Part 18: Update Eighteen: Meteo RainUpdate Eighteen: Meteo Rain
Welcome back! Last time, on Final Fantasy IV, we entered the Tower of Zot and tooled around it for a bit. Today, we're finally going to rescue Rosa, which also includes a confrontation with Golbez and Bowser, so let's mosey.
Despite being in the Tower of Zot, there is absolutely no information about the guy.
We don't know where he got this tower, why it's floating in the fucking sky, who he was; hell, as far as we know, "Zot" was just the last major cola brand and the tower was a failed marketing ploy that Golbez snagged up on the cheap.
As our team approaches the door to the other side, everything stops for a second.
The dark purple we've come to know and associate evil with fogs into the room; that door, in particular, looks like it's 'bout to meet Cecil's size twelve Paladin boots all up in its ass.
Before us, a cloud bursts onto the scene.
A lady bursts from the cloud, greeting us.
To our left, another gaseous cloud appears.
Rose McGowan will have nothing to do with what's about to happen to you.
And so now, we know the Elemental Lord we're facing in the Tower of Zot: Boobarella of the Wind!
They introduce themselves in ascending order, from little to tall. Mindy here is the smallest and will be the first to have her skull fashioned into a cereal bowl.
Cindy here is the fat one of the group; it's not uncommon to find her making ropes out of Twizzlers to hang herself with, as her other sisters are thin and pretty.
And Sandy is the tallest, thinnest sister. I don't have a joke here.
Oh, no, honey. Your journey is over; ours is just beginning.
Try it, girl, and I'll shove my foot so far up your ass, you'll be coughing out Lugz.
A man only says goodbye to his love when he's on his deathbed and they're recounting the best of times and the worst of times. That's the only goodbye truly worth a damn.
HEAVEN OR HELL
So, the Magus Sisters. They're nothing incredibly special, but can be a huge pain in the ass.
Your first instinct might be to immediately kill Mindy, because she looks the smallest and weakest, right?
Well, it's not a terrible thought to have. I can actually recommend softening her up a bit before going after Cindy.
Cindy is pretty much the cornerstone of their strategy here. Also, Cid should pretty much just blast the Gaia Hammer all over, as it'll hit all three of them and deal a bit of damage.
To a single target, that's not too great, but having a pure physical guy being able to do that to all three targets of this battle? It's pretty awesome.
This is where the gimmick of the fight comes into play.
This is their Delta Attack and it sounds rather fierce and terrifying.
Cindy gets a Reflect cast on her and Mindy casts a mid-level spell on her.
It'll hit a random party member, too, so you can't really prepare a defense to it, beyond keeping everyone healthy.
Fira starts this off.
Remember, Cecil is weak to Fire. This could be terrible.
...No, wait, that's not terrible. Gustav, show these bitches some real magic!
Bio: 20 MP, near instant casting time, power relative to the mid-level elemental spells, plus, it's non-elemental so there's no resistances to it and it has a chance to inflict Sap, which will drain HP over time.
Bio is fucking boss, is what I was trying to say.
Anyways, I was just trying to weaken Mindy there, but I went a little too far with it. She only has 2,590 HP, so Gustav blasted off a ton of it.
This isn't necessarily a bad thing, though. You'll see why weakening her instead of killing her is a good idea in a second.
But now, we can start wailing on Cindy. Kill her as quick as you can; she's the best one to take out first. So, let Operation Ahab commence!
It's important enough that I have Cid just wail on her. She has the most HP around here, with 4,599 HP.
Criticals are lovely things, too.
So far, the plan is going off without a hitch.
Without Mindy, their plan is...Well, it's absolutely terrible now.
Plus, they can't seem to tell when Reflect has worn off and Reflect is reflectable.
So now, Gustav can have spells reflected off of him. You might remember this from the Baigan fight; you can reflect spells off of someone with Reflect and it'll go through an enemy's Reflect. I didn't really use that in the Baigan fight because I wanted the main body to go down and you can't aim the Reflected spell.
Also, I think this physical came from Sandy; I don't really know what she does in this fight besides be another target.
Operation Ahab is still going off without a hitch.
HITCH DETECTED OH FUCK HITCH DETECTED
And that's the story of how Cid got a Firaga launched straight up his old, puckered butthole.
And this is why you kill Cindy first; she can revive either of her sisters when they've been killed. It's why I also recommend weakening them, as when you take out Cindy, then it's just the matter of depleting what little HP Mindy and Sandy could have left.
And now, Leave has a Reflect on him. I'm not a huge fan of Reflecting spells off my own people, as I'm too terrified that their Reflect will wear off and I'll just blow them away.
It's uh...It's something exactly like that, as a matter of fact.
The Magus Sisters are revealed to be stupid and Cid is revived; all is right with the world.
Leave finishes off Cindy and now it's just the matter of killing the other two. They're pretty much helpless now. Sandy has the second highest HP around here, with 2,591.
