Part 24: Simon the King
: You best go see your wife right away! She might be worried!
:Hey, dudes. I'm back. Did you guys know that your trials are stupid?
: I mean, welcome back. I never doubted you, for you truly are your father's son... I am in... awe of your archievements, Sire. Wa ha ha.
: Riiiiight. You and me are going to have a little chat later.
: You have brought to me the Symbol of Royalty. Now I can cede to you my throne with a clear and unclouded conscience!
: Complaints, Sire? They were the slightest of reservations, Sire. I was only thinking of the good of the country, you see...
: Hmmm... I see... Anyhow, Simon will be crowned Granvania's King!
: Well... I suppose I must inform the country of this... And the ceremony of ascension... I will personally take care of that as well... Well, there's much to do, so I'll be on my way... I'll take my leave now!
: Pretty sure he's just sucking up to save his own neck. Some thugs attacked me in the Cave of Trials, and I'm pretty sure that...
: What? What is it? Is Bianca OK?
: What... what's going on?
: My liege! Lady Bianca... Lord Simon's wife... she's... She's in labor!!
: What? She's given birth?!
: Urm, no... You do know what labor means, don't you? but... but she's about to!
: Wonderful! This must be a sign! A new King and a new prince, all at once!
: Guh... buh...
: Lord Simon... This way, Sire...
: Oh, right, yeah... Oh God...
: I... I'll try my best to give you a healthy baby... *huff huff*
: Oh God Oh God
: Sir, please don't panic around the pregnant woman.
: I'm sorry! It's just... what if something...
: It is you and Lady Bianca's child... of course it will turn out beautiful.
: I... Yes. Yes, she's right, Bianca. You're going to make a beautiful baby.
: Silence, please! A new life is about to be born...
: oh god oh god
: But if you don't stop that pacing I will burn you.
: Now come come. Let us leave this to the experts and let us wait downstairs.
: I tried that plan, it didn't work out so well...
: A prince? Or a princess? Whichever it is, oh it will be glorious!
: Ah, but waiting around like this... it reminds me so of when you, young master, were born. When you were born, ah, it must have been the happiest moment in Lord Papas' life...
There really isn't anything to do except kill time pacing. This baby's waited a completely mysterious and confusing amount of time already, it won't be hurried now!
: Young master! Congratulations!
: Don't just stand there gawking! Get in there!
: Hey... wait a minute...
: ... Since when do you fish for compliments, Bianca?
: Since I squeezed two human beings out of my body for you, asshole. Now tell me I did good!
: They're beautiful, dear. This is wonderful.
: Thank you.
: But how the hell did you hide two people inside you?
: Shut up. Simon... These are our children... What should we do about their names? I'd prefer if you named them, if you don't mind. I'm exhausted. The best I could come up with right now is Aaaaargh and OHFUCK.
: You read me a story about a hero named Erdrick once, when we were very little. It stayed with me in dark times.
: ... No specific reason. I just like the name.
I actually considered naming her Lota, to be a little more like Loto, but it turns out that's an actual hindi word with a distinctly unheroic meaning.
: Erdrick and Lola... I hope that peace comes by the time these two grow up...
: We'll be with them to keep them safe.
: I... I feel just a little tired... so... I'll just nap a little, alright...? Goodnight, Simon... I... I'm so happy for us...
The people rejoiced from the bottom of their hearts that Papas' son was alive and over Ojiron's decision to crown Simon King. And so, within the day, a new King of Granvania was to be born...
: Oh, sure, fine, fine. Actually I stayed up all night watching the babies.
: Today is your Ascension ceremony, isn't it? I'm so proud of you...
: When I was young, I thought that your mother and father were born your mother and father, and I was born me.
: Um.. who am I in this example?
: But now I know that they were babies too before they became my parents... Simon, I hope that we can be wonderful parents to our children...
<- This is probably important enough to warrant a video link!
: Friends! Listen now to this proclamation! Some of you may already know, but the one standing beside me is the son of our late King Papas! I plan this day to give Simon the throne of Granvania. Simon... Kneel before me...
