Part 29: Episode XXI: In Which You Must Answer Me These Questions, Says ThreeEpisode XXI: In Which You Must Answer Me These Questions, Says Three
Music: Descendus (Instrumental)
Well then, Zero now has three disciples under her belt. Err... Phrasing... Anyway, while there are three disciples in the party, we're only allowed to take two along with us into any given mission. Not that it matters worth a good goddamn given the utter uselessness of them in combat. It also changes nothing in regards to in-game dialog. The game simply treats it as though all party members are present on the field. So no worries on missing out on banter.
There is a reason later on in the story to switch out our disciples in regards to weapon unlocks. But we're not going to have to worry about that for a good chip of time. But we can take a quick look at their profiles while we're here.
In case you were wondering the disciple dick size ranking, Drakengard 3 has taken care of telling you who is at the top of the pecker order. I suppose we'll take him along for the ride. Dito could use a break. He's been running into walls for a whole chapter and a half.
It's been a while since we've hung out with the party at campfire. Having a creepy old man we met in the woods sounds like as good an occasion as any for Zero to slack off for the evening. Let's see how the crew are fairing.
We're still in Three's territory, ya know? He could stab us in the back pretty much anytime.
I welcome men to my side, and then I bed them. That's just how it works. I'll worry about everything else later.
That's rather accommodating. ...In a lot of ways.
Seriously, though... You'd bump uglies with that old bag of bones?
Hopefully she keeps her head on straight. Those giant scissors of hers are dangerous.
Scissors? She has... scissors!? Oh, you can cause such exquisite pain with scissors! Nnngh...
Big fan of scissors, are we?
Yeah, if they're cuttin' off his junk...
I can't wait to see Lady Three's toys. Err, her scissors! Ahhh...
Friends? I have no friends here.
Huh? What about me? And Dito? And Decadus? And Octa?
A dummy, a psycho, a waste of space, and a pervert. Yeah, we're a merry band, all right.
That's mean, Zero! ...Umm, I'm not the pervert, am I?
I'd like to think of myself as your friend, at least...
Because my appetite for LOVE is unsated! I need bootie in the morning, I need my afternoon delight, I need sweet love under the stars of--
All right, all right! I got it.
To do nothing but plunder the feedbox, day after day, would make me the happiest man alive! And yet, Lady Three begs off at every opportunity. How can I stay with someone like that? I would hope that you, Lady Zero, would be intelligent enough to recognize my value.
Oh ho ho! The shrine lies beyond the Forest of Fog.
Probably full of traps and enemies and other annoying shit like that, huh?
Well, it does involve a trial or two, yes. But if you desire carnal action in the great outdoors, there's simply no better place! Ho ho.
Verse 4: Three's Riddles
New Music: Pulchregeist - Battleground
Time to make our way through The Forest Ruins segment of the Land of Forests. Since we've seen so much solid infrastructure construction in The Land of Forests up until now. Or the Land of Mountains for that matter... Or the Land of Seas... Or Cathedral City...
So Drakengard 0 was about the systematic eradication of all city planners and construction workers by--
Oh ho ho. Not so much messed up as simply... odd. True, she's unpredictable and armed with giant scissors. But when she gets aroused... grraaaawwwl!
Heh. Sounds like a handful.
Oh yes. Though her mind is sharp. Almost as sharp as her blades! Ho ho ho!
This is a rather light on combat mission. Indeed, it is mostly a big ol' tutorial for the use of Chakrams. Or rather, banging into your head the few times the game is going to force you to use the piece of garbage due to enemies being out of your reach.
Melee combat wise, chakrams are akin to a really ineffective sword with a wider arc of attack. Performing a combo will usually (different weapons of the same type have somewhat different animations, usually depending on size) attack in a 360 arc hitting all enemies surrounding Zero. But, if you are getting mobbed by foes in a game where you have a near instant air-dash... you're probably doing it wrong. If you're using chakrams to fight trash mobs, you're definitely doing it wrong.
