Part 76: Episode LVI: In Which We Are Asked to Like and Subscribe to Lady Two's ChannelEpisode LVI: In Which We Are Asked to Like and Subscribe to Lady Two's Channel
I highly doubt anything is going to top the rooster story from our last pair of acquisitions from Accord's Shop. But we can always spend another 63,000 gold to give it a shot before continuing our journey...
Tyrant's Playthings posted:
Cursed combat bracers left behind by a witch.
Weapon Size: Large
The land was ruled by an empress witch who used magic
powers to govern her people. She was a cruel, oppressive
ruler who took joy in slaughtering innocents at random.
But the empress was restless. Torturing victims, drinking
fine wines as they screamed... It was fun, yes, but eventually
fun grows wearisome when repeated too often.
Many would-be heroes came to the castle, united by dreams
of my death. The first few were enjoyable enough, but now
it's just a chore. They're all so simple-minded!
If no hero is strong enough to defeat me, I'll just have to
make one myself. I need a strong child. A terrifying hero.
One with enough power to topple his own mother...
My Mother the Dark Lord! premiering Tuesday at 9:00 PM EST on CBS.
Verse 3: Faith
Here we are at the home stretch of the desert slog. The map ahead is exactly as it was the first go around. They couldn't even be bothered to make a night time version of it for the slightest bit of variety to the setting. Just another twenty minute stretch of nothin' but filler to pad out the runtime of this chapter. Yet still more compelling than the Dorne subplot in Game of Thrones.
If Two and One are both in the city, that'll save me some killin' time.
Let me... Let me help you out, too.
Sure. Fly up and scout ahead, okay?
S-Sure, Zero! You got it!
Mikhail flies off...
Aw, look at you trying to keep him safe. You're just a big ol' cupcake, Z. You know that?
There's no particular theme to the enemy encounters in the desert ruins. You've got a few imps hanging out here and there...
The undead and horseback lancers are hanging out in the shade together. Now and again there might be some archers up on scaffolding or a rogue ghost haunting cursed sand dune #23. No wolves though. Since Zero will never see the desert again, I'm going to assume sand wolves were fully driven to extinction our first run through the region. Good riddance.
The miracle is still alive! Believe in Lady Two.
If only Zero would bow to Lady Two's divine wisdom.
Lady Two is indestructible... Invincible!
Lady Two is with us all. It's all right... Everything will be all right...
Lady Two is the one true creator! Even if the world ends we will survive!
Indeed! Any world that resists Lady Two must be torn to shreds!
The morning shift is just as crazy about Two as the night shift weirdos. Perhaps now that Cent has switched sides they are all just letting their inner Two fanboys run wild. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
Up ahead we come to the first of two lengthy, multi-wave mandatory combat arenas. The first batch itching for a fight is a trio of wizards and a ten man squad of undead. Nothing to write home about here.
They're likely recycling the bodies of fallen soldiers.
Perhaps this is yet another symptom of Lady Two's absence.
Look, when Two took over the Land of Sands and enacted a bunch of green policies, she wasn't half-assing the recycling act legislation. The thought of most of these Intoner sister idiots beyond One and maaaaaaybe Four actually sitting down and running any sort of government is silly to think about.
After the skeletons are shattered and the wizards whacked a second, much MUCH nastier wave of enemies takes their place. Two sand ogres, which are some of the beefiest non-boss customers in the game to begin with, alongside a pair of spirits. Unlike most mid-boss enemies, spirits can possess sand ogres and good lord do you not want to deal with a possessed sand ogre! They are the single strongest enemy in the entire game. Not even bosses can dish out as much damage at once as a single ogre of the desert being driven by a vengeful spirit.
Pictured above: A possessed ogre performing a stomp attack that only does a glancing blow to Zero but still takes off a third of her health bar. Two seconds earlier Zero had full health. Get caught in a bad position and one of these guys can body Zero in about five seconds flat.
If there was ever a time to bust out the big guns and abuse Intoner mode to mop up the area as quickly as possible, it is whenever ghosts are hanging out around sand ogres. Don't let those two mingle. Not even once!
A pair of dead desert dwelling demons, silenced spirits, and half my recovery potions later...
They're moving too fast!
Where's your faith in Lady Two?! She will protect us!
Such fanaticism resembles the withdrawal symptoms of certain medications.
What, so they're addicts? What are they addicted to?
I'm the 1,597th man in line to receive Lady Two's divination!
All hail Lady Two! All hail LADY TWOOOO!
Her song, I'd imagine.
Heey, Cent actually made sense! Give him a hand, everyone!
Hail our Lady! Hail our Lady!
With Lady Two gone, the power of her song also vanishes. Thus leading to the sad state of affairs before us.
Lady Two is the holy trinity. The mother, daughter, and wife of mankind.
Pluck the rotten flower from the face of the false Intoner!
That blossom is an affront to Lady Two!
