Part 15: Page 15: The Sheep-Pig

Page 15: The Sheep-Pig

So what do we see when we enter the next room?


Irma's Troupe

Oh for the love of...

Yes, milady.

You're the only one I can really count on. Greeble and Peekaboo are nothing but worthless nincompoops!

If I may offer my two gil, milady, it's that those two lame ducks are trying the very best they can--

The last thing I need is their "best"! What I want are results!

Villanous boss checkmark number two.

I believe we see things...differently. Very well, then. After all, I am still in your debt.



Well damn. We're rather blocked. Also, how do we get there?


Beneath the Horizon

Hm. Which to take?



Oh hey, what's that up in the top right? Eh, never mind. Probably nothing.



...that put me....
oh god



It's a warp maze

Anyway, we got this way by taking the other warp portal.



This way is progress; the rest all teleport us back to the first round of teleporters.



Now, for actual progress, we go back the way we came. But we're going through the top portal first.



That's because it leads to our best friend ever, Carbuncle.

I'm Carbuncle, the spirit of glee! There's something mysterious about happiness. Unless you paint a vivid picture of it in your head, it will never take form! I'll help you out a little bit by giving you one of my favorite cards!



Boco, do you feel happy now? Anybody who appreciates the little things will eventually find for themselves something joyous and wonderful! See you later, friend!



Let's get outta here. Taking this warps us back to the start.



So like I said, progress is made by going this way.



The way to progress through the rest of this maze is to just go straight.



Going through the portal you just came through results in going back to the start.

So don't do that.



There's no real reason to go through here yet.




This is where Volg blocked us off, so we can't go this way.



To get to this point, the path is roughly Bottom-Bottom Left-Back through where you came-Follow the path. I ran enough times that it's engraved in my brain.



Seeing that exclamation point, you know what that means.



It's minigame time.



Urgh, Muppets reference.

Let's hop to it, then!



March de Chocobo
Leaptoad

So, this game. Difficulty rating is pretty simple - the game is easy, and it's all about skill. There's no bullshit physics, aside from a frog with the strongest legs ever. Really, after Jelly Jiggler nothing will ever make me enraged again in this game, so there's that.



The game over animation is hilarious, though.

That wasn't too bad! I'll give you my least-favorite card!



That was toad-ally rad! I'll give you my favorite card!



Success. A simple game with a cool concept. I'm giving it a B+ if only because of that stupid Sahagin.



And speaking of sahagin...



How exactly does an underwater creature get a western accent? I mean, this is in a game with a talking mouse with a lisp but this is just ridiculous.

Come on, now! Don't be shy! I gots somethin' that'll do the trick jist right! There's a dandy place I knows about that'll tickle yer funny bone good!

Ugh. I don't mind the accent in places where it shouldn't be, but come on, under the water? That's just terrible.

I'm all packed and ready to go! Howsabout you, now? All geared up? Well, get yer boots on and make sure yer hat's on straight, boy... Cuz you ain't never comin' back!



...chocobos goin' by the name of Boco happened to pass by, I'd lasso 'em up real good!

Surprising no-one, the character with a weird speech pattern is in fact evil.



Might as well, we need to do this to progress.


Battle Theme
Card Game - Boco vs Sahagin

So, Sahagin. This is the point where the game starts actively playing well, though it's still just a set pattern. It's still relatively simple to win, especially if you pay attention to the cards. The video is from my first go-through; I think it came through well enough to justify not doing it again.



Three cheers for Boco, the king of card games.


Beneath the Horizon

Ohhh, shiggy! I have amnesia! Thinking makes my scales ache... What am I gonna do!? Wait a minute... I do remember this lady and a big, robotic fellow... They took all my gil--no, all my memories. That's it!

Since when did Irma start hanging out with the Iron Giant?

What's that? You think I'm trying to get by telling a little white lie!? You gotta trust me!

That line was transcribed word-for-word. Any mistakes in grammar or the English language is entirely Square's fault.



....why are all the villains morons?

Just ignore that wee Freudian slip, okay? Here, take this for all the trouble I've caused! It's free of charge!





Feel free to check it out.

Fuck, I was hoping to avoid playing another book this update.



Oh, it's this one. This game is actually kinda fun. It's also really easy.


Win Place Show Chocobo!


Prelude
The Three Little Piggies: Puzzled Little Piggies Prologue

Once upon a time, there was a family of piggies blessed with three fine brothers. The eldest brother boasted on a daily basis about how fast he could run. The middle brother was proud of his strength, and made sure everybody knew just how strong he was, too. The youngest brother, however, was not very quick on his feet, nor was he very strong -- in fact, he was quite slim for a piggy.
One day, their father came to them and said, "Boys, these plains aren't as safe as they used to be. Wild, dangerous monsters called Tonberries wander about causing trouble. I will find a beautiful bride for whoever builds the most excellent home to take care of her in."
And with those words, the fierce fires of competition were ignited between the three piggies...

