Part 12: Episode XII: In Which Drakengard Hates You and Everything You Stand For
Episode XII: In Which Drakengard Hates You and Everything You Stand For
Verse 5: The Temple in the Desert
As opposed to those vibrant living stones out there. I always feel bad walking on that stuff.
And we're back to "fly to the desert temple seal". This is the point in the game you'll come to realize there's only one map per chapter and the aerial missions are just there to pad out game length.
No! That'll void the warranty! The fools.
So, nothing at all interesting happens in that verse aside from Verdelet saying no less than three variations of "We have to stop them from destroying the seal!"
Verse 6: The Seal
It turns out the seal is just a mile or so away from the dungeon Verdelet was imprisoned in. So...the Empire apparently had time enough to construct a dungeon for enemies of the state but they never bothered to jog out and destroy the seal until now? What exactly was guarding the thing? Elves were supposed to be protecting the forest seal. Are Tusken Raiders on the task?
This stage is very long and very boring, so let's check out what our new pedo pal Leonard brings to the table.
Sub-characters in Drakengard are more along the lines of summons than anything else. When...err...summoned they replace Caim on that battlefield. That long yellow meter at the bottom of the screen represents how long Leonard will remain in battle. The meter drains slowly over time, but taking damage causes it to drain more quickly. There's no way to upgrade or enhance and each sub-character only comes with a default weapon.
Leonard here has the "Tower of Rebuke" which is pretty much just a long metal stick. It...thankfully...doesn't come with a story. I really don't want to hear any tales involving Leonard and phallic objects.
The real highlight of sub-characters is their magic attacks. Leonard here has "Faerie's Wings" which is basically a volley of homing laser blasts which kick the shit out of everything in the area (with a bit of dodgy tracking unfortunately). Magic attacks drain the summon meter ever so slightly and take a few seconds to charge up. But, Since Leonard's regular attack is fairly shitty so... Whelp... That's about it...
Way too much of fighting the same two guys later...
It seems my earlier assessment of the asshole enemies who shoot arrows with pinpoint accuracy as being "crossbowmen" was incorrect. Forgive me, Drakengard. They are "arbalester" assholes. My lack of medieval projectile weaponry terminology is a shame I will just have to carry with me.
So, Caim has to go kill a bunch of
So Inuart was taken across the desert, I'm assuming bound in some way, and they let him hold onto his friggin' harp for a lengthy part of the journey? I'm fairly sure if just a normal police officer arrested me for something, they wouldn't let me lug a saxophone along with me. Much less an evil empire doing the same.
Literally twenty dead crossbow assholes later... I'm not saying arbalesters because that is a stupid word.
Here we have an example of the average amount of usefulness Verdelet is going to be bringing to the party. Verdelet's pact bestowed upon him the ability to dive deep into one's past and pull up repressed memories of dated gameplay tips.
Somehow Imperial troops have sprung up from the direction of the dungeon which ought to be under the Union's control. Thanks for helping in the fight, guys. Never change.
Ten minutes of overweight soldier murder later...
Finally, we can settle up the seal business. Thank fuck.
Verse 7: Dark Creatures
You may have noticed a distinct lack of new weapons thus far. It's time to change that.
By running west north-west for about thirty seconds, watching the same desert texture scroll by again and again, Caim can stumble upon a chest with his newest bounty. Gameplay!
Here's is the seal everyone has been scrambling to get to. If they were supposed to hide and protect this thing...there may be slightly more subtle locations that would be suitable. Maybe...just putting a roof on the place would have been a start.
Verdelet goes to check out what's what. But before he can do...whatever it is he was he intended to do...
Ghost skeletons out of fucking nowhere!
Yeah, piss off Jackie Estacado. Go take Mike Patton with you and get!
Huh... That was a short verse. Caim's newest weapon is a sword smashing...sword? Well, what happens if it were to hit itself? Would it shatter? Since, a swordsmasher being smashed by a sword seems to me like false advertising. Even if the swordsmasher was smashed by a swordsmasher. Swordsmasher.
It's an off-hand secondary weapon, used to parry, and is really more like a dagger than a sword. Also, they're called swordbreakers.