The true purpose of chakrams is that it is a ranged attack. The only ranged attack, since traditional magic is a thing of the past in Drakengard 3. Which makes total sense in the game where you're playing as a magic songstress.
Instead of the stamina attack of the chakram being a powered up strong attack of the usual weapon variety, it instead puts Zero into a zoomed out targeting mode. Time slows down to a crawl for as long as Zero's stamina holds out to move reticle over up to six targets. Releasing the button will send the chakram flying at improbable distances and no adherence to the laws of physics to whack all designated foes upside the head. I've watched a few episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess back when. That checks out.
The actual attack power of a lobbed chakram is exactly enough to take out any pesky archers out on the field. Which is to say the equivalent of a weak ass basic sword swipe because archers have so little HP they will keel over dead merely by Mikhail's odor vapor while he is standing in their vicinity. It takes 3-4 thrown chakram attacks to take out a basic, run of the mill level 1 soldier standing around minding his own business.
Needless to say, chakrams are a situation specific ass weapon and that situation is the game going, "Hey buddy, fuck you! Go use the chakram here because we placed an enemy out of reach!"
I assume you mean Mikhail? No, I have not. Would you like me to turn back and look for him, my lady?
No. Do it once and he'll expect it. Dummy's probably just lost again.
Alert! ALERT! Octa has joined with the enemy!
A disciple betraying his own Intoner? Unthinkable!
Octa, is it true Lady Three's scissors can cut through anything?
It is! You don't know how many times she tried to remove my precious trouser trout.
Uuuungh... Just the thought of it... It sounds like a living hell...
Indeed. Without Little Octa, I'd have nothing to live for!!
Is it true?! Octa is our enemy now?
There must be a reason.
Maybe he's actually a double agent...?
Yeah... Yeah! That must be it!
A dozen dead speculating soldiers amidst extreme circumcision discussion later...
When I am open, I am not open. When I am closed, I am not closed. ...What am I?
Riddles, most likely. I imagine they're meaningless. Lady Three always did enjoy her games of wit.
What a pain. That girl is messed in the head.
An apt description if I do say so myself! Ho ho ho!
We are now faced with the primary challenge of this particular mission: Gargoyle Cubes. This is a returning enemy from Drakengard 1 and 2. It is a uh... well it is a cube and... it shoots lasers. They were exclusively found in Aerial Missions. Drakengard 3's incarnation is... well it is a cube and... it shoots lasers. But at the same time it also spouts mysterious sounding nonsense from Sister Three. The laser blast itself has a considerable charge up time that is evaded by quite literally just not standing in the same place after it fires. Just a couple yards in either direction will do. Jumping? That works. They pose virtually no threat.
So how do we deal with Three's security system. Well, you see it opens up to reveal a cannon within the cube and then...
...Yeah. That about covers it. Just one hit will do the trick. Pretty simple business here at ground level. It could be a trick if they were to fly any higher though. We may have to employ our newly begotten weapon type in that instance. Hmm...
Such boxes appear to be the key to opening doors in this area.
Yep... Octa has it right. And you are now looking at the rest of this stage. Whack the Gargoyle Cube. You know, you could have just flown over this all if you kept track of your damn dragon for more than ten minutes at a time, Zero. C'mon, Zero! Nowe figured out this kind of thing, Zero. I just gave Nowe, a complement, Zero. NOWE, ZERO!
As I said. The rest of this stage is just a great big chakram tutorial for Zero. The disciples straight up just sit down and start chilling out taking a load off for a bit as soon as we get to each set of these puzzle arenas. They know they've no business participating. Octa might have a bit flimsier an excuse, but I think they know the limits of their crummy in-game AI routines.
Each box in this arena will spout a riddle by Three, much to Zero's annoyance. Feel free to puzzle out the answer to Three's questions at your own leisure. Our heroine is not interested.
I am approximately three by morning. I am most likely three by noon. I am occasionally three by night. ...What am I?
You're too goddamn vague is what you are!
One box down...
I am a flower blooming by the pond. I am a butterfly floating in the night. I am the sea, crashing against the mountains. ...What am I?
