Part 31: Fool's Quest
"This seems like the place, but it looks like we're going to have to do some watching."
"You all have fun with that. We'll still be in the wagon."
"These old bones aren't up for that kind of walking, you see."
"Nothing really new here, although there's something about that knight that's a bit different.."
"Ragnar finds his taste in armor to be excellent."
"There's a marvelous technology I'd like to introduce to this country called the 'bridge.' Maybe with a construction company."
"That's certainly.. novel.. it seems like they have some public boats available though."
"Let's hurry up and get to this challenge then. I wonder what he wants us to fight?"
"Get in line behind us."
"The scholar at our castle knows the legend well."
"In other words, you're too senile to remember the entire story and are shoving it off onto another old man."
"A floating armor shop. What a novel idea.."
"Ragnar is not impressed with the selection."
"More money and a better selection would be nice."
"Until they don't and your entire town is emptied by monsters."
"Or burned to the ground."
"Ragnar believes that Zenithians help people who help themselves and Ragnar will help himself and the children."
"Excuse me.. EXCUSE ME! We're having a rendezvous. Don't intrude!"
"That's the last thing I ever thought I'd see on a boat.."
"Or you could make him a dinner before he leaves and let him carry it with him."
"Alright, as soon as we're done here we're tracking down the guy who collects these. I'm sick of them cluttering up the bag."
"But.. but.. that doesn't involve killing ANYTHING!"
"Any reward they desire, you say?"
"Ragnar is usually the last one to throw stones at guarding styles, but it is pretty sure that monsters will not sneak through bushes."
"there was a castle above the clouds, and the master of dragons lived there."
"That's an awesome childhood story. I wish the ones I heard were like that."
"to destroy the Ruler of Evil and other monsters."
"The only problem I see with that is that he's up there and the problem is down here."
"Going back to talking with nun, Ragnar thinks Master Dragon is waiting for us to help ourselves."
"I don't blame the king for wanting to laugh away his fears."
"The good news is that we took the castle back from them. You can tell the king that if he has any problems he can call us."
"Or just tell us what they are before it gets to that point and we'll take care of it before it gets to that."
"With each one we find, I start to wonder what we can even trade these in for."
"You don't really need heavy armor or weapons to fight monsters. I do just fine without them.. just punch through their skull with your bare hands"
"That's not realy a better option."
"That's why the King issued the proclamation even though he knew he would be laughed at."
"Ragnar thought the King issued proclamation so he could laugh, not be laughed at?"
"HA! It's a joke because the penguin is dead!"
"Keep working on your delivery."
"I'm telling you, the real money is in puns."
"Panon.. Panon..I've heard that name before.."
"Wasn't he in the Keeleon area and heading south from Kievs?"
"Whoever obtains the Zenithian Armor, Helm, Shield, and Sword will be allowed into Zenithia."
"Only the Helm has been handed down in our royal family."
"Hopefully that means allowed in with escort, or else only one of us can go up.."
"I think this might make the Zenithian equipment something you have to be careful about who you sell it to.."
"I heard, however, the Zenithian Shield was once at Burland Castle.."
"You won't be able to because we're going to find them first. Sorry."
"If this is true, Ragnar is very disappointed that he was not given great shield when he set out for finding Lady Hero."
"Tell me about it. Story of my life."
"That's not a joke. That's a statement of fact.. and a terrible one at that."
"Puns, puns puns. How many times do I have to tell you people?"
"It doesn't make you a bad person person because you forgot your jokes."
"It just makes you a person who's not going to get the reward."
"Heard it. Heard it. 'I'm sorry, but you definitely slept with a penguin.' 'Where's the nun with the sore tooth.' Come back when you've got a better set of jokes."
"Lady Hero died on stage. We need Panon."
"First the weapon store, next we turn in these medals, third Panon."
"The weapon store?"
"I saw something there that one of us could use.."
"Ha ha ha! I love this thing!"
"Hmm.. that's an odd cave. Let's check in at the shrine."
"That's what I like to hear."
"Huh. That was easy to find."
"Finally. Here, take the damn things. What are they worth to you?"
"Quite.. quite a bit, evidently. I'll take the sword, please."
Author's Note: The Sword of Miracles has 100 attack power compared to the Battle Axe's 50 and returns some of the damage it does to the wielder as HP. Obviously I could have come and gotten this before doing any of those harder fights and made them easy, but it was more fun the other way. Also noteworthy is that unlike other incarnations of the medal game you don't get rewards at certain tiers of medals. You actually have to trade them in to buy what you want. There are 32 medals in the game, so choose wisely.
"Fine, fine, so you got a new sword. Can we go and pick up the joke guy now?"
"Ragnar thinks that dancing girls would get even bigger crowds. You should try that."
"Eh, too much trouble. They all run off to avenge their fathers or things like that anyway. Comedians are more dependable."
"It's the chance of a lifetime. Not many people get a chance to perform for a king.."
"But Ragnar thought they were letting everyone perfo.."
"And to get it you'll need my talent?"
"By any chance, do you intend to go to Zenithian Castle? No, you don't have to tell me."
"I understand. I'll accompany you."
Panon, as you can see, is a poor man's version of Taloon who can never gain levels. Unfortunately you need him to deal with the king, so somebody has to be sent to the wagon.
"Stupid jester.. wouldn't know a good pun if it bit him in the.."
You also have to rearrange the party so that he's the first person in line to talk to the king, as it only checks that first slot."
"However, I believe who brought me here surely can!"
"Hey, don't look at me here."
"Ragnar knows a joke about three soldiers visiting a farmer's house who has a daughter and having to pick vegetables..."
"Panon! You perceived my true intention!"
"I thought if I brought lots of funny entertainers here, they would make my people happy.."
"But I've realized you can't cheer up people who have lost hope."
"Your request is well taken. I place all my hope in you!"
"Wait, you mean we could have just come in here and been serious with you and you'd have actually given us what we wanted? What the hell did we travel halfway across the world to get a JESTER for?!"
"It showed how dedicated you were and that you were actually paying attention to my proclamation."
"Thank you, your Majesty. I'll wear it proudly."
"Goodbye, Lamarck. I wish you success."
"Thanks for doing something we could have done ourselves if we'd known the damn king would accept sincerity instead of jokes."
"Seriously, we appreciate it. I think he just wanted someone in a jester's hat to tell him to stop worrying."
"Ragnar wants to go find the Zenithian shield at Burland and tell the King that he found the Hero and she is a lady."
"Okay... how do we get to Burland from here?"
"..Ragnar is a soldier, not a sailor and does not know."
"Dammit. And it's not like our treasure map has the countries labeled on it or anythi..good god, what is that?"
"Half man, half walrus, and a hideous mass of blubber."
"I'm just thankful that one flap of skin hangs down so low."
"I'm pretty sure this can't be Burland..Ragnar, is any of this starting to look familiar?"
"Ragnar has never seen these places in his entire life."
"This could take a while."