Part 64: Episode XLVI: This is a Story About Young Love and Monster Murder
Episode XLVI: This is a Story About Young Love and Monster Murder
Once upon a time, many moons ago...
...there was a young man and a beautiful Intoner. The Intoner was a boundlessly kind and cheerful young girl. And while her partner was not the most intelligent man... he truly did love her.
This is the story of a certain couple... A couple that was deeply in love.
Of all the Intoner sister prologues, Two's Prologue is the only one that takes place after Zero and Michael's failed assault on the Cathedral City, Notspain. If you'll recall in the main campaign prologue and later Cent's short story, Two and Cent were planning on a monster slaying backpacking across Reverse-Europe trip together. This is that trip! Also, this DLC miiiiiight explain how Two went from a happy, bubbly idiot in love to a broken, psychotic giggle factory of murder. So that should be fun!
You know why? Because... I am with the greatest man in the whole wide world!
Verse 1: The Intoner of Mercy
Music: Pulchregeist - Battleground
We begin our adventures with Two and Cent in the Land of Mountains region just prior to Four's fortress in the main campaign. A good a place to start as any.
Our goal for this verse is simple: Lay the beat down on all monsters in the area. I mean... that is kind of always our goal in every single level of this game. Come to think of it... why are there even objective cut-ins to begin with...? It's always just a variation of "Kill _______" until the door opens to the next area where a task of "Defeat the ______" awaits. I'm sure there is some commentary on the futility of choice and predestination. Please like and subscribe to my 16 part Youtube series on the subject.
Yes, Lady Two.
Hey, quit it with the "Lady Two" stuff, okay? When we're alone, it's just Two, got it?
I've been doing this LP for coming up on three months now. Have I mentioned the numbers one, two and three have lost all meaning to me? I need to reevaluate any statements using those numbers now. It's quite troubling. At least Four and Five had the decency to die early and barely be mentioned again. So those digits can recover from being associated in my head meat with Murder Vocaloids.
Speaking of murder, this region is lousy with monsters in this side story. Ogres and wolves and imps, oh my that last one sucks. Two comes armed with a large sword moveset. If you watched the boss battle against her earlier, it's identical to that animation wise. Like One, Two is stuck with her solitary unique weapon and there is no swapping out during her campaign. So of course they'd stick imps, an enemy that swords kind of suck against, against Two right off the bat.
A bit of monster mashing later...
Yeah, there's no end to it.
It's not unlike my undying love for you, my lady.
Hee hee! Oh, Cent! Even at a time like this, you say the sweetest things!
We eliminate the evil lord only to have the land overrun with monsters... Even a disciple of my caliber is taken aback at the sad state of this world.
Gosh, Cent, listen to you! You're sooooo mature!
...So yeah. The rest of this verse is going to be lovey-dovey mush like this in-between bouts of ogre bashing and the like. And shut up, Cent. This world is perfectly fine right now. I don't see any fantasy nuke dropping flying clams in the sky or elf holocausts going down. Yet.
Me? Oh, I'm fine. This is all for the sake of One, after all!
True. Once Lady One takes over, it'll be a brighter future for us all. Still, you know I'm REALLY fighting for you, Lady Tw--ah, I mean, Two.
Aw, Cent! Heh. You're totally gonna make me cry!
Nothing like a cute couple bonding together in a blissful murder roadtrip of their own, dismembering any sub-human filth in their path. I mean c'mon, trolls. Everyone knows you are supposed to be confined to the faerie forest ghettos of the Land of Forests. What are you even doing up in the Land of Mountains? Sorry but that's just a state mandated death penalty on the spot. Lady One's vision demands it.
And wolves? Come now! When Four takes over regency of the region she cannot be expected to deal with roaming packs of wild wolves. That's far too much stress. You all need to get back to the Land of Forests as well and go eat some bitchgrass. Brown wolves all need to go back to the desert for territorial disputes with masked men and wedding crashing duties. C'mon. There is a certain order to things that must be maintained or else all is chaos!
Isn't this enough for today, my... Two?
No way! Let's keep going!
But I can't possibly permit my lover to overexert herself...
Oh, you naughty thing! Keep calling me "lover," and I'll do whatever you say!
If you need some brawn here, just leave it to me.
Thanks, Cent, but I'm... kinda stronger than you.
No fear, for tonight I shall relieve you of your excess strength, my lady.
Yeah... I could sort of see why the rest of the Intoner clan kind of groaned at these two after a while. Ever been around a parody like lovey-dovey couple in their 30s acting like this? That shit's embarrassing to watch. At least Two has the excuse of being anime 18 and Cent is uhh... probably at least a teenager in bird years so... Wait.
Anyway... right. More disarming ogres and such. Carrying on.
The final challenge of Two's first mission is a pair of titans. I could have sworn it was established titans were powered by Intoner magic in the first place. So I am uncertain as to why we're facing a hostile duo of 'em at the moment. I really do need to write up a list of all the crap that has been attributed to Intoner songstress magic. When was the last time any of 'em actually used their voice for any spell casting, anyway? Catatonic Two doing the world's longest opening her mouth and say "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa" routine back in Chapter 4?
I'm sure. You know, you certainly do seem fond of Lady One, don't you?
Yeah, I guess... I just want to see her smile, you know? Whenever she smiles, it is soooo cuuuuuute!
By the way, Cent's subtitles... you might have missed a spot in that last exchange.
I don't think the game has ever tasked us with facing two titans at once. Well outside of cheating with Mikhail, that is. That hardly counts. Titans aren't much on mobility, so the whole divide and conquer routine with other enemies isn't so hot in this situation. This calls for more of a dive in and attack, exploit Titans' long, single-direction attack animations they lock themselves into, alternate to the other and repeat. They love to do a three string attack if an Intoner is up in their grill. They also tend to taunt afterwards. Since I know if I made magically created two story sentinels, I'd program them to be cocky too.
Failing that, titans bleed an awful lot for magic metal automatons and there is always Two's neon blue variety of Intoner mode to pop off in a pinch. I wish there was more to Intoner mode than "oh right I have that, I should make this fight easier on myself". But alas...
All in a days work for a romantic murder weekend get-away. Even with these mundane beginnings, I'm sure it will be a vacation to remember by journey's end. Just you wait.
Video: Two's Prologue Verse 1 Highlight Reel
Two Concept Art - Anime scarf weaver is a remarkably lucrative profession.