Part 8: Update Eight: Castle Crashers: Final Fantasy IV DLC

Update Eight: Castle Crashers: Final Fantasy IV DLC

Welcome back! Last time, on Final Fantasy IV, we ran into a karate master, from Fabul, who was in trouble on Mt. Hobs. After saving his life, he joined our party and we're now off to Fabul to warn the king of Baron's assholery, so let's mosey.





Off-camera, I paid $100 to stay at the inn.



Rosa's name was not changed, as per the request of the thread.



Yang has been renamed "Leave", as per request of the thread. For those of you reading this who don't know, it's because I broke a shitload of bones, bruised a few internal organs and should be dead; basically, he's a tough motherfucker and so am I.



It seems pretty vain that I'm totally cool with this and I was down with the idea as soon as someone mentioned it, but hey, c'mon. I should be dead! Let me have this!



Don't worry, we annihilated them right back.



The monk on the other side had the exact same thing to say, so let's move on.



Straight ahead and up those stairs is the way to the throne room, where the king is.



And since I doubt Baron will show up within the next ten minutes, let's take a quick tour of the castle, shall we?



Out here, we have the West and East Towers.



We'll be taking the West Tower first.



One of these pots also holds a bit of treasure. But which one?



It was this one; Zeus' Rage is the lightning equivalent of a Bomb Fragment or Antarctic Wind.





I wonder if I'll ever remember that I have these attack items.



That's not a joke because they suck or anything; I just tend to forget that they're there. They are half-decent attack items and great for anyone who's not Kim if we need to exploit an elemental weakness.



Let's continue on.



So, quick question, folks: who forgot there was a Namingway here and ran all the way back to Kaipo to change Yang's name?



It's good to hear that. Because I think I slammed my head into the wall so hard when I found this Namingway, I knocked something loose. I just coughed up something pink about the size of kiwi fruit. Let's move on.



Up on the next floor, we find a lady at a stove.



Uh, no. It's been a rough day, lady.



Hey, quick, imagine that text box without the first four words.





She seems awful calm about that. Remember, Leave is the "high monk" of Fabul, which means he's pretty much the baddest motherfucker in the castle. Shouldn't she have a question or two about why he needed help?



Let him wait! He's a bureaucrat, I'm sure he's familiar with the concept of "Hurry up and wait".



That's a concept you also get familiar with in the hospital.



Inside the East Tower, we find what seems to be the quarters of the monks.



No, we all died horrifically and we're here to haunt you.



I guess education isn't compulsory to the monks of Fabul...



Eh, it's cool. You're one of few monks left, so you better rest up for ball-crushing training.



On the next floor, we find a bar. Or something.



I like this kid. He also runs around here, which makes it kind of hard to talk to him, as he's fairly quick.





Kim, Rosa, avert your eyes. This is a man's time.





Kim, Rosa, none of you motherfuckers say a word.



Oh, look, a bedroom! Quickly, forget about the incident downstairs!



Who the hell keeps a tent in their room? A sleeping bag, I could understand, as I have one of those in my closet.



...Does he have regal camping trips or something? Does he take it and sleep in the throne room? What the hell, King?



Cecil, that is the same size as your bed.



Uh...Cecil, I don't know if that's a good idea. I mean, the maid is right there. I don't think you should do this.



Never mind. Looks like I also wasted $100, too. Oh, well, I'll make it back soon enough. It's a Final Fantasy game; I can kill a blade of grass and make it back.



After sleeping in his bed, let's go see the king. I hope he didn't notice us in there.



Nothin' to say about the dead monks? Just gonna skip over that?



Y'know, I hope the King of Fabul doesn't raise any eyebrows at the Dark Knight from Baron suddenly bursting into his throne room.



After taking just a few steps into the throne room, we come to a cut scene.





: our Crystal.



King doesn't get a fancy picture, so I had to improvise.



: And these others?

: Sir, we haven't much time. The castle's defenses must be tightened immediately.

: Leave, can we trust this dark knight and his companions?

: Yes. They risked their lives to help me.

: We must hurry!



Kim is the only one who doesn't speak up here. Maybe she's just starstruck by meeting an a real king.



Well, not counting Champ. He's still a prince, though, I guess, even though his parents are dead and he's the next in line to the throne, but details...





You might want to tell him about the airstrike. Seriously, man, that is a very important detail.



...Champ, you stupid son of a bitch.



: Prince Champ, dark knight, will you help us defend Fabul?




: gate.

