The Let's Play Archive

Dwarf Fortress - Headshoots

by Various

Part 85

(This actually caused me to reinstall DF after a hiatus since last December. Bat Legs, thanks for the save. I doubt I would have had the patience to skill up a character to the levels necessary)

In an alternate timeline:

Mortals are mortals. Gods are gods.

This is a simple truism. It might seem blindingly obvious, yet it is one that a few mortals refuse to accept. They contrive to convince others that they are the gods - and some, the worst of blasphemers, believe they can become gods in truth.

Such delusions cannot be allowed.

It was a band of dwarves from their settlement known as Headshoots who became the latest perpetrators of this persistent heresy. After hearing the tales of what that fort became, perhaps it should come as no surprise that their minds fractured as they did, but that does nothing to change the unforgivable nature of their acts. They proclaimed one of their own, a mighty warrior by the name of HolisticDetective, to be a living goddess. She has ascended to stand amid their pantheon, they insisted, even while she yet walks the world in the flesh.

Such a sin cannot go unpunished.

I was chosen to bring doom upon the former denizens of Headshoots. This is a daunting task; I am skilled, but I am alone, and the dwarves are many, and fierce. HolisticDetective, though deity she certainly is not, is still a warrior without peer, one that even I have no chance of defeating.

So I must fight with my mind as my foremost weapon. I must strike where they are weak, picking them off one by one. I must throw fear into their hearts, so that they are fractured and unable to fight back effectively.

"But what could they possibly fear?" you may ask - and that is a fine question. Headshoots was a haunted place, full of terrors; even the demons from the depths of the world were loosed upon its people, so the stories tell, and they endured. What could frighten such hardened folk?

What indeed.

The dwarves have never been swimmers. The rivers they find in the depths of their mountain halls are unlike those of the surface world, and spell the doom of any who enter them. Nor do they seek out the rivers above the ground, for the fish that inhabit the waters of the surface find that dwarves are small enough to pull down and consume. Dwarves who swim are rarer than those who stay voluntarily sober.

I find the band and creep into their midst. They don't see me coming until it's too late:

The weak dwarves I kill with conventional methods, by blade and hurled weapons. They try to flee. They do not succeed. Their cult must be purged, and none shall survive to carry on its message.

I have killed many, yet have not caught sight of the infamous HolisticDetective. She is the center of the cult; she, above all others, I must slay. I see a fleeing survivor and give chase, but the dwarf turns on me - this is no mere laborer, but one of their warrior caste!

The situation could not be better - I spot him from across a murky pond. Without hesitation, I dive into its depths...

The warrior, cautious but still none too clever, steps onto the precarious spit of ground that juts into the pond. There is fear on his face as he peers about, searching for me, thinking that I have to emerge within moments, as one of his kind would. But I am not one of his kind. I glide to the water's edge and emerge like a serpent, wrapping my arm around the little being's neck -

Within moments, he struggles no more. I roll the body into the pond, watching it sink out of sight in the green-tinged depths.

Further hunting leads me to several more of the weaker dwarves, all of whom fall without posing any real threat. It is as I am working my way up a low hill that I hear a commotion in the brush behind me; acting quickly, I slip into cover, and not a moment too soon:

The false goddess herself arrives, no doubt eager for revenge. She, at least, has no fear; she has killed foes beyond number. She is beyond fear; she is that which others fear. Even I feel a moment's worry as I contemplate my next move, for one false step here will mean my death.

There is a pond nearby. I creep to its edge, close to HolisticDetective, and open my pack. I have a number of items that I can throw from concealment:

An adamantine spear is an amazing example of the weaponsmith's art, so sharp that it could almost be called the essence of a weapon. I took it from a dwarf named Mofeta, who learned to his dismay that there are foes no weapon can harm, as the water closed over him.

Needless to say, it isn't the first thing I throw.

I pelt HolisticDetective with the severed heads of her comrades. She dodges effortlessly as they fly past, spinning, searching for my hiding place. Good. Her anger will make her foolish. I step out of hiding and, at last, hurl the spear.

I miss, horribly. So be it. I did not expect to settle this fight on the land.

I throw everything else I have. HolisticDetective just rushes at me like a fiend from the darkest Hell.


Standing at the edge of the pool, with my heels out over the water itself, I taunt the pretender. Enraged, she collides with me, dealing me a painful blow in the process.

Foolish dwarf, that was a mistake. You're in MY world now!

Even drowning, HolisticDetective puts up a mighty resistance, thrashing about wildly in the silty waters of the pond.

But in the end...

Her armor, a legend in its own right, bears no scars in its perfect metal surface, but the stains of blood tell their tales of the battles it has seen...and the water will wash them away in time.

I drag Trailmachines to another pond, far from where HolisticDetective fell. It is better that such an artifact be lost for all time; I have not the power to destroy it, nor could I trust anyone else to, for such things have a power to cloud minds. Adamantine does not rust; it shall sit beneath the water for eternity.

My work is complete. I shall return to my own people. Mortals are not gods, and I have given proof.

Kill list:

HolisticDetective edited in from her own Legends entry, since a drowning doesn't count as a kill

I died three times before I managed to kill anyone, but after I made the first successful kill I didn't die again. I did travel-scum, doing hit-and-run raids, killing a couple of dwarves at a time. I didn't savescum killing HolisticDetective, that portion was all legit and I couldn't have asked for a more cinematic outcome (although granted, the pictures don't tell the whole story; I jumped in the pool on my own and then tried to strangle her from the water like I did with OrangeSoda. She counter-attacked, bashed me with her pack a few times, and then counter-charged, which was beautiful. I then crawled out of the pool and left her there to drown after I got the good screenshots, otherwise she would have beaten me to death with that fucking backpack).