Oh, yeah, I never heal Cid for the rest of the fight. The only thing that happens is that he gets hit with Fire for around 30 HP of damage. These gals are pathetic.
And with that hammer blow, the fight is over.
I'm just showing this because that's a lot of Goddamned gil.
Oh, but it is!
And with that, all three sisters fade.
Just beyond that door is Rosa, so we're going to rest up real quick-like.
Can't save the love of Cecil's life with bags under our eyes, after all!
Here we are. This floor is extremely short.
That's all there is to it. And look, there's Bowser!
Alright, folks, strap in; cutscene time.
I told you, Gustav is basically Farnsworth.
Hopefully not sliced in half in the next room.
Cecil, you fucking imbecile.
I mean, I understand that Cecil loves her and he wants to make sure she's okay. He's willing to risk the entire world for her, but for the love of fuck, can he not be such a fucking tool about it?
No, no he cannot.
Ah, yes, Cecil, I'm sure he's just going to hand her over now. "Thanks for the Crystal! Have good sex!"
Okay, readers, poll time: who didn't see this one coming?
Fun fact; I didn't read that as "cur" at first. For a second, I thought this new translation was using language I barely use.
Oh, Golbez, you done fucked up there.
Gustav bitch-slaps Cecil across the fucking room.
Gustav is attacking Golbez solo. Like when he fought Champ, you can't control anything he does here.
He begins by throwing all sorts of powerful spells at Golbez.
But it won't be very effective against him. Golbez is just too powerful.
Just how powerful is he, though? Gustav was talked up as being one of the most powerful people on the planet with his magic, but here, Golbez just seems to shrug it off, as it it was a mosquito.
However, Gustav still has his trump card.
The one spell he learned just to destroy Golbez.
A spell so powerful, it was sealed away. It was only unsealed at the same time that a man finally made the journey and completed his transformation into a Paladin; Meteor is not to be taken lightly.
There's also the hang-up that it'll kill Gustav.
However, Gustav doesn't care. Golbez killed his only daughter and he must pay.
Meteor was just what was needed to defeat Golbez. Not even he can believe it.
And with that, Golbez begins to fade.
Or does he? Gustav is lying there, but Golbez is still standing. Bowser seems more affected that he does...
Maybe it didn't kill him, but Meteor certainly caught him off-guard.
Everyone gathers around Gustav, but Golbez doesn't seem to care.
Bowser isn't listening to him, either.
He's lost his servant, but it matters not; Golbez now has all of the Crystals.
Why not do it right now, you idiot?
Golbez begins to walk away, instead of killing Cecil like he should be.
Cecil goes after him.
And that's what it takes for Golbez to attack Cecil.
And now he's down for the count, having been blasted across a room for the second time in just as many minutes.
But what is this?
Why is Golbez hesitating?
There's something deeper here, but we don't know what it is.
And then Golbez finally takes his leave. Instead of killing Cecil, like someone competent would do.
He seems to be doing pretty well, but what about--
Yeah, there we go. Gustav did kinda use that spell that's supposed to kill you.
I wouldn't say that exactly, Gustav. You helped save Cecil's life, you broke his control over Bowser and if we can rescue Rosa in time, you saved her life, too.
Not to mention that whole part where you got back up after using the "I'm going to die after casting this!" spell.
We all knew this was coming.
With those final words, Gustav falls to the ground.
Everyone here knew that Gustav was going to die if he used that spell, but now that it's happened...
Over their time together, Gustav had proved himself a valuable companion.
Gustav's body fades.
Before we go through that door, let's check on Bowser. If Golbez's spell over him was broken...
Well, he's not trying to kill Cecil, so that's a good thing.
That is Bowser's saving grace; he couldn't do anything about what he was forced to do. It's hard to hate a man when he's in a position like that.
But does this mean he could have fought against it? Or was he simply an observer, forced to see this play out with no way of stopping it?
In the SNES version, Bowser here told them that "She's up there!" referring to the doors from the perspective of the player. It was kind of funny.
Rosa is still alive, thankfully. Golbez has disappeared, but we can still save Rosa.
As Cecil approaches, the blade begins to fall.
In the moment before Rosa is cleaved in half, Cecil pulls her out of the way.
Can you imagine what it feels like to be either of them?
And how Goddamned awkward Bowser must feel?
This is nice to see in a sprite-based, old-school game. These two are in love and this is the best way to show it.
I can't even feel bad for Bowser right now. Love is one of the best things on the planet.
And Cid makes this scene even better. Never change, you crazy old bastard.
You didn't notice the man in blue, dragon-based armor!?
Jesus Christ, we've even given her a bow and she can't see!
I even put her in the back row, so someone is going to get Shrek'd and have to pull an arrow out of their butt.
I've been there, before, Bowser. It's best not to say anything.
But Rosa is an amazing woman; she seems to understand and doesn't hate Bowser for it.
