Part 14: You can trust the guy with the monsters: Man, riding a ship sure brings back memories. Hey, have you ever been on a ship, Henry?
: My name's Pierre.
: Huh? Oh, right, right... still not used to being on my own.
: ... Wait, you can talk?
: Of course I can! You have spoken with monsters before, have you not?
: Well, yes, but it never really occurred to me... Why haven't you spoken up before?
: I did not want to interrupt.
While it's a short to the west from Vista Harbor, our destination, Port Selmi, is on a whole new continent. There's a lot to do over here, so let's get started!
: I doubt that he'd let someone he doesn't even know use his ship.
: I just got here! I don't need to go sailing off again just yet.
: But one day, the ship was on was attacked by sea monsters... When I think about it years later, I get so bitter and just tear up...
: If you fear for your life, you probably don't want to go there.
: As it turns out, I don't really fear much of anything anymore. Hey monsters, want to go check out some monsters?
Is it weird that the size of this lighthouse bugs me? We're still in town, but this tower is smaller than the regular buildings.
See? This would have totally fit on the town map if they'd wanted to.
: A ladder? Seriously? Haven't these people heard of stairs?
: This town has a very strange gang presence.
: Here we are, in the lair of the monsters of the lighthouse. How's it going, monsters?
: This soothes the hurt.
: What smoke? Let me see.
: Nope. Find your own telescope.
: That can't be relevant later, I'm sure.
OK, so the lighthouse was a bit of a bust. There's still some interesting stuff around town, though.
: Seeing as I have no idea what in the hell you're talking about, I'mma go with no.
: Long ago, there was a spell that could take you anywhere you wanted so long as you had been there once before. If a spell like that really existed, it would come in so handy...
Sure it would. And if wishes were slime knights, then... wait, ARE you made of wishes?
: I'm afraid not, sir.
: Yeah, Eastern lands bros!
: Just because, I'll tell you something good. Check the flower patches at the church. I think you'll find something there that you'll like.
: Hey, thanks for the tip. I'll get right on that.
: Oh, neat, it's one of those medals whose value I still don't understand. Off you go!
: But if that is the truth, why would the dragon God let these monsters terrorize our existence?
: I'm still wrestling with the idea that God is a giant dragon.
: What did you expect?
: I dunno, I always pictured God as an old man watching down on us...
: What good would an old man be against demon monsters?
: But seeing that they haven't invade us yet, it must just be a complete bull...
: Who writes such angsty graffiti? And who the hell writes *sob* and *cry*?
: And then, I'm gonna find all the treasure in existence. Cool, huh?
: Sorry to disappoint you, kid, but I'm gonna beat you to it.
: Geeze, this place is pretty big.
: There seems to be some commotion over there.
: Owww, I'm hurt!
: We are the help! We're your dream come true! So hand over your money!
: No way! Like I'd trust the likes of you! This is the village's money! Money we saved for--
: Oh shut up already and give me the-- Hmmm?
: Why yes. Yes I do. Not really a big fan of bullies, here.
: Bring it on then! I'm gonna kick your ass, wuss! Hold the mercy!
: You look... different up close.
This isn't even a boss fight. The bandit wolves' bark is far worse than their bite.
: Thank you so much, Sire! Hmm... I think... I think I can trust you... Please! You've got to help me!
: I don't see why not. I mean, I'm on a quest and all, but it's not like I have any idea where I'm going.
: Oh thank you thank you! I'll only say it once, so listen up, okay? See, there's this huge creature that seems ta like to rampage my village's fields! Without them crops, my village will starve! So I came here as village rep to find a strong warrior to help us! Boy, I'm glad I stumbled upon you! You seem like a right strong fella! Now, I ain't asking ya to do this for free... We collected 3000 gold for you! Half is yours now!
: Well, that explains why the bandits were harassing you. Why didn't you just keep the money in the depository until you found help?
: And let the stinkin' gubmint get their hands on it? You'll get the rest when you beat up the monster! Great! I'll be waiting back at the village! I'll see ya there! My village is waaaaaaay South of here! It's called Kabochi![/i]
The villager leaves to go tell the village or something. I'm sure he'll make it home, through monster infested wilderness, just fine. Meanwhile, Simon's not done checking out the saloon.
: What in the world are you talking about? Simon is made entirely out of muscle and sinew.
: But let me tell you, that place is super hicksville.
: I only asked you what you wanted to drink, but hey, your life story's cool too.
: Something about finding the Legendary Hero to save the world or something.
It's not immediately obvious, but downstairs you can walk onto the stage and then back into the backstage area.
: Are we supposed to be back here, Simon?
: What do you mean? The door was open, I'm just looking around. What could be back here, anyway?
: Unclothed human females, for one.
: Um... uh... yes?
: Very smooth, sir.
: Oh, you cassanova.
: I could care less about make up cos' I look better au natural anyhow.
: Don't look at me like that!
: I will not say a word.
: If you want to see us dance, then come to bar.
I'm not sure why this one bunnygirl dancer gets to have a name. I'm going to guess the answer starts with "Because Toriyama."
: You're on my list, door.
Obviously we want to check out the dancers when they're actually putting on a show. We could just go outside and pound monsters for a while, but we've got that shortcut...
You do have to be outside to use the Lamp of Darkness, and it only changes day to night, not vice versa. You can always just nap at an inn to get back to daytime, though.
: Yow. Only now do I realize how grateful I am to have escaped slavery.
: Wooo!! Clarise! Baby! Lemme see your face, beautiful!
: Face? I though human males preferred to look at
: Let's not go there right now, Pierre.
: I wish I could get a girl like that to... um... marry...
: Wonder what he was doing for over a decade? Weird, huh?
: You have no idea.
: One of those spells is supposed to make traveling a lot easier. I can't imagine how, though...
: The pieces are starting to come together...
: You may not believe this, but I've seen the Legendary Hero with my own eyes!
: Really!! Don't you want to hear how I saw him? I might be more willing to talk if you bought me a drink...
: Yeah, sure. Hey, bartender, hook this guy up with one more of whatever he's been drinking.
: One expensive whiskey coming up!
: This better be good.
: It must have been over a decade ago! I met a God of a man searching for the Zenithian Armor! He said something about gathering all the Legendary Equipment and venturing into the Demon World! He was beat up from his travels, but his face! He looked like a King! Now that was a Legendary Hero! Oh yes! I remember his name like heard it just yesterday! It was... Papas! A fine, regal name, Papas!
: Hah! You're about 90% right there, old man. Not sure why you're going on about how regal he was, though.
: Me? I want to set out and quest for a prince on a white horse...
: Eh, it's not like I'm keeping it on the down low.
: Now what in the hell are you doing up here?
: Heh heh! I thought I was the only one who knew about this place! That's right! If you lean in, you can see the dancing girls' cleavage! Heh heh!
: You see? I was right!
: But my wife, man, she doesn't have one complaint about it! Hey... I wonder why...
: ... You're lucky your husband's deaf, lady.
: The poor man. It's a shame there is nothing we can do for him.
That's probably enough hanging around town and ogling pretty girls. We did promise to go help those villagers with their monster problem, after all.
: You know, I don't think there's a square inch of land I've ever been to that wasn't full of monsters. Why does this place bother with a warning sign?
: Woah, it got dark all of a sudden. Hey, what's that?
Next time: No, really, what is that?