More dead.
It held a scrap of paper.
I do not like how it says first.
This is the First Enchanter's office. There may be some clues to his whereabouts.
Hey, free booze. Oh, and a note.
Oh, Irving, you old fool.
Seems like a lot of trusted right-hand men are turning out bad this year...
...I've got my eye on you, Alistair.
What did I do?
Onward and upward.
Seems peaceful in here. Maybe this floor's clear.
30 SECONDS LATER...
Seems peaceful in here.
Come on! The corpses were playing dead!
[An Arcane Horror bursts through the door while you're bogged down in zombies, and can make your life hell unless you bum rush it.
Arcane Horrors are the demon equivalent of mages, capable of firing off lots of damaging AoE magic spells, but relatively vulnerable in close quarters.]
That went well.
There's another Scroll of Banastor on this shelf. I wonder who Banastor was?
You'll probably be able to ask him when his zombified corpse jumps out from behind the bookcase.
These are not the writings of a well man.
Speaking of unwell men, I wonder how Apprentice Gant is doing.
Poorly, it would seem.
[We've found enough of these notes to actually complete the ritual Gant was pursuing and finish the quest. This note is the step by step instructions that we need.]
[There are three statues in the Great Hall- one with a bowl, one with a sword raised and one with a sword lowered. You need to interact with them in the order suggested by Gant's note. Simple, except that in the PC version there is no feedback for doing the right thing.
If you get it wrong, your lead character gets an electric shock, but if you get it right nothing happens. At all. No sound, no SFX, no Well Done! Message. It is very confusing, and the quest isn't finished yet.]
You are surprisingly fireproof, old woman.
Thank you, large man.
I take it this room doesn't normally have... flesh.
No. Either the cleaners have been startlingly remiss, or something horrible is happening to fabric of reality.
Woah! Wait, we're on your side!
[Charmed Templars are big armored dudes with big swords. They have generic fighter abilities but not much health or smarts. They are only fought in this dungeon so for a one time enemy.]
[I am including this screenshot for the purposes of demonstrating Sten's excellent golf swing.]
Look! A desire demon; tempter of men, destroyer of souls.
Well, it's not having mine.
[A lot of new enemies introduced this update! Desire demons have a ton of magical attacks and usually come with an army of brainwashed minions to boot. They also have an...uh... interesting design that we'll see more of later.]
[This demon drops a fairly useless amulet with some gloomy flavor text.]
Hey, this looks like someone's secret diary.
Should we be reading it?
Why not? They're probably dead anyway.
All hail Fonst.
I'm sorry, but I couldn't live in a world ruled by a man called Fonst. I would literally die of laughter.
[There are several of these notes scattered through this floor of the Tower. You might recognise a theme emerging.]
[I've edited out Bianca and co. collecting them all, because frankly this update is about 90% running around finding notes already.]
[And now... the punchline.]
I think I like this Beyha Joam.
[So, we now have a quest to find the mysterious conman Beyha Joam. As if we don't have enough to do already.
Joam's a long way from this Tower, lucky for him. We'll catch up with him later.]
Aw, this room smells terrible.
Blergh, there's meat everywhere.
[There's a miniboss in here in the form of an extra-tanky Abomination. Also some Shades, which are another new enemy, although we fought a similar critter as a boss back in the Korcari Wilds.
Shades are weak demons without a host body. They have a few debuff skills, but aren't much of a threat when isolated.]
Look at this place. Is the rest of the Tower going to be like this? Are we going to be crawling through viscera by level 5?
Possibly. These phenomena are unpredictable. It is fortunate we have two burly fellows to cut us a path.
How are you not dead?
I think this is the statue Gant mentioned. Let's see...
Do we really have time for this?
You never know, something good might happen.
[This statue is the final part of the Reaching quest. After fiddling with the statues in the Great Hall, we now have to use this statue. In a completely different room. That is only vaguely hinted at in the quest text. Oh well.
Using the statue gets us a journal entry hinting something unpleasant is loose downstairs. Nothing more specific so better start searching.]
[We actually have to come all the way back down to the entrance.]
There's something... it's like my teeth are tingling...
Whose bright idea was it to obey the crazed scrawlings of a lunatic?
I thought something good would happen!
[Shah Wyrd is a powered up Rage Demon. He has some vicious fire spells, but we've got a little backup too...[/i]
[The Apprentice Mages we met back in Update 24 help out with attack and support magic. This makes the fight pretty trivial.]
A strange thing. Pure, literal distraction.
Wait, did we just kill the spirit of procrastination?
[Killing the God of Students nets us this awesome greatsword, which is totally going to Sten once he's strong enough to wield it.
Anyway, where were we?]
Let's head up to level 4.
There's a lot of corpses here... The dead kind of corpse.
T-this... cannot continue. We have to stop it...
It is time for supper, pet.
Roast boar, your favorite. And candied yams. The meal looks sumptious.
This looks bad.
Is that another desire demon?
You spoil me, my sweet. How fare our children at their lessons?
You should ask them yourself
What have you learned, my son?
Mother has me practicing my penmanship. She raps me on my knuckles if my letters are not formed correctly.
This is going to a strange place.
Mother is teaching me to play the harp. And I helped with supper!
Well, it is delicious. Thank you, my dear.
Isn't this wonderful, husband? Isn't our life perfect?
Yes, it is all perfect...
That's our cue.
Everything is just as you wanted, my knight. Our love and our family is more than you hoped for.
I command you to stop what you are doing to this man! That sounded better in my head.
Do you hear something, love?
It is nothing, my darling. Just the door. I will get it.
The children have finished supper. Tuck them into bed while I see who it is.
Don't be long, the children will want to kiss you goodnight.
I will be but a moment, my pet.
[VIDEOGAMES ARE ART]
You are intruding upon a loving, intimate moment and I dislike disruptions.
There's nothing loving or intimate going on here.
I have given him what he always wanted. Where is the harm in that?
His happiness is an illusion, a cruel lie.
All ernotion is intangible. You cannot see it, cannot grasp it.
But it is normally caused by something real--real events, real people. What you've done to him is... is abhorrent.
I saw his loneliness and longing for a family that loved him.
A family where the wife and children are in reality the same person... thing. That there... that defines creepy.
How long will you keep him in this stupor? Will he know it when his body fails and death claims him?
A short, blissful existence is preferable to an interminable one of misery.
He deserves to be free from you, to find his own happiness.
Freedom cannot be given. The templar must choose it for himself.
Do you really think so?
If you help this man, what does he learn? Nothing.
No offence, Sten, but that's a stupid argument. He's magically enslaved, not cramming for an exam.
I will decide what needs to be done.
Our thoughts and spirits are melded. If one perishes, so does the other.
Though much of my strength is spent maintaining this link, I am his wife, and his children; he will defend me to the death if need be.
I want nothing from you. I have what I need. All I ask is that you leave us alone.
I must free him, even though it may mean his death.
Then you leave me no choice.
Helpl There are bandits at the door! They are going to murder the children!
They will not get past me!
[This escalates rapidly. Both the demon and the templar are elite enemies, and a load of walking corpses show up as well. The battle's in tight quarters too, which means the AoE spells the demon throws out will usually hit the entire party.]
[Dread Howl is a useful dog move that lets Barkley stun crowds.]
[I took out the Templar first, which was dumb as the demon's the bigger threat. Still, it worked out, so whatever.
If you're looking for Pro Stratz you're in the wrong LP.]
Well, we won.
Live free and die, that's our motto.
At least things can't get worse.
Things can always get worse.
NEXT TIME: Sten is correct.
NEW CODEX CONTENT:
Desire and Need
Yusaris, the Dragonslayer