Yeah, that last text box was actually a yes/no question. So, just imagine Leave is talking to King the way you talk to your grandmother who's a touch forgetful.



Y'know, King, Kim over there could probably kill the entire party just by saying a few words. She's much better at uncuring people as opposed to curing them.



Rosa, though, that's her area of expertise.



Alright, guys, now we get to defend Fabul Castle from Baron's onslaught!



Our party consists of Leave, Cecil and Champ.



Wouldn't it be a good idea to send a healer with the people who are going to protect the front door? Maybe I'm wrong here, but y'know, keeping those guys alive seems like a solid move.



Before Cecil can leave, Rosa speaks to him.



Cecil knows how valuable Kim is when it comes to defense. Rosa's in good hands, Cecil.



Kim just nods at Cecil.



At the front gate, we prepare our defenses. There's no minigame or anything here.



Instead, we get to roll through a gauntlet of battles.



It's actually a really cool sequence and I like it quite a lot.









Our first fight is against a Captain and two Baron Warriors. They're tougher than the men who attacked Cecil at Kaipo, but the strategy is the same; kill one of the Warriors, kill the Captain, then finish off the last man standing.



These dudes are also fucking fast. Like, the Captain told them to Charge before I could even have Champ's action selected.



And they dish out some damage, too. 45 ain't nothin' to sneeze at.



Working together, Cecil and Champ kill one of the Warriors and I start my attack on the Captain.



Leave is using Power to start the assault.



He has Fire and Ice Claws equipped, by the by.



As much as I enjoy this number, I am shocked that's as much damage as Leave did. I'm disappointed, too.



Then again, he's up to 3 attacks and his precision isn't top-notch either, so maybe he only actually hit the Captain once for double damage.



Cecil, in an attempt to show Leave up, steps up and criticals the Captain and kills him.



Leave, you're confusing me with how you're hurting things. But, whatever, he died.



And so, ends the first battle.



Please be the hockey team, please be the hockey team, please be the hockey team...



Aww, nuts. It's never the hockey team.



Champ, this is why you should have said something to the king!



Oh, God, Cecil! You just got exploded!



And so did that monk!



How the hell do you hold back an airstrike, Cecil!?



Good idea, Leave!



And so, the men and Champ run in terror from the airstrike.



The guy up top scampers off, too, after everyone else does. It's kind of funny.



Back inside, Champ is in the prime position to flee further, if the need arises.



Hey, man, at least you knew this was coming. Unlike Prince Fairyfarts up there.



But, Cecil knew what he was getting into. He had to have.



Alright, round two!



Oh, the Leshy is new! Aside from 132 HP, that's all there is to them. I have never seen one attack, use magic, or do anything aside from get sworded to death.



The Domovoi falls in one harp strumming.



And then I decide to pop that Ice Claw off of Leave.



During battle in Final Fantasy IV, you can switch the equipment in a character's hands by going into the item menu and pushing "Up" at the top of the list.



Select the item you want to replace it and viola! Your character now has something different equipped in that spot.



For Leave, I just gave him two Fire Claws.



I think it was an effective move.



The second fight had barely ended when three more monsters rushed into the room.



Two of them split off and charge the monks in front of the Inn and Weapon shop.



Jesus Christ, they're already dead!



They charge our group of heroes...



...And Champ immediately flees.



Before long, the rest of the party retreats deeper into the castle.



This is another one of those castles that doesn't seem set up for defense.



: children. It is our duty to lure the enemy away...



Hopefully, this is luring them to the right spot.



Leave, I like your style.



Something interesting happens during this fight. See how Champ has 97 HP?



Before long, he gets smacked down to 37 HP.



When Champ's HP is dropped into critical levels, when his turn comes up, he will automatically use "Hide" and flee to where you can't target him with items or magic. Basically, he can't be attacked, but you can't also heal him, but either way, he won't be killed.



However, if the rest of your party falls, Champ will reappear and probably be killed immediately.



This was another "Power" charge and hit from Leave. The Captain doesn't resist any element, so it wasn't the Ice Claw or Fire Claw that negatively affected that last Power hit; I think Leave just had a shitty hit, is all.



On Champ's turns when he's hidden, he has very limited options. As you can see here, he can use "Appear" and come back to the front lines, but only to Hide again as soon as his turn comes up.



Or he can just Defend and stay hidden.



Since Cecil and Leave can handle this without any problems, I just keep Champ hidden. It's not like he'll miss any of the XP from the fight.





After the fight, we barely get a moment to breathe before the next wave of enemies come in.



