The Let's Play Archive

Dwarf Fortress - Headshoots

by Various

Part 14


Narrator: : Meanwhile, in the reign of Vox Nihili:

Landslantern : Hello peaceful forest creatures. My name is...


Elves : Uh....what's that noise?

Landslantern : Sounds like someone imprisoned in a tomb. Pay it no mind.

Elves : What savagery! What kind of people are you? Lets get the hell out of here!

Landslantern : WAIT! I just want to love you! WHY ARE YOU ON FIRE!!!!!!!!??????

LCQC : Because you exist at 3000 degrees?

Narrator: : Shhh. You're dead.

? : Ow! Who the hell carelessly leaves a statue lying around a darkened tomb anyway. Lorsith Christ, I almost broke a foot.

Landslantern : Who the hell are you anyway? You scared off my magical forest friends.

? : Oh, my name's Rupert. Rupert Lowenstein. Pleased to make your acquaintance.

Landslantern : ...

Landslantern : What the hell kind of name is that?

Rupert Lowenstein : You know what, don't judge me, murderer. Just get me out of here, k?

Narrator: : While Landslantern was planning ways to bust Rupert out of the klink, Headshoots was receiving visitors.

Queen Sankis : Oh no, whatever am I to do? I am a young, nubile virginal dwarfess all alone in the big bad haunted zombified volcanic wasteland, just waiting for someone to take advantage of me.

Verviticus: : She must be so scared. I'd be pissing my pants.

Vox Nihili : Grow a pair, pussylips. Hey Sweettits, you can come live in my cave. I'll keep you safe from all the monsters except one.

Queen Sankis : Which one is that?

Vox Nihili : The one-eyed-pocket snake.

Verviticus: : *faints*

Queen Sankis : Oh my! I hope it doesn't bite me in my sleep.

Vox Nihili : ... I can't tell if you're serious or not.

Narrator: : And verily, Headshoots gained a queen and her entourage. For about 2 seconds.

Queen Sankis : These rooms are disgusting. How ever can I be ...served... by strong, muscular sweaty dwarves eager to ...attend... every inch of my eager body, in this shithole? I travelled WEEKS FOR THIS?? RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vox Nihili : Why is the queen running around naked screaming? I haven't even shown her trouser beard yet.

Moto42 : She grows tired of the painful existence that is life, trapped eternally in a pit of misery and despair. She starves herself to bring herself closer to the gods, that she may learn why they have forsaken us.

Vox Nihili : Wow dude, that's fucked up.

Moto42 : I envy her madness.

Vox Nihili : Oh well, maybe I can hit it if she falls into a coma.

Narrator: : Alas, it was not to be. The royal queen slipped from this mortal world. Meanwhile, outside the fortress, more denizens of the wastelands were about to meet their demise.

Landslantern : Maybe the special friends in this caravan can help Rupert! HI SPECIAL FRIENDS I AM COMING TO LOVE YOU!

Caravan: OH SHI-!

Landslantern : OW! I didn't know fire and bones could bleed! HUURRRGHH*--

Vox Nihili : I hear a battle.... CHARGE MY MINIONS!

Rupert Lowenstein : What's going on out there? Can someone bring me a soda?


Graspcyclone : TASTES LIKE......well, actually like pubes. Beards are nasty.

Vox Nihili : Noooooooooooo! I will avenge you.... new guy, or whatever your name is.

Graspcyclone : Time for a pulled dwarf sandwich. OM NOM NOM NOM NOM HURGGHHH*---

FebrezeNinja : Yo dog, you eatin my boy. Fuckin stab you homes.

Graspcyclone : HURGGHHH*---

Rupert Lowenstein : Awe....I wanted a soda.

Narrator: : And thus, the reign of Vox Nihili was drawn to a violent, bloody close as he was torn limb from limb by a giant fucking bat. Yet even in the midst of chaos, there remains a beacon of hope: Trailmachines, the Fellowship of Right. The holy artifact of Headshoots. In glorious adamantine, the legacy of Landslantern lives on, as a reminder of the dark times the dwarves of Headshoots have faced....and the darker ones to come.

Born this interlude: 0
Died this interlude: Queen Sankis (suicide). OrangeSoda (face eaten off by Graspcyclone, the skeletal giant bat during the reign of Vox Nihili), Vox Nihili (ripped into 20 pieces by Graspcyclone).
Went mad this interlude: 1 (Queen Sankis, lack of dick + shitty rooms)
Became legendary this interlude: 4: Mrgreenshirt (miner), Verviticus (miner), Professorbling (armorer), Drakenel (leatherworker)
Artifacts this interlude: 1: Trailmachines, the Fellowship of Right, Adamantine Plate Mail, created by Professorbling.

--e-- I think I'm going to start mixing up the interludes, with some of them being recaps if the person playing that round didn't feel like doing that detailed of a recap, and in cases where they're pretty well covered, just focusing on one particular back story.