Part 21: Episode XXI: In Which There is a Boss Battle
Episode XXI: In Which There is a Boss Battle
Alright, folks. We're rolling right along. Time for the final three chapters. Next up: The Sky Fortress, which seems to just be chilling out over the Mediterranean Sea at the moment. Or they just ran out of map space for the flying fortress...
Well, the only enemies we have encounted have been thousands of nameless grunts, Inuart, and Watcher von Sillydeepvoice. So, I'm guessing it'll be everyone's least favorite fuckstick ex-bard.
Verse 1: Love Debased
Let's check on what the villains are up to in their fancy flying nuclear weapons platform.
Oooh. Looks like Furiae is dressed up in her sexy time outfit. Or she turned evil... Is there ever really a difference in outfits?
Inuart strolls in...
"Not until you eat your vegetables, mister."
"But... But I want Caim noooooooow!"
"Not until those peas are cleaned off your plate, young man."
"I HATE you! You're not my real mom! This is the worst cult ever!"
"That...doesn't really answer my request."
"It means do whatever you want. Just leave me the hell alone before I stick my Watcher possessed foot up your Watcher brainwashed ass. There! Is that clearer to you?"
"Hey! HEY! Love not the Watchers. "Ya lousy fruitloop."
Nice. Furiae is such a non-existent, plot device character that even her love interest has forgotten about her.
"Red is a pretty color. Like roses. I like flowers."
Inuart, having apparently left his script back in the break room, exits stage left. Well...err... Alright then...
Verse 2: A Black Dragon
So, welcome to the point of the game where they actually introduce boss battles. Sure, we've had a few mini-bosses here and there like Imperial Airships or that silly ass looking golem thing. But, this is the first real deal.
<snicker> Hey, dragon. Look who it is again.
"I see them -- the vile black dragon and that fool Inuart."
Pfft! More like InuFART
"Ah... That would explain that reoccurring heady fragrance of failure bombarding my nose. We would do well to get upwind of it. My nostrils can only take so much."
The Inuart boss battle(s) (well...the same exact one several times over) are probably the closest thing to a fun fight that Drakengard has to offer. No longer imbued with the perk of Cutscene Superiority, the Black Dragon is more or less just an evil Red. They've got pretty much the exact same move set and health.
The only thing the Black Dragon has going for it is it's way faster than Red. As a result, the entire battle is pretty much just both dragons darting every which way like spastic jerks, while hurling dozens of fireballs at one another.
"The only reason she's with you is because you slipped her a roofie while I was on fire and the fact she has about as much backbone as a-"
Hey! What did we discuss about talking shit about my sister?
"I'm just stating simple facts."
Yeah, well... In the future, state the facts that don't involve my sister. Though the creepy stuff is spot on. Tell him that.
"Inuart! Caim can no longer speak, but he says you are a creepy little worm. Granted, he can't speak it but he's thinking the same thing we are all thinking."
"Silence! My love for Furiae will ring from the heavens."
"Kid, I gotta be honest. The whole unconscious girlfriend ride thing before was really uncomfortable."
"I bet the little pervert was harder than one of your scales the entire trip."
"Oh... Oh god! Do not put that mental image into my head. Urgh..."
Aww... Now Red... That's just racist.
What the HELL is he doing...?
"Black Dragon! I think your pact partner is trying to gain admission into the mile high club."
Hey, dragon. If I ever meet that special someone can I show my affection by hyperventilating her name while sharpening my broadsword?
"No. No you most definitely may not. I have enough trouble cleaning off all the blood you drip all over me. Besides, to beat Inuart you'd have to love her with YOUR INNERMOST SOUL!"
You're right... Hey, dragon. If I ever proclaim anything that gay... just break the pact and drop me from 10,000 feet.
"I think his voice nearly cracked that time."
I think his balls will have to drop first. We might be in for a long wait.
"Wait... Hold a moment..." <sniff>
"Oh... I've made an error. It turns out we're just upwind from Inuart now. I was losing the scent of the wrong leaky vagina."
Hey now... That's not fair. Inuart used to be quite the pussy magnet.
"Really? I find that hard to imagine."
"Furiae, Furiae, bo-uriae. Banana-fana fo-uriae. Fee-fi-mo-uriae. Furiae!"
Heh. Yeah. Guy was a real pussy reaver. He'd just suck anything non-manly right into himself. How do you think he wrote all his nancy boy ballads? It certainly wasn't by killing stuff.
After dropping the Black Dragon's health to 25%, he and Inuart just book it back to the sky fortress.
"Question not the Watchers' aerodynamic craftsmanship capabilities! Did you miss the flying fortress?!"
"Will you shut up, already? You cannot fly either. What part of riding a dragon don't ya understand?"
So, apparently Caim and Red ride the same airstream the Black Dragon created and that allows them to fly high enough to reach the fortress.
Just pay no attention to the verse ending with the two still well below the thing...
Inuart is a Stud
Black Dragon Boss Battle
Sixth Chapter Aerial Mission
The Sky Fortress Concept Art
Furiae's New Look