Part 40: Jazzimus Prime: Intermission
Wait...how could a merchant be crushed by the
drawbridgedwarven atom smasher? I could have sworn it ends up entirely on air when it goes down...unless I'm forgotten another way for it to smash?
I forgot to answer this question. It ends up entirely on air when it goes down, except for one square. You know the golden wall that you had built on the level below? The merchant was standing on that wall where it connected to the hill.
EDIT: He was standing here:
As a bonus, we even got an engraving of it somewhere in the fort. I took a screenshot but ended up not including the engraving in the story.
Chance II wrote :-
a valiant Macedwarf tooled up and ready to crack heads. relic low boots are this season's fashion must.
Chance II wrote :-
Click here for the full 739x1062 image.
also, my rendition of the Spawn.
Chance II wrote :-
I look forward to the day SyrupLeaf gets a chance to welcome back one of its own. Have fun storming the castle Flat Banana!
Daeren wrote :-
I'm on a roll here. This is fun!
St. Imketh Singedbanner's Art Of Kicking The Shit Out Of Other Armies
Common Human Translation with original Dwarven beside it
When In Doubt, Fuck The World. (Not included in Human compilations)
All Warfare is based on Deception. (Lie Hard so they Die Harder.)
A leader leads by example, not by force. (Showing off is more effective than 100 drills.)
Pretend Inferiority, Encourage Arrogance. (Wait until the Elves are inside the depot before throwing the lever.)
If your opponent is choleric, aggravate them (Make shit out of trees and squirrel leather , then sell it to Elves.)
There is no instance of a nation benefitting from prolonged warfare. (Human armor sells the best.)
A clever fighter is not just one who wins, but who wins with ease (The Gods are watching. Put on a show.)
The victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory. (If the Diplomat shows up in full adamantine dress, surrender.)
In war, avoid what is strong and strike at what is weak. (Stay the fuck away from the crossbows, and beat the shit out of the draftees.)
We cannot enter into alliances until we are acquainted with the designs of our neighbors. (If the locals complain, turn their villages into obsidian farms.)
Throw your soldiers into positions whence there is no escape, and they will prefer death to flight. If they will face death, there is nothing they may not achieve. (No difference in translation)
To capture the enemy's entire army is better than to destroy it; to take intact a regiment, a company, or a squad is better than to destroy them. (Torture chambers are a great way to train new recruits.)
The Deadly Hume wrote :-
Dear Mama and Dada.
I hope this note reaches you, but I am somewhat doubtful that it will, as caravans arrive but often don't get to leave. The caravaneers' timing and preparation always leaves a little to be desired - not enough accompanying soldiers, particularly when those stupid elves come. Don't those treehuggers know it's dangerous out there?
Syrupleaf is certainly an interesting place. Kind of cold, though. I've spent most of my time here upholding the family tradition and so rarely have time to write. For now I have a few spare moments to quaff an ale and reflect, as we have been ordered to down tools since we found... well, perhaps it is better I not say at this point.
Suffice to say that Syrupleaf may be needing a new throne room soon, as is the tradition of the Mountain Homes. Take a guess who is probably going to have to bloody dig it out. At least it would make a change from digging out tombs instead.
In any case, I suppose it is a good thing that my labours have kept me far from the surface. No doubt you would've started to hear other rumours and reports of the bravery of the soldiers here, as they fended off the scourge of the Spawn that has attempted to raid our fortress year after year. They are very much as horrific looking as you may have imagined, with an axe wounds on their face, almost unspeakable. I have not seen one myself but I have seen the engravings.
This latest onslaught was nothing less than a tragedy, and yet with their lives they bought the safety of the settlement for another season at least - all of the hideous invaders were slain, including their leader. Royal W was the only survivor amongst the soldiers, so new recruits have already gone into training. It is perhaps fortunate for me that my mining skills are considered too important for me to be conscripted. I only hope we are sufficiently prepared for the next threat, from wherever that emerges.
I suppose Imketh would be amused by it all, at least.
To give the fallen a fitting resting place, I had to hastily dig out a new set of tombs. As I dug, The White Crane hastily and yet skilfully smoothed the walls of the crypt, after which HeliTurtle documented the awful battle in stone. A fitting tribute by great craftsdwarves for great warriors. Would that we lived in more civilised climes so that their art would be turned to less ominous subjects. Something with cats would be neat.
Phrederick has taken over from Jazzimus who has retired from overseer for a much needed rest, with what he has had to endure. What is to happen next I am not sure but I know I will be kept busy.
But for now, I write this note to you to let you know that I am still swinging my pick the way you taught me, Dada, and that I still try to honour Imketh as you would wish me, Mama, though sometimes it is hard.
The Deadly Hume
3 Granite 143
Teddybear wrote :-
Recovered from the Journal of Teddybear (formerly where yo man)
Nobody has noticed me. A simple woodcrafter. I make your tables, I make your chairs, so you can rest after killing spawn or crafting treasures...
One of these days, they will notice me. The name Teddybear will go down in Syrupleaf's history alongside such greats as...
...oh god, why don't I know anybody's name? ...Nobody even talks to me. Simple woodsdwarf.
Next chair I make is gonna have a wobbly leg. That'll show 'em.