The Let's Play Archive

Dwarf Fortress - Syrupleaf

by Various

Part 237: Pozzo: Update 8c


Those lanky fuck-pigs had been waiting outside for a week when I was finally healed enough to get out of bed and resume labour.

Since I had been bedridden for some months I had not been able to observe the apparently remarkable transformation of our mayor, but finally being in amongst my Dwarven brethren again I was able to observe him up close, and I had to say, I was uneasy. Lets get straight about it: he gave me the right fucking heebie jeebies, he did. There was something about how he carried himself, about how everything about him had now changed which had me right nutted. However, despite how much the nature and facts of his transformation unsettled me, I had to admit that with his new-found coherence (if not sanity) and elaborate deathtraps he was doing an admirable job of preparing our old shit-hole to defend itself.

The first thing I saw as I walked the halls following my recovery was the young girl, MortuusLupus, the old countess's daughter running past me down the hall like the fucking clappers, gibbering in tongues.
"Stela gurnut felal tat SCIENCE" she said.
I wondered what it was exactly that she was doing, watching her as she skidded around the corner and tumbled into a craftsdwarves workshop.

The second thing I saw was the biggest, angriest, and fuckest uppest looking mammoth I ever saw being pulled down the halls by a stately old gentle-dwarf in counts robes that I had never seen before. He was whispering to the mammoth quietly and stroking its trunk as he lead it towards the bonehoard. Gave me the fucking heebies, that did, too.

The third thing I saw was a giant fucking donkey. It looked about twice the size of the donkeys we had before I broke my arm tripping over those god-damn bones. (The bones were still everywhere too. Fucking bones.) This was a monster of a fucking donkey. It looked like someone had sharpened its teeth. Glowing red eyes and shit. Scarier than the fucking mammoth. Almost as big. Phrederick was pulling it in the same direction as the old fella with the mammoth. "Bobzzo's idea" he said as I walked past in awe. The beast just snorted. "Who the hell is Bobzzo?!" I asked as Phrederick walked past. He didn't hear me and just kept pulling the fucked up looking donkey after him.

I went after that to go and find BobtheThurd and find out what tasks I should be completing. He answered me in a strange voice. "I say, you look like a likely lad!" He cried when I asked him. "Where have you been?"
"Broke my arm and been bed-ridden. You took me there you god-damn bell end!"
"OH! that true old sausage? Right you are, chap, I remember now! What shall we get you doing?...harrumph. Wait! I've got it! You know whats like recovering from a broken arm?"
"Recovering from a broken leg?"
"No lad! A BALLISTA. Go and find Vander, he'll show you what to do."
I turned around and walked out of Bobs presence as fast as I could. Goddamn brain-damaged weirdo. Mortuus Lupus rushed past me with some steel bars as I left the room. Strange kid. This whole place is fucked.

As we entered the second week after the humans arrival, Bobzzo buckled and unlocked the battery doors. He reinstated basic work orders on the death traps - which Rotinaj showed me - while maintaining a full presence in the ballista battery in case the humans decided to strike. To finally strike. Those god-damn fucks.

The lanky bastards finally charged on the 10th of Malachite, having waited just beyond the reach of our ballistae for almost a month. Due to work orders being reinstated several dwarves were in dangerous range when they did charge. At the time, MysticalHaberdasher was connecting one of the floodgates on  MACHINE X  and Teim was frantically trying to hook up the ammunition release on  MACHINE Y .

Fortunately, In the battery with me was JosephWongKS (still looking all too smug about his recent promotion), rabbitmonger (looking as morose and grumpy as ever), TheWhiteCrane (looking out distantly at the range ahead of us), Vander, looking as nervous as a slugman in a saltbath and constantly wiping down his glasses), and the new potash maker, Pozzo, (looking oddly reminiscent...of...someone. Fuck. Who?)

I was leaning up asleep against my ballista when TheWhiteCrane began yelling. They were finally charging. I drowsily began to prepare to fire as their leader, a bowman with a massive longbow, crested the rise on his horse, leading the charge. Pozzo fired off his arrow at the leader as he charged roaring towards us with his bow raised.

Miraculously it fired straight...

You should have seen that bowmans face when his horse exploded out from under him.

Not so smug now, huh, you lanky shit?

At that, JoespehWongKS, TheWhiteCrane, and Rabbitmonger fired off their arrows as more humans crested the rise. War horse chunks were still flying around from Pozzo's arrow.

Joes arrow flew out wide, and while Rabbit and Cranes arrows went askew too, there were finally enough humans on the rise that it didn't really matter. Two massive bolts ploughed into the crowd of humies who now seemed much, much smaller and less threatening.

Cranes arrow flew straight through the centre of the crowd, slamming through two warhorses and catching Sestah the Elite bowman full in the face. Rabbits arrow grazed along the side of another warhorse, knocking it into the air and sending it flying alongside the arrows and knocking the hapless wrestler to the ground.

Fuck me it was badass.

I watched the rest of the humies approaching. I sensed that this might be my last chance to fire, and despite the fact that none of them were really in front of me or Vander I cried "Fire you bastard, we might hit them with a misfire!"

And shit me sideways, I was actually right. Vanders arrow veered in the right direction, while ultimately missing everybody, but mine caught a wrestler in the belly and sent him flying.

Shit I'm cool.

Anyway, after our barrage and without their leader the humies seemed to be at a loss and started milling around his corpse for a while. They were standing right in front of our ballistae. Oh Otesh how I wanted to shoot the crap out of them, but no such luck - I think we only had about 2 arrows left in the whole fort anyway. Somewhere in the fort. Everyone decided to fuck off out of the battery, since there was no ammo left.

OOC: Fuck me sideways it was good to finally send a few ballista bolts through some faces. Goddamn loiterers.