Part 84: Saber (III)
Saber is more approving of Ilya, but she must not have let her guard down as she frowns every time Ilya comes near me.
The past few days were too wild.
A normal day like this is unsettling for me.
Frolicking around with a girl king arthur, a lesbian rapist, and a murderous, albino loli is a normal day ?
Something does not sound quite right about this.
It's not that I feel uneasy about my skills.
This is just a jinx.
I've been doing this for years now, so it just doesn't feel right unless I finish my day here.
You know, I have the same problem.
Music: Midnight Interval
But today's training is more heated up than usual.
Tohsaka told me not to use it, but I can't obediently agree with her.
If I can make this "projection" thing mine, it'll be a powerful weapon and I'll be able to help Saber better.
That sounds like it's going to get messy, but I suppose it's the only way if you really want to recharge magical energy from a distance.
Besides, I still have that heat in my body.
The night at the ruin.
The battle in the forest filled with morning mist.
The golden sword I made.
The remaining heat is still in my hands, and my heart wishes it to start burning again when I try again.
Is it just me or does none of this sound right at all?
From the beginning, there was only one to guide Emiya Shirou.
The pronunciation is the same.
Just change the self's recognition and it will become an original spell.
"Basic structure, analyze."
I understand how dangerous it is without needing for Tohsaka to tell me.
As a magus, Emiya Shirou must not associate himself with "projection".
It's something that's beyond me.
A venture beyond one's capabilities will eventually be paid for by death.
Music: The End of Reminiscence
" Good. You are here. I thought something might have happened as I could not find you."
" ? No, nothing's wrong. I couldn't sleep, so I was exercising my head. I'll go back to the room once I'm done, so you don't need to worry."
"I am aware of what you are doing. I came to participate."
Saying so, she looks at me.
It's impossible to hide as my face is all sweaty as always.
Such youthful vigor!
"Yeah, this is the same as always too, so don't worry about it.
Magic training is natural for a magus, right?
Well, I'm inexperienced, so I make a lot of mistakes."
I wipe the sweat off my forehead.
The sweat I wiped off is ice cold.
I thought it was cold, but was it this cold in the shed?
"Well, as much as I can. It's a daily routine Father told me to do, so I have to do at least this much."
Kiritsugu must have gotten very tired of cleaning Shirou's futon.
Replying, I regret that I'm bluffing.
That this is my daily routine.
I wanted to boast to Saber by saying that.
The training at the end of the day is certainly no trouble for me.
But it was never easy for me either.
Saber doesn't say anything.
Behind her is the moon.
Slanting rays of light enter the shed, covered in blue darkness.
This is like a reproduction of the night I met her.
"Saber. Tohsaka said something."
As soon as I think this is like watching a dream
"Is it true that Servants don't dream?"
Without realizing, I ask her that question.
Music: Ever-present Feeling
"No, we do not have dreams. As we are spiritual, we do not sleep.
I have to sleep because I cannot go into spiritual form, but even I cannot dream."
"But this morning, you said you did."
A small silence.
She closes her eyes once and looks at me with a gentle face as if she's determined.
"What I saw was your dream, Shirou.
Master and Servant are mentally connected as well. If our connection becomes stronger, things like seeing the other's past might start to occur."
"Dreamyou mean, my past ?"
" Yes. I knew it was a deed that steps into your mind, but I could not refuse it.
Please forgive me, Shirou."
"Idiot. That's not your fault. You can't help it if you dream about it.
And besides, I'm the one who should be apologizing.
I only did boring uninteresting stuff when I was small, right? You can't sleep peacefully if you have dreams like that."
I think it's time for a poll. Please post what you think Shirou's "privacy as a man" is. Funniest post, as decided by me, wins guest commentary (or some other prize of their choosing).
Saber comments honestly.
But private? Well, I've done ordinary stupid things, but
" That's good. You say it wasn't recent, so when was it from?"
" It was a large fire. That was the only scene I saw."
A quiet voice.
Her gentle eyes tell me what she saw.
So she dreamt about that.
"I see. That's, um "
Should I say unfortunate?
It's like going to a movie theater to go see a movie you know, but going into the wrong theater and seeing something completely different.
"Ththis isn't The Little Mermaid "
" ? What do you mean by dangerous? Well, I'm sure all aspects of me look dangerous in your view."
"That is not what I mean.
Shirouyou are like me. That is why I can tell you what you have done wrong. As I am the same, I can tell what will happen to you if you continue on like this."
" But I haven't done anything wrong.
My mistakes are countless of course, but I'm going to become a superhero like my father. I can't do anything wrong."
"I am saying that is the wrongdoing.
Shirou, that accident was not your fault. It is not something you can be held responsible for.
There is nothing for you to make up for."
It was only an accident and I was only a victim.
Well, certainly there have been times when I felt guilty about being the only survivor, but
"Rin said so before that your self-devotion is abnormal. I feel the same way.
You do not try to save others at the cost of your life.
You simply do not consider your own life at all."
" You will not be able to forget about that accident. But you cannot change as long as you remember it. Is that not painful for you?"
Well, of course it's painful.
Saber doesn't need to tell me that.
It's only natural.
So many people died and it was such a hell.
I think it's only natural for it to be painful.
And besides, if it weren't.
It might all be meaningless.
"Yeah. It certainly is painful to remember it.
But it's already over. It's not something I can do anything about now."
Saber doesn't answer.
She scratches her arm, irritated.
But it is the same for you as well."
"Um Saber ?"
"You need the Holy Grail.
It was inevitable that I would be called to you, Master."
How can I answer that?
" I will go ahead and sleep. Please do not push yourself, Shirou."
Why do I get a mental image of Shirou sitting there, holding a deflated sock?
I cross my arms and ponder.
Do I need the Holy Grail?
The grail that grants the wishes of its possessor.
A vessel which contains unlimited amounts of magical energy, for which it is said nothing is impossible.
If I had such a thing, my wish would certainly be easily granted, but
"No, that's wrong. No matter how I look at it, I don't need the Holy Grail."
Yeah, I definitely don't need it.
Because I don't have any wishes that won't come true or that are impossible.
Because if it's a dream I can't reach by myself, I won't even dream it in the first place.