Part 71: Episode LII: This is a Story About Being Hounded by AnnoyancesEpisode LII: This is a Story About Being Hounded by Annoyances
Verse 3: Big Dogs
Music: Pulchregeist - Battleground
Today Three is tasked with cleaning up the mess she left behind back in Four's Fortress. At least this time we can excuse Four's absence here. What with her tendency to hop on an airship and flee half way across the continent if so much as an irritated looking mosquito shows up in her vicinity.
For this mission, Octa is taking some vacation time and foregoing the excursion to the Land of Mountains. He only requested three days off. Not sure what that's all about. In his place, Gabriella has taken over sidekick duties. I am sure she is entirely thrilled with Three's odd duck ass riding on her to go kill some abominations of SCIENCE!
...but is it really necessary to work me to the bone like this? I am a dragon, you know! You think being an Intoner makes you queen bee of the world or something?
Are you even listening to me?
That way. Go.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry, sweet cheeks, I got it.
Thankfully there's no platforming or flying through rings trials or the like filler before beginning the next series of combat waves. I'd prefer to get my teeth pulled without a long stay in the waiting room, thanks.
Music: Blissade - Battleground
Gone are the days of ogre obliterating and imp incinerating. Today's menu will feature a special on a variety of meaty cerberus breeds. That's probably the most common mini-boss size enemy we fight in Drakengard 3 while dragon mounted. At least they're keeping the quality of this DLC consistent:
I bet it was some stupid man with nothing else on his mind besides eating, sleeping, and screwing. I may not be a fan of women, but I hate stupid men even more! Like, men as stupid as this cerberus here. They're the worst!
I made this child for a reason--
Reason? News flash, sister--no one cares about your reasons! It only takes one look at that vulgar creature to know everything I need to know! It's the stupid types like him that are always hypercritical of women.
"You need to lose weight!", "You need to trim the hair under your wings!", "Get back in the kitchen and make me a pie!" What a pain in the tail. I wish they'd all die! And then I wish they'd come back to life so I could watch 'em die again!
Right then. The first round is just against a normal, everyday cerberus. Nothing special about it. Don't worry, they'll start getting stupid soon enough.
Music: Exvulsion ~ Battleground
I tried to make a smaller cerberus.
They're like tiny cerberus puppies! Ha ha! I can't get enough of these pip-squeaks!
They have half the offense... Half the defense... Half of everything.
And half a chance of surviving another half minute, right? ZING! I almost feel sorry for the little buggers. Let's end this quick.
Like Three said, this round is full of cerberus that are half-size and half all of their stats. There are only one of the runts to contend with at first. But, after that pup goes to hellhound heaven...
There's plenty more where those came from.
Ugh. So we're not done, then. Drip, drop, drip, drop... They just keep dribbling out, like a piss that doesn't know when to end.
...Did you just laugh?
Yes, you did! I totally heard it!
See? You try to act like this moody, inscrutable genius all the time... but deep down you're just a little kid who laughs at fart jokes!
Two more cerberus puppies take the place of the first batch. And once those two get sent to a nice farm out on the country where they'll be able to frolic in fields to their heart's content: Another three take their place. C'mon game. You cannot have mini-waves within an actual combat wave. That's just uncouth behavior.
One... two... three... There are six in all.
And you made 'em, right? ...Are you brain damaged or something?
Who in the hell kills their OWN creations? Is this some kind of weird self-pleasure thing or something?
...Oh, great. Now I sound like that screwed-up disciple.
Nggh... Such palpable boredom at repetitive tasks.
Music: Prevolt - Battleground
Whoever came up with those stupid titles is somethin' else. I bet it was some stupid woman with nothing else on her mind besides eating, sleeping, and screwing. I may not be a big fan of stupid men, but I hate stupid women even more!
That's not what you said earlier.
No one asked you! And don't think just because you're a little cute it means you can talk back to me! It doesn't!
The final round is the only one that is a bit tricky. I mean, it's the same exact strategy as the... heck we must be creeping up on twenty cerberuses slain while getting our drag-on dragoon on. But the opponents involved are the tricky part. We have one behemoth gray cerberus accompanied by a pair of runts. The toy dogs are of little concern and can be knocked out of the battle quickly enough. It's the big boy that can be trouble.
No shit, he's bigger! About twice the size of the Round 1 loser, I'd say.
That means twice the offense and twice the defense.
Hmph. I expected that much.
The super-sized cerberus can blast off a quarter of Gabriella's health in one shot. Which isn't that hard a task for the creature to accomplish given the less than stellar flight controls accompanied by the hellhound's fireballs now being twice the normal size as well. It's a touch harder to dodge a wall of flame than it is a single rogue shot. On top of that, the monster needs about two minutes straight of being pounded on to whittle down its massive reserves of HP. Gotta squeeze all the time we can out of this chapter's limited content, right? This whole mission lasted all of nine and a half minutes and that was with dicking around waiting for dialogue to complete.
You Intoners... I take my eyes off you for one second and you just go into cruise control. I despise people like that. You think your looks give you a free ride for everything! Like the whole world can't wait to throw itself into your lap. You talk about fate and missions and whatever, but that doesn't mean you can act like some golden god, girl.
My mission... My fate... My destiny...
Uuugh, never mind! Let's just wrap this up already!
You read my mind, Gabriella. Let's finish this crummy mission and blow this joint. Go off, now! You're free to cameo in better DLC chapters.
Yep, nice job, me! I did great! ...You agree, right? That I'm great? Because now's the time to speak up!
Hey! Are you even listening? Just open your mouth and tell me how amazing I--
Oh, COME ON!
The Intoner was fascinated with the world's curiosities.
And nothing was more curious than humans.
So the Intoner asked the elderly man: "Why do people fight each other?" The man replied: "I don't know."
"Why do people move?" "Why do people think?" "Why do people live?" "Why? Why? Why? Why?"
The Intoner's questions continued on. And on. And on...
And with that, this mission comes to a close. Next time we shall be hitting up The Land of Seas for the first time since Chapter 1 to go clean up Five's dump of a coliseum. I hope you all like gigantes! We're going to go see a whole heck lot of 'em on our trip to the beach.
Video: Three's Prologue Verse 3 Highlight Reel
Three Portrait - Doesn't that hair in the middle of your face constantly get annoying? Use that hairclip properly, sheesh.