What should I do for Lady Two...? What should I do?! Somebody please tell me!
So add fanatical delusions and idol worshiping from Intoner song magic withdrawal to the ever growing pile of song magic attributes.
Not sure I can help with Lady Two. Lady Zero, however, would appreciate if the lot of you died in short order though. She's surprisingly easy to please!
Many dead overzealous Two devotees and a buffer zone between arenas later...
The putrid demon they call Zero!
We offer ourselves to Lady Two.
The offering must be made!
No... Nooo! I don't wanna die!
You will not die, my child. You will be the foundation upon which Lady Two builds a better world!
This world is beyond help. None of us can save it now.
Oh god! It's so sick! They're gonna kill me!
Believe in Lady Two and she will resurrect you in the bounty of the afterlife!
I believe in Lady Two! I swear it! I swear it! I believe!
Soon... Very soon all of this world shall be judged!
The day of judgment is nigh! We shall arise and obtain a higher dimension!
Past a smorgasbord of imperial soldiers for Zero to chop to bits in her favored fashion we come upon the final challenge of the area: The Flame Cerberus. Also known as the final tier of cerberus upgraded forms. We briefly got a sneak peak at puppy sized versions of these critters back with Three and Gabriella. But here's the full sized real deal. So what's new about the flame cerberus variant of hellhound? Well...
It breathes fire. I feel like that is an important attribute to point out. It is a fire that burns hotter, brighter, and more painfully than the other cerberus breeds. Though I must say its fearsomeness is undermined quite a bit by tangoing with the possessed sand ogres just a few minutes earlier.
Don't look so happy. Just do what you're here to do already. ...And when you're done, get some rest.
Thanks, Zero! I'll try double hard, okay?
Mikhail is providing aerial support as usual when it comes to cerberus encounters. You'd think fireballs would be ineffective against a fire elemental hellhound. But ho ho! You forget this is Drakengard 3's bastard middle child timeline chapters! This sucker got a new paint job, a bit of a model tweak on its tail, across the board stat buffs, and there stopped the effort to make a new enemy! It is absolutely identical to all other breeds in attacks and animations otherwise.
And remember how I said that the charade of throwing crappy segments of game at the player and making fun of them being crappy was no longer flying? Well, about that... Once Zero takes out the new hotheaded pooch...
Fuck you, player! Fight another one immediately!
I fear our enemies have picked up on Lady Zero's weakness.
Your dislike of performing the same task over and over and over again.
Who asked you, you freaky gimp!
Nah. I'm with Decadus here. Screw this mission. Pack it up, boys. We're done here! Off to the Cathedral City. Maybe Zero will actually murder Two herself this third attempt. Who knows!
Dragons devolving... Disciples abandoning their Intoners...
A branch this strange merits careful study.
Eh, if you say so, Accord. You're the mysterious time lord narrator. Could you take a peak at whatever flowchart you have outside of time and space and tell me if this branch gets any better? I'm dying out here!
Before we can leave this desert behind, there is a bit of new inventory to sort and file away. First up is a weapon we found in a chest directly behind Zero as she began the mission.
Once a Woman posted:
A sword infused with the prayers of a young girl.
Weapon Size: Small
The tower loomed, its white stonework unmarked by a single
crack or crevice. Inside, a girl lived alone. Because none of
her servants spoke to her, she knew nothing of speech.
Throughout her captivity, the girl's servants refused to
acknowledge her existence. But local villagers knew of her,
and when a great famine struck the land, they took action.
The villagers killed every last servant as they climbed the
tower. Cursed wench! they shouted. This is your fault!
But the girl could not understand the words.
The girl was overjoyed to finally be exposed to emotion,
even that of rage. A smile came to her face as the sword struck
home, securing her place as an offering to the village gods.
Weren't some of you complaining about there not being enough murder in weapon history tales lately? I hope you're happy with yourselves.
Speaking of people who enjoy murder... Despite the endless bitching and moaning throughout the journey through the desert, Dito's affinity for Zero has raised high enough for him to cough up his secondary weapon gift.
Sins of the Fallen posted:
This spear was part of what became known as a cursed research project.
Weapon Size: Medium
Research Report 1. We focused on psychological and religious
research in our quest to conjure angels and express the
divinity within us. But now we have a different hypothesis.
Research Report 2. I refer to calling forth angels from
nothing, without a host. This forced summoning theory
suggests angels exist on a different existential plane.
Research Report 3. If transforming into an angel is simply
exchanging a lifeform from this world with one from another,
could we summon them without a suitable corpus on this side?
Research Report 4. To perform such a summoning, I must
summon myself from another plane while keeping my body
here. Such power would make me the greatest. [record ends]
Umm... Dito, where'd you say you got this thing again...?
Video: Branch C Verse 3 Highlight Reel
Accord Official Art - We were really missing the glasses girl from the anime girl check-list earlier, weren't we?