How the hell should I know!? You're not making any sense!
My people shed their clothes whenever lost in the forest. ...What am I?
You're nobody! Nobody does that!
Three of Three's boxes down...
1, 4, 7, 9 ,12, 16, 19...
Oh, what the sweet crispy fuck is this?
22, 10,789, 99,980. ...What comes next?
My boot up your ass! How about that!?
Four of Three's boxes activated... De-activated...? I dunno...
What makes you say so?
Uh, helloooo? She has riddle machines? This is the kind of thing that shut-ins do to try and make themselves seem all mysterious and alluring.
You... think so?
Oh, God... You're still thinking about the scissors, aren't you?
No, I... Oooh... Maybe.
There's only one more of these left. With twice as many cubes... Hang in there.
I know, right? Crazy AND violent? Sounds like your soulmate.
Look, how about I just crush your junk for you?
...Tahaha! Relax, I'm just kidding!
...Dito. Where is the true you hiding?
Huh? Wh-What are you talking about? Tch. I'm right here! Oh, you're such a joker! H-he. Ha ha! He...
Goodness! Someone's pants are getting a tad mountainous...
Don't look. It's shameful...
On the contrary! Such excitement from thought alone is the sign of a pure heart.
Don't compliment me! I've been bad! So... very bad...
Indeed she is. Although her body more than makes up for it! Ho ho ho!
Oh really? Well, she must be one tough cookie if she was able to handle you.
Oh, it's not like that. My incredible skill was enough to melt her, body AND soul! But alas, her full potential was beyond even my sordid imagination. Just the sight of her love pantry was enough to make my snake sprrrrriiing from the can... Ahh... It's so good to be young!
Young? ...You don't own a mirror, do you?
Oh ho ho! Believe it or not, I'm still only 22!
Huh? I'M 22! How can you be the same age as me!?
It's true! It seems my extensive erotic escapades have extinguished my youthful essence.
The hell, man... Sounds like you're just as freaky as the Intoner you served.
...If nothing this entry into the series is expanding the things you can just stare at and go uhh... Drakengard! Anyway, the final area of the mission has eight Gargoyle Cubes scattered around well out of Zero's reach and some are even moving. Time to get to it with those stylish Frisbee skills, Z. This time around the boxes talk AFTER being hit by Zero: Murder Princess.
Are your actions crimes, Zero? Or do you consider this justice?
Who cares? Good and evil are all the same.
Such a blood sword... Is it light? Or is it heavy? Heh heh heh!
Light enough to finish what I need to do.
Whether human or beast, all should brush their teeth between meals...
The eddy repeats. Sin meets sin, and despair meets despair.
None of us in this world are powerful. We merely hide our faults and guard our weaknesses. We were all lost forms of existence from the start...
Dreamlike days are nothing but dreams. Unbelievable truths are nothing but lies.
If we are doomed to separate, why do we seek each other? An eternal ouroboros will in the end devour us all.
Those who know truth do not necessarily live by it...
Are you done? God, I thought she'd never shut up.
Excellently done, my lady.
What a drain. Who comes up with this shit?
But alas, I fear it will be even trickier from here on out.
Son of a bitch...
And that does it for the final "puzzle" of Verse 4. And... we never see these Gargoyle Riddle boxes in the main game ever again. Thank, Drakengard Christ.
Wait, didn't we puzzle this out back in Verse 1? And the party was roughly the same distance back then? Zero, have you been just pacing in a wide circle around the gigantic tree in the middle of the forest like you're on a side-scrolling adventure?!
Gaaaaah. Ohh gah! Ohuaaah!
Oh! Uh... Zero! Ehheh... Hehehe...
Ouugh hohoho! <cough> <hack>
Ugh...gah... Hohoho! <exhale> Uuuuuggh!
Drakengard! 3! Your one stop shop for unexpected scenes of dragon bodily functions!
Video: Verse 4 Highlight Reel
Land of Forests Official Art - Looks a bit more Land of Jungles to my untrained eyes.