Part 42: Episode XXXVIII: In Which We Meet the Fairy King
Episode XXXVIII: In Which We Meet the Fairy King
Verse 5: The Memories of the Faeries
So, after whatever bender Drakengard's development staff went on designing that previous mission, these next two were obviously thought up the hungover period following the weekend.
What I'm getting at is they just took the two previous stages, tossed the enemy placement at slightly different locations, and called it a day.
"You never learn! I wonder if you have any hope of surviving at all."
"Won't you die too?"
"Maybe only of laaaaaughteeeeer! Ahahahaha!"
Hey, Leonard! No use lines from the character select screen in-game! That's just lazy.
"Hehehe. What with them being dead and rotten. Well...maybe not quite yet. Hey, it's been a couple of days! You know what? Ahehehe. I bet the wolves came for them! Yep yep yep. Dug 'em all up and gnawing on their little bones as we speak. Eww. Yuck. Well, at least there's a different sort of gnawing on bones for them for a change! Aha! Hahahaha!"
"Hehehe. Well ain't that just opening up the floodgates. Oh boy, oh boy. Gonna have to think about this one for a bit. Hah!"
Six minutes of rubbish later...
Actually, we're just going to land in the exact same place we were previously.
Verse 6: Gleanings
Red turns out to be a real pal and dumps Caim in the middle of a field of about twenty Imperials. Thanks a lot! Anyway, this stage is basically a bizarro version of the previous ground mission.
The objective this time is to massacre the heavy cavalry to the western part of the map (i.e. the same way we unlocked the weapon in the previous ground mission.) Now, there's also a weapon unlock in this stage. Take a quick guess as to how it is revealed... Go ahead.
If you guessed murdering all the children in the stage then that's a bingo! There are around two dozen child conscripts scattered all over the map. Caim has to hunt down and behead each and every fifth grader in the area and the treasure box containing his new toy will present itself.
"Pitying your betters is a habit you humans would do well to unlearn."
BLEEEEEEEEED! I WANT TO SEE YOUR BLOOD!!!
"Some have less of a way to rid the habit than others..."
Several hundred mashings of the attack button later...
"But I'm not a big smelly human. So knock yourselves out! Hehe. I'm also not a LOT of things Leonard could claim to be. Hehehe."
Hey! Look at that! The random magical creature name drop is actually related to the weapon. Well, I'll be damned (Sylph is wind/air elemental.)
I do not even want to know how you can fuck an air elemental...
Verse 7: Dragon's Rest
Good to know. I suppose I can just skip this verse, then. No...? Oh... Alright.
What is this blockhead going on about now? This is getting really freakin' old. Didn't this guy used to be a shit load quieter? Or did I not start paying attention until it got annoying.
"Why this wasted pity?"
"It is just..."
"A dirty, filthy secret. The type that would make everyone who heard it make an ugly face. Hehe. Except me. I'd just laugh and laugh and hahahahaha!"
"Huh? What did you say? Hellooo! You couldn't die, could you? Just gave yourself a little nick. So sad. Pfft. I've seen people get worst cuts shaving! Shaving!! Hahaha."
"I can't survive alone anymore, you know. A pact. We made a pact. Don't forget. Yep yep yeppers! Hahaha. You and me together forever and ever and ever. I won't worry about you dying anytime soon. Hehehe. Unless it's to maaaaaaaybe an infected paper cut given your track record. Dreadful business that. Whahaha."
"Damn it all, who is having fun mocking the hairless apes without me!?"
"Oh crap! It's the Man! Cheese it!"
"You. You are...?"
Fairy flies off as a new, larger fairy takes her place.
"Oh dear. How rude of me. Still, as a leader, one must say what one must say. Like you! Blond fool! I know what you do out in the woods. Everyone knows what you do out in the woods. Startling depravity. Startling indeed."
Wait... Hold up... He's the "King of the Faeries?"
"Gay jokes now, is it? I see human humor is just as trite as ever. Why not crack a joke about how I passed gas? Or muse on what is deal with airplane peanuts? Uncultured swine."
Hehe. Crack... Nuts...
Bones! I love this guy.
"Would you behave?!"
"Oh dear, oh dear. Threats, you say? Such suspicion! Noble dragons think such complicated things. Boring things... Why don't you go leave my forest and go file your taxes or whatever your rabble fancies wasting its time toiling away with."
"Or do you play with such lesser beings for fun? Having a good laugh, are you? Watching them scramble about in the mud impotent before the machinations of fate. Hehe... I suppose I could see the humor in their observing their fool game of silly affairs."
"Dearie, oh dearie. How rude! I struck the mark? Oh yes... Indeed. I can see it in your eyes. Knocking the wind out of my sails, am I? Raining on your parade? Tired meaningless saying with similar connotations in nature? Heh."
Yeah, it's the worst backtracking in the desert. Any way I can get a pact beast to nab my sense of smell if we're heading that way?
"The desert? What about the desert?"
"It's like bowling. Only you replace the pins with pinheaded pitiful morons rambling about their fake gods. Then you replace the ball with a cannon. Takes forever to set up and play, really. Rather impractical. But, back to what I was saying."
"Humans don't belong in the desert. Were it up to me, the only place humans would belong would be in the earth; six feet under to be precise. Hehe."
"Caim! To the desert!"
"It's not like it changed anything the last three times. Not holding my breath this time either. Ehehe. Hahahaha. HAHAHA!"
The King of the Faeries!
Fairy Concept Art