Part 57: Silento Boborachi: Update 7
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/____\P/____\ Parasol Industries
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\ / \ / Annual Report
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For this year's annual report, we would like to
start off by showcasing the new discoveries made
by our very own holdings in Syrupleaf!
The very latest in parasol technology, new
fire-resistant parasols enabled our boys and girls
in grey to easily take down a fearsome dragon, with
no loses or injuries! Way to go, team!
Unfortunately, one Parasol employee, only equipped
with a basic parasol, was killed by dreaded sand
raiders while helping record the dragon's demise.
It is loses like these that further underscore the
importance of parasol development into further
defensive applications. Until the day that every
proud dwarven citizen can step outside and unfurl
the colors of their parasol, knowing that nothing
will harm them while under its bright arms, the work
at Parasol is never done. Our hearts go out to the
employee's friends and family.
Future development is ongoing, to not only address
the threat sand raiders represent, but also threats
unforeseen. With new research data, the idea of
"fighting fire with fire" has made the leap to the
first century with the development of spirit based
parasols! What better to deflect rain, than to have
the very heart and soul of a rain cloud woven into
the material? What better way to keep those nasty
kobolds away than to have the essence, as we call
it here at Parasol, on hand to bat away the filthy
creatures? So now, not only can you smack any enemy
away with your trusty parasol, you can smack them
with the undead soul of their grandmother! Make them
relive every time they disappointed their elders,
with Parasol!
You may ask, how could such a wonderful device be
created? Why, with three simple steps! These steps
enable us to outfit our brethren with the latest in
protection while at the same time enabling you, the
stockholders, with the pride of knowing you helped
save lives, for only a nominal profit. The steps are
as follows:
+ ? = $
Success for you and your family, by helping other
hard-working families. A win-win situation no matter
how you look at it, unless you're a dirty troglodyte!
Great job, Syrupleaf! Keep up the good work!
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Next up, a report from our research base located deep
within the Fires of Snuggling! Seems those mechano-dwarves
of Parasol have "cooked" up an impressive device to help
explore the magma! What a hot idea!
Daeren wrote:-
I have discovered two things that I believe we have to implement once we get obsidian farms going. Spoilered because these developments may end up being used for plot purposes in future ruler write-ups.
First off, when you roast somebody alive in magma and then immediately cast them in obsidian, their molten equipment, magma-proof items, and charred bones [if you're quick] are embedded inside. This may lead to the most efficient way possible to loot caravans and deal with annoying liasons/nobles, as the important stuff is made easily accessible. I actually had a scene in mind I wanted to make once it's my turn if we make some obsidian farms. Molten obsidian can also stack up inside walls, leading to ultra-dense obsidian farms if you don't always pick it up.
Second off, I have also discovered quite possibly the most amazing way of handling burial. Step one: fill obsidian farm with coffins for your champions/dwarves-of-note, or make tiny 1x1 tombs/miniature obsidian farms for them. Step two: once coffins are occupied, let loose the magma until the tomb and body/bones melt into the magma and suffuse it with their essence. Step three: cast the magma into obsidian. Step four: make obsidian swords infused with the souls of your mightiest warriors and forged in their hearts-blood 
Bobbin Threadbare wrote :-
The kobold inadvertently led me through a long series of corridors, a confusing series of paths that seemed to double back, turn in loops, and otherwise confound my sense of direction. When, at last, he collected the last of the seven sigils of Boron and fed fifty MacMuffins to the Hands of Silence, and we entered the main dining room, I discovered him entering a secret trap door hidden merely by a secret catch! I regret to say my curiosity got the better of me, and rather than seeking the help of a hammerdwarf, I entered after him immediately. And what I saw down there shall haunt me now for the rest of my life.
Having lost my unknowing companion, I traveled down the secret paths at random, the dark halls feeling unnaturally small and constricting. I eventually came across a peculiar magma forge, whose construction I found to be disturbingly unique. The very room seemed built at non-Euclidean angles, and the forge had an unsettlingly organic roundness that seemed to mark a non-dwarven origin. The cyclopian hall was hauntingly silent, the only sound coming from the murmuring heat of the magma itself. I was not to be alone for long, however; as I stood in wonder, a set of footsteps from behind alerted me to the presence of others. I had to hide myself, and quickly.
Daeren wrote :-
CLASSIFIED DOCUMENT 17524dX10
FOR AUTHORIZED EYES ONLY
UNAUTHORIZED PERUSAL WILL RESULT IN IMMEDIATE TERMINATION BY EXPERIMENTATION
Selections from record of research facility "The Notch of Buckets" [52-xa-841v-[avb]YNL] located at co-ordinates EXPUNGED
14 Malachite EXPUNGED
Work has begun on magma channeling to create forges and power system. Remote location has so far prevented incursions by anything more dangerous than the occasional kobold or bugbear. Mixed blessing: low on test subjets.