Champ starts to flee again, despite knowing that Cecil and Leave can handle this.



Am I the only one who imagined this in Shaggy's voice?



: Ruh-roh, Recil, ronsters!



Before long, everyone is forced into the Throne Room.



And now, we're down to just one monk.



Don't worry, Monk, you'll make it through!





Uh, Champ, what're you yellin' about?



Wait, Champ, you saw this guy moving toward the door and didn't actually try to stop him? You have a weapon that works at a range!



C'mon, dude, you could have confused him or something!



Looking to get his shit wrecked is what!





The monk transforms into one of the blue-robed monsters that have been attacking the castle.



He attacks the group, being quite brave for a lone monster.



A lone Gargoyle? Seriously, that's all you have?



I think we know the order of the day here.





I actually let Champ reappear, since this guy is pretty close to being not-alive.



The Gargoyle immediately tries to kill Champ and comes fairly close to doing so.



But, hey, Cecil finishes him off next turn and Champ is now out of danger.



What's next? We can't retreat much further.



Surprise, it's another fight!



This is part of why I really like this section; there's no boss here or anything, just a shitload of fights.



The enemies aren't very tough, but there are a lot of them. They can wear you down if you're not properly leveled or if you just get unlucky.



They've done it to Champ and I'm right around where I should be, if not a level or two higher. Granted, Champ is my weakest guy, but he's not absolutely terrible.



I think I like this section so much because it's like an actual siege against the castle; it's kind of different for Final Fantasy. I think in these games, the heroes are the ones charging in areas and kicking in.

Here, despite how hard we're fighting and the chumps we're making the enemies look like, we are not winning this battle. There is a lot of things going on that we do not know about; Kim and Rosa are working with the medics, but we don't know where they are or how they're doing. We don't know how the other fights in the castle are doing, whether they're winning or losing their battles.



I guess what I'm saying is that I like this section because it's fairly different. We're not a group of protagonists who are making an absolute difference here. Cecil and Leave are probably some of the strongest warriors on the planet but, despite that, they aren't really turning the tide of this battle.



Not to mention, Cecil probably had an idea that this was how the fight was going to turn out. He's from Baron and was the Commander of the Red Wings, so he knows Baron's military might. Leave probably knew of it, as well, being the High Monk of Fabul, just as Champ probably did, too, being royalty himself.



But, that's enough of that. And now, I'm sure someone in the thread is going to tear those points apart and make me look like a complete fool, so I'll quit while I'm ahead.



On the way to the Crystal Room, Champ trips and falls.





Despite him having spent the last few fights hiding like a coward, he's still part of the party.



Cecil and Leave just can't leave him to be slaughtered by the monsters.



Hell, I give Champ quite a hard time, but even I wouldn't leave him behind.



Despite his cowardice, he is still fighting in this war. He's going up against one of the world's superpowers and is completely willing to fight. As much shit as I give him, I'm still willing to give him props for that.



Also, Leave gained a level!



Quickly, let's continue the tactical retreat to the Crystal Room!



Y'know, you'd think something like the Crystal would be better hidden and better guarded...



But, I guess since nothing like this has ever happened before, it probably didn't occur to anyone.



But I'll be damned if they don't have nice rooms to keep these things in.



As our heroes take their places in front of the Crystal of Wind...



...A man approaches them.





A man who had been believed killed in the earthquake that destroyed Mist.



Cecil goes to greet his old friend; it's good to see Bowser again.



Bowser, that's kind of an odd greeting...



Even so, I'll take it, since we now have a four-man party and one of the biggest badasses on the planet back with us!



Wait, what?



Oh, God, Cecil! He's turned!



Remember, Cecil, you have better stats than Bowser. You have the advantage here.





Who would have imagined the man named Bowser would ever do anything bad?





And now, we have to fight against Bowser.



It's just Cecil all by himself, but I think we'll be okay. Like I said, Cecil has better stats than Bowser.



But damn, Bowser, you're being a cold motherfucker.



Son of a bitch, that's not good. Not only is he going to drop down on Cecil and dish out some bad damage, Cecil can't hit him.



It must be just terrifying to hear the sound of Bowser whistling down from the sky behind you.



Okay, that wasn't too terrible. If we can just get a few hits in ourselves and use some potions, we should be able to make it out of here.





I do not like that laugh. Bowser, you are scaring me.



Well, Bowser always did have better Agility than Cecil...



We have a Hi-Potion in our inventory, so that should restore all of Cecil's HP.









...Fuck!