Being a Paladin, Cecil probably shouldn't hate Bowser. But in this situation, would it be that easy? What kind of man would it take not to hate Bowser?
Especially when your girlfriend pulls something like that.
Don't say that, Bowser. I need my spear-wielding badass around.
Cecil still doesn't even know what to say here.
But Cid does!
Cecil steps up and invites Bowser along. He's willing to cast aside his personal feelings.
Cecil knows what's up.
Welcome aboard, Bowser! And Rosa, too.
Bowser and Rosa will join at a level relative to Cecil's.
Rosa comes equipped with jack and shit, so let's fix that.
The Gold Hairpin adds +10 Intellect, so the Wizard Hat would be better with it's +3 Spirit, but I'd rather give Rosa some more defense.
I stripped Gustav of this stuff before he died, so it's not like I'm giving her something that a man just died in.
Bowser comes equipped with some good stuff; he can equip that old Mythril Sword, but it's weaker than his current spear.
I give him the Fire Shield for some Fire defense.
Bowser's stats are pretty good, too. He'll be hanging with the others in damage.
Rosa is a wonderful replacement for Gustav's healing. Her Spirit stat is pretty wonderful, too.
She's got a lot of spells, too. Like I said, her level is relative to Cecil's, so I've had her rejoin the party knowing up to Curaga.
Alright, let's get the hell out of here.
But, of course, it won't be that easy.
Aye, just a tad.
Hey, c'mon, he followed Golbez, didn't he?
It's a good thing, too. Because this upcoming fight is...Well, you'll see.
And you'll also see why I called her Boobarella. She's not exactly Valentina, but it's still an apt name.
Bowser's got the right idea.
Like when the Mist Dragon attacked, this swirling shit comes around us first.
And now, my crummy Boobarella joke is explained. I also don't want to spell her name each time; in the SNES version, it was Valvalis, which is much easier, but also sounds far stupider.
So, really, it's a toss-up.
This is a good way to start the fight, as she has 8,636 HP to tear through and a pain in the ass gimmick to fight through.
Every so often, she'll turn into this swirling tornado form.
It's extremely hard to hit her in this form; it's nigh-impossible, but I've seen it happen.
So, yeah, 80% of my party is useless at this stage.
And it's why Bowser is essential for this fight. Only Jump can break her out of this form.
Normally, her defenses aren't this great, but those winds add a hell of a lot. Also, Leave, is there anything you can't do?
Jump still does a good bit of damage, but also knocks her out of this tornado form.
So now, we can focus an offensive on her.
She'll do the same and good Goddamn, can she hit hard.
So, yes, her defenses are lowered, too.
There's not a ton to say here, as she's not using any of her special attacks. At least, not yet.
Just pile on the damage and keep Bowser Jumping. Jump will not only deal more damage, but if Barbariccia drops into her tornado form, she'll be immediately knocked out of it.
And, as always, Slow is a great spell to debuff bosses with.
I've never tried out Quake against her; I'm not sure if it would hit, since she might be a flying enemy. If anyone knows, feel free to let me know.
Jump is also just a straight, two-times multiplier for damage.
There's no real warning for when she transforms, so sometimes you wind up with this kind of situation.
Be sure to keep everyone healthy, too, as it's kind of a pain in the ass bringing people back. If you use a Phoenix Down or Raise, they're revived with low enough HP that it's extremely easy for them to die again; in my experiences, it seems like enemies will specifically target the newly raised person, too.
I wasn't actually using the Gaia Hammer here; I was just fucking around, waiting for Bowser to come back down. And Tornado missed entirely, which I'm okay with.
Ray sounds and looks a lot more intimidating that it actually is.
It's hard to see around Cecil, but there are some light-gray lines around him; he's been hit with Gradual Petrification. Instead of being Petrified all at once, it'll take a while for him to be turned to stone, which gives you plenty of time to heal it up.
I liked the SNES' version of this better, as instead of that kneel down, you actually saw parts of them turning into stone, starting with their feet. It was a pretty awesome effect.
Cid is about to drop some Cider on himself, as he's just pretty much good for attacking.
Leave will be doing the same; he might have a lot of options in that attack menu of his, but nearly all of them are just some form of hit the enemy. Berserking him cuts out the middle man.
Though, I do wonder why Berserk is a laser beam from the sky...
Add in Rosa using Cura here and there and you've seen how the rest of the fight goes.
So, let's skip to the end.
Barbie falls and we've defeated the third Elemental Lord.
After the fight, she's quick to remind us that there is still one of them left.
And then immediately tells us that we didn't need to know the last one existed because we're about to die.
The screen begins to shake wildly; shake your monitor if you want to see it.
Cecil, both you and Rosa know Telep--
Oh, never mind. They thought of that.
It's about Goddamned time someone decided to do that.
The screen cuts to black...
And that's where we end this update.
Next time, on Final Fantasy IV, we'll find out where we teleported to! Stay tuned!