6 Galena EXPUNGED
Goblin civilization EXPUNGED has located the fort's entrance EXPUNGED of EXPUNGED . Now have steady flow of test subjects for Project Mechanus, though progress is still slow. Projected rates show civilization EXPUNGED 's members depleting at a 15% rate monthly and increasing as they send more and more conscripts. At projected rate we will need to antagonize new civilization by the end of Timber in order to maintain steady flow of able-bodied subjects.
9 Galena EXPUNGED
EXPUNGED encountered strange figure on road. Small girl, ragged dress, who appeared to be lost. Deemed too risky to appropriate for experimentation, possible breach of security noted.
10 Galena EXPUNGED
EXPUNGED had bizarrely vivid nightmares last night: transcript of interview located in document 63215dY6. Small child now with demonic features featured prominently at the head of a horde of skeletal flaming beasts. Have begun surveillance of EXPUNGED .
15 Galena EXPUNGED
The supply of copper and bronze from goblins is insufficient to meet our needs for weaponry and tools, and we have yet to find a single trace of metal ore in this site. Workers have said Avuz Gemtin has cursed this mountain. Have cracked down on superstitious elements. Beginning construction of obsidian farm by diverting river/magma to meet weaponry needs.
24 Galena EXPUNGED
EXPUNGED has finally broken down due to nightmares and has retreated to a magma forge, frightening any passersby away and mumbling gibberish to himself. Has made demands for steel which are impossible to meet at this time. Such a disturbance of the work order will not be tolerated, and we are beginning work to seal him in in case he snaps.
7 Limestone EXPUNGED
Worker EXPUNGED 's birthday recognized today. In keeping with tradition he was allowed to make one improvement to the security system to contribute to the facility. He replaced the lock for the obsidian farm harvest chamber's door with an emblem system utilizing a lapel with cheese engraved on it. Why we still honor this tradition Armok only knows.
20 Limestone EXPUNGED
EXPUNGED has gone mad. Thankfully he did not get claimed by the bloodlust of Armok but instead mopes around the fortress unwilling to eat or drink, still mumbling garbled phrases to himself.
Project Mechanus is progressing smoothly.
21 Limestone EXPUNGED
Project Mechanus has been indefinitely delayed. A much more interesting development has arisen.
EXPUNGED somehow got into the obsidian farms and activated the lava switches, and hurled himself into the pool of magma before he could be apprehended. We were unable to stop him due to being unable to locate the cheese emblem in time. Worker EXPUNGED has been executed for gross incompetence. Unwilling to let the magma go to waste or overflow into the rest of the facility, we cast it into obsidian regardless once EXPUNGED 's body and gear had been disintegrated.
The developments began once we began to excavate the obsidian. While most of the obsidian was of normal quality, chipping at the slightest touch, the obsidian where EXPUNGED 's corpse had fallen was surprisingly tough, even stronger than steel according to stress tests. We mined around this block and began to chip away at it, while the slivers became as sharp as broken glass with minimal effort. The obsidian kept its edge for incredible amounts of time, never going dull unlike all other obsidian edges.
Most disturbingly was, according to report, when one of our miners cut himself on the block of obsidian, the rock sucked the blood up greedily as if it was soil absorbing water. Unintelligable whispers then began to emanate from the rock. Miner 14 said it sounded like EXPUNGED . Psychological testing showed the dwarves to be perfectly healthy in mind and fully drunk.
28 Limestone EXPUNGED
This obsidian has shown incredible promise in the field of weaponry. Even tying a chunk to a plank of wood has made a spear more deadly than the most masterfully crafted steel spears we have, and sparring accidents have increased sevenfold when recruits are given obsidian cast with dead bodies within. I can confirm myself the hallucinatory effects from the stone, sounding like whispers.
The small girl was sighted on the hill again.
---RESEARCH DATA EXPUNGED---
14 Slate
SilentBoborachi of facility EXPUNGED has been charged with setting up a new research facility for the Essence Experiment in Syrupleaf, a remote hellhole in the icy wasteland where he is unlikely to be disturbed. I am one of the last of this facility who remain sane, as half of the facility was sacrificed in the name of the Experiment and the other half have gone mad from nightmares. I myself am unaffected.
The Essence Experiment will change the face of Dwarvenkind.
There's something scrawled at the bottom...
HAIL OSTËSH