: By this sanction under God, I hereby relinquish my throne unto you! Now, Simon... Take your place upon the throne...
: Witness the birth of Granvania's new King!
: Hooray for King Simon! Hooray for the ascension of Lord Simon! Glory upon Granvania! Hooray for King Simon!
: My lord, Simon... You must go and greet your subjects now!
: My lord, the people of our grand nation await you at the bottom of those stairs.
: King Simon!
: Hooray for the new King! Hooray for King Simon!
: Young master! No... King Simon! Congratulations, Sire! I... I... I have never been so happy in my life! *sob sob*
Some sang in joy, some danced, but all displayed their appreciation for the new King!
: Ha! I totally told you guysh you couldn't keep up with me. Total lightweightsh.
: Oh man that'sh such a good idea. I'mma go sleep thish off.
: Ha ha look at these fools couldn't even make it to their beds.
: I know, right? Cuz I drank it all! Ha!
: Way to go, Lord Chancellor! *mumble mumble*
: Hey, no creepy chancellor can outdrink me. I'm the king! See! Look at this crown! Where's my crown? OK but anyway I'm totally the king.
: Oh man here you are. That nun was totally into you, man, where were you?
: Hey get up I gotta go take a leak.
: Sleeping on the job huh? No! It's fine! Don't do what the King sez! Whatever! I have my own bathroom anyway, so there.
: Bianca! Bianca honey! Where are you? The King wants smooches!
: Hunh. I guess she left to... uh... do queen... stuff. That's cool. I'll just go find her.
: ... ... The children.
: Oh, God, please let the children be OK. I'll never drink again.
: The Queen! Lady Bianca!
: ... No...
: She's been kidnapped by monsters!
: I... all I could do was to calm your children and hide them from harm... But the Queen.. I... Oh forgive me, Sire! *sob*
: The palace was oddly quiet, so I came to investigate... is there something wrong?
: They took her, Sancho. The bastards took her.
: No... it can't be... The Queen... Lady Bianca... Dear God! This is just like that day, twenty years ago...
: Why, Sancho? Is there a God damned curse on my family?
: No! We mustn't let history repeat itself! Young master! Come on! We must wake up all of the palace guards, now! And we... we shall rescue the Queen!
: I... Yes. Yes! You're right. I'm thinking clearly now. I'm going to find out what happened, and I'm going to get my wife back. Guards! GUARDS!
Early in the morning, a war council is called.
: Yes, Sire. But Lady Bianca said that she felt an evil presence, and she bid me hide away with her children...
: But the odd thing, Sire... How could we be so drunken as to all have fallen asleep?!
: Although... if someone had slipped a sleeping drug in the wine...
: That son of a bitch...
: A possibility... hmmmm... and where is the Chancellor? He hasn't been around for hours! Has anyone here seen the Chancellor?!
: I should have killed him as soon as walked back in the door.
: Hmmm... Normally, in crisis like this, I would ask the Chancellor as to what steps need to be taken... but...
: Someone just tell me where the dead man is.
: King Simon... I... I know how you must feel...
: Do you? Do you, really?
: Martha was my sister-in-law, remember? No matter what it takes, we must rescue the Queen! Guards... search the castle!
The guards file out, ashamed to have failed in their duties.
: Oh dear me! What should I do? Oh dear oh dear me!
: We will find the Queen! I am sure of it!
: Now with your ascension to the throne, the Lady Bianca was... It's so scary...
: Gods, I cannot express deeply enough my disbelief and grief for this thing that has befallen you, Sire.
: Huh? The King?! Urrh, oops! I'm sorry for that... I... I...
: Have you found anything yet?
: We... we thought you'd like to be the one to search his room.
: ... You were right.
: Now, what the hell is this?
The Flying Shoes suddenly whisk Simon away from the castle!
: This must be where that coward fled to...
: She's here, I know it. I will tear this tower to the ground to get her back. Do you hear me, Chancellor? I'm coming for you!