As should be obvious, this story is based on The Three Little Pigs, a Grimm fairy tale about pigs who build houses and then get eaten by a wolf. Mmmm, bacon.





So many rules and secrets. Let's get started, shall we?


March de Chocobo
Puzzled Little Piggies Trial Mode

D'aw, the Tonberry looks so cute. Anyway, this game is pretty simple. Pick up blocks, place blocks in the house frame.


Victory

67 points is about par for what I'll get in Trial Mode. It's really not at all hard - the hardest part is about midgame, where you can't place any blocks.



We unlock battle mode by getting five points, and the card by getting 50.



The epilogue is unlocked by reaching 40 points.


Prelude
The Three Little Piggies: Puzzled Little Piggies Epilogue - Swampy Abode

"Build it here, in the swamplands!" Father Piggy called out. Then they went to work.
The eldest brother and the middle brother decided to team up against the youngest one. The dashed into town and bought up all the bricks they could find. The youngest brother, however, didn't need any bricks; he happily built his house from straw.



Their father inspected the houses and then declared, "The most excellent house is the one made of straw!"
The two older brothers were dumbstruck. "Impossible!"
"But isn't the brick house supposed to be the winner?"
Their father responded, "The swamplands are hot and humid. You house made of bricks will soon be full of mold. And take a look at this!"
The heavy house made of bricks had already started to slowly sink into the mud.

Screw you, older brothers! Even though the original story is based on the brick house being the best.



The effect is lowering a pillar with a coreshell on it. We couldn't reach this earlier, but now we have access to the next coreshell.



Anyway, on to Versus 2.


March de Chocobo
Puzzled Little Piggies Versus 2

Sure, it's a cold-blooded revenge-seeking killer, but it's kinda adorable in this art style.


Victory

That poor jailbird got zero points



And our reward is Joe.



Remember Joe? He was that tough guy from the beginning that really liked picture books.

What'd you save me for, you punk!? Do you think I owe you somethin' now? Well forgeddaboudit! I don't owe you diddly! Heck, I don't even like you! Well, I guess I could say thanks... Thanks. There, I said it!

That's great. I hate you too.

You can come by if you want. I might be nice enough to help you out a bit. Don't get me wrong-- I'm not bored or nothin'!

Right. Uh huh. I don't think we'll be seeing you.


March de Chocobo
Puzzled Little Piggies Versus 3

Versus 3 is mainly the same as Versus 2.



Like, the exact same. Also, that's what the house looks like it's finished.


Victory

I feel like there's some large gap between my score and the other scores. I might be imagining it, though.



We've unlocked this and Versus 4 for destroying Greeble and Peekaboo.


Prelude
The Three Little Piggies: Puzzled Little Piggies Epilogue - Seismic Sway

"Build it here in the village!" Father Piggy called out. Then they went to work. At the same time, smoke was slowly pouring out of the volcano near the village.
The eldest brother and the middle brother decided to team up against the youngest one. They dashed into town and bought up all the bricks they could find. The youngest brother, however, didn't need any bricks; he happily built his house from wood.



Their father inspected the houses and then declared, "The most excellent house is the one made of wood!"
The two older brothers were flabbergasted. "No way!"
"This isn't fair!"
Their father responded: "This village has always had many earthquakes. Your house made of bricks will crumble. Just watch!"
At that very moment, there was a mighty earthquake. The house of brick crumbled into pieces. The house of wood made by the youngest brother, however, stood tall and proud.

If it's a volcano, the wooden house will burn up anyway. Just saying. Also? Digging the dad pig's hat.


Beneath the Horizon

And the real world result of that epilogue is breaking down the barrier Volg put up.



Going through results in... Volg?



Hey, that's a little close. Can you maybe zoom out the camera?

I have been waiting a long time for a chance to match talons against you. En garde!

Wait wait woah hold the fuck up. I only fight in picture books and card matches.


Irma's Troupe

On an unrelated note, I've somewhat associated Irma's Troupe with wacky inept villains.

(What? Peekaboo got the shrine's door open? I knew you puffins could do it! What's that? He shoved too hard and got himself stuck!? You crazy gulls!)

While puffins and gulls are indeed birds, they are NOT chocobos.

Mr. Volg!!!! Get me outta here before my spleen explodes!



Hey, guess where we are? Right by that first door. We went all the way around for no real reason - Bebuzzu can't drain the crystal while it's inactive.

The fates may have intervened this time, but you won't be so lucky again!

Volg leaves with Peekaboo.

Dear god this is a comedy of errors. I feel like I'm making absolutely no progress.



I think you all know what this means.

Next time: Another transformation...