Part 12The disembodied voice freaks me the fuck out, and I run down the corridor madly. Not looking where I'm going, though, I slip down a slick ramp and land in total darkness. I'm in six-inch deep water, and the cavern smells metallic and mouldy. I stand, listening to the occasional drip from the ceiling, and walk forward cautiously, the liquid swishing thickly around my feet. Up ahead, I can hear something shuffling through the flooded hallways. I reach behind me and find the torch strapped to my backplate, lighting it, ready to fight whatever lurks ahead. Finding the wall, I follow it to a hanging lantern and light it with my weak-burning torch.
Suddenly, the entire dungeon is lit up, the lanterns connected by a series of flammable fuses.
As my eyes adjust to the brightness, I realize with a start that I'm not standing in water.
I'm standing shin-deep in blood.
It runs down the walls and drips through holes in the ceiling. Mangled corpses lie, neck-deep in the rotting reservoir of human exsanguination. From deep below the surface, monsters spawn out of round, bloodied bubbles resembling the clitorises from earlier. Truly, I am in Hell.
In minutes, they're on me like locusts, their shiny carapaces transforming the humanoid creatures within into insectoids, intent upon devouring me whole.
Robotic traps burst forth fire, a vicious blue flame that sears my flesh even from a distance.
The cavern is so hot with the inhuman fires of Hell that my mouth dries and my hands blister. There's so much blood. Just... just so much blood everywhere.
Spawn-points that create Will O' the Wisp after Will O' the Wisp taunt me in abundance, forcing me to run despite the heat and my own exhaustion. Several times, I lose my footing in the slippery blood-soaked catacombs, and fall, my mouth filling with the vile substance. I vomit and wipe my face with my sleeve, but the stench remains, a metallic, iron-smell filling me and reminding me of the death surrounding me. Again, however, the lamps flicker out, and I am alone in the dark.
A low growl from behind, and I spin to face it. I can't see a thing in the pitch black of the tomb, except for six glowing eyes -- red, and huge, scanning me as if to decide how to kill me in the most vicious ways possible.
Flames erupt from the beast, and fire surrounds the room, filling it with an eerie dancing light.
I look upon the face of death in horror, and my crotchplate fills with poop.
Three headed demon monster from Hell.
He breathes an incredible amount of fire and walks back and forth, and yet still he scares the ever-loving crap out of me. Luckily, I'm a bad motherfucker.
Bending down to pick up the sequin, I notice just how much blood is all over me. I look like something out of Carrie, and what really worries me is that it's starting to turn me on.
At the end of a long hallway filled with majestic torches, however, there's a pedestal. Glinting brightly from the pedestal is the mystical ORA stone. The music swells to an epic note, and I reach out with both hands and lift the rock above my head in triumph.
And... nothing happens.
Well, that was anticlimactic. Maybe there'll be a party in town?
: DON'T YOU EVEN WANT TO KNOW IF I'M OKAY, YOU ASSHOLE? I'M COVERED IN BL-- you know what forget it. Ungrateful no good goddamn piece of shit Judas asshole fucking...
: ... in your mother's mouth with a goat--
: Hail, Hero! You've saved our kingdom!
: Hey, hey, hey, don't get so grabby! Just because you're King doesn't mean you own my body. <>
He takes the stone and victory music plays. I've saved the kingdom, and by extension, the world. I'm truly the hero of heros.
Um... oops. VV
Thanks for the recap.
Welp, that was surprising. Looks like I'm a real retard. I guess I should do something about this, huh?
But first, just a little drinkypoo to get me started. I think I deserve it.
: BARKEEP! SOME GROG, AND MAKE IT SNAPPY!
: u want dri--
: ... Hi.
: ... Hi.
Next Time: EPIC BATTLES