The teeth were used to catch an opponent's blade and lock it down, then follow up with various techniques using your main hand sword.
highly unlikelyimpossible, by the way, to actually break a sword with these things, unless the sword was very thin and badly manufactured. In which case your opponent shouldn't be a problem either way.
Drakengard can be
I'm not sure how "Pale Death" equates to "Invisible". Amusingly enough, the sword smasher only turns people invisible. It fails to do the same to itself.
I don't think that is how vibration works... Or celebrating... Or invisibility... Or corpses... There are many things that don't work in this story...
Verse 8: Sacred Remains
The never exactly say the method of how the seals can be destroyed. As near as I can tell they're operating on RTS rules. So, basically just shooting arrows and stabbing the building with spears is enough to destroy the spear. Unless there is a guy in a tunic hammering on it or a small robot making sparks fly out from it. Then that could take a while.
I'm not sure where the ghosts fit in... I'll get back to you on that one.
Despite being hellish skeletal specters, wraiths are total push-overs. They only attack if Caim makes sounds or large movements.
Which translates to: "do not run". Or move really. They'll all eventually float lazily toward Caim who can pretty much one-shot them all. Devil May Cry this ain't.
"They're trying to pose for a heavy metal album cover. We cannot have that taint shatter the seal!"
Like I said before, the Swordsmasher just looks silly in practice.
Remember how I said the previous stage was long and boring? You know what would brighten it up a bit? Well... I'm not sure. What I do know is playing through it a second fucking time is not an option which would have sprung into my head were I one the development team.
A bout of déjà vu later...
"Hey, good job with fending off those guys, boss! Oh wait... Oh wait they're all back but bigger and stronger now! Well, good luck with that boss. I'll tell you if they respawn a fifth time! Go Union!"
Fighting the same three enemies on the same map over and over sounds like some sort of fiendish purgatory. Oh wait... Wait that's just Drakengard normally. Don't even think that I'm exaggerating about the monotonous grind. That number in the bottom right is how many people I've killed on this stage alone. Using my entire arsenal of three whole moves...
You know what the kicker is after killing 300+ guys?
You still fail! Two of the exact same map with the exact same objective with over 700 enemies killed between them and they still go "Fuck you. You would have accomplished just as much staying home."
Ahahaha. Hahahaha! Hehe... Heh...
But that's not the kicker. They give you one last objective and make Caim hop off Red and trudge up the temple stairs one last time.
Then they properly go "fuck you failure" and end the verse. You aren't even allowed to kill all the guys up there. I'm surprised they didn't just replace the seal texture with a giant picture of goatse. Maybe they're saving that for the Water Temple or something.
Verse IX: The Unquiet Voice
Do I still have to play this Verse now? I do...? Oh...
In the last hour I murdered more people than you will meet in your entire life.
Until he inevitably shows up as a villain and kidnaps her. We all know where this story is heading. Shut up.
Talking to Furiae triggers the cutscene. There were other soldiers who had things to say. However I'm still annoyed by that last mission and that one prick rubbed me the wrong w ay.
He's struggling with the Dark Hadou. You know how that sort of thing goes. Guess he won't be needing this jigger.
"It was lying on the desert sands. Some Jawas were attempting to steal away with it. It ended poorly."
The news that her captured ex-boyfriend dropped his large, cumbersome musical instrument while being lead away causes Furiae to collapse.
"What? What?! WHAT?! What do you fucking mean the desert seal is broken?! What the fucking fuck?! You hairless wrinkled fuck! A whole army of you motherfuckers and you cannot stop the fu-"
"I err... I mean..."
Caim is saddened by the loss of Inuart. Who now will sing happy songs about while Caim is bathed in gore and his victims line the floor? Who? It was the one bright spot in Caim's otherwise ultra violent day.
A plot device floats into the scene... Again...
What part of mute are you not understanding?
"The voice is weak and faint. I would not expect you to hear it."
I heard it perfectly fine I cannot...urgh! Dragon, can you help me out here?
"If we ignore it, the consequences may be grave."
Red sees it fit to just burn Verdelet for no reason. Err...in the verbal sense... The literally sadly never comes to pass.
1. a prison, esp. one for the detention of persons awaiting trial or convicted of minor offenses. (British)
Oh. A jail. Fuck you, Drakengard.
Ghosts Out of Fucking Nowhere