Part 22: Update Twenty Two: Fuck...Update Twenty Two: Fuck...
Welcome back! Last time, on Final Fantasy IV, we climbed most of the Tower of Babel. Today, we're going to finish off this tower, so let's mosey.
We were about twenty feet away from the end of this tower when we last left off. I could have done it all in one shot, yeah, but there will be some shit this update.
On my trip up here, I encountered about three Security Eyes as regular encounters. They all summoned Nagas, too, so I think they're programming got all fucked up somewhere.
At the top of these steps, we encounter two more villains on Golbez' payroll.
The Doctor is the one visible; the man in red is Rubicante.
Rubicante is a fucking boss, for reasons that we'll see later. There's a good chance I might spend an entire update just verbally fellating him.
Anyone who's played this game before will understand why and probably be thinking of their own things to say after that update.
Also, it was apparently a teleportation device that Rubicante was standing on. I guess the deep purple was it powering up or something.
Doc here is hella excited to be alone. So excited that he doesn't notice the entire group of people standing about ten feet away.
I don't know why he'd want to be in charge down here. I mean, I guess he gets to order around the Black Lizards and take the Fiery Hounds for their walks.
That also means he has to clean up the shit of a flaming dog monster and that is a job I wish on no one. Especially when you're already surrounded by lava.
They're still keeping an eye on Herr Doctor, instead of looking for the Crystals, like they should be.
Through a combination of ladders, chutes, and roller skating.
Dress up like Batman, tie a belt around his neck and--I'll stop there.
: I may not be an Elemental Lord, but I, Dr. Lugae, am the brains of Golbez's operation!
I wouldn't be bragging about that second part, Loogie. There hasn't been a particularly impressive showing in that department so far.
Mad scientists have honor? I thought it was just getting a pig to fuck a Nintendo 64 and finding out if it would breed.
Shit, Bowser is even calling this guy out on that.
Note: said creation may not be that great.
But, it's time for a boss fight!
Barnabas is his great creation. There's a few different strategies I've heard for this fight, but I'll be going with what I like to do. Feel free to post your own strategy.
The fight will end when Doctor here goes down. I don't know why he doesn't have a last name right now.
He's got 4,936 HP to his name, while Barnabas there has 4,832.
Since the fight will end when Doctor is defeated, I focus on him. You can kill Barnabas and get some extra gil and XP out of it, but I'm not too worried about it. Oh, I'd also get the Bestiary entry for him, but fuck it, I don't care about that.
After a little bit, he'll order Barnabas to attack. He looks like a big boy, so this could end badly.
He's an eloquent feller, isn't he?
After Cecil's attack there, Barnabas takes his turn.
And apparently backhands his creator.
He does a fair bit of damage, too, but I've got a better way to put on the hurt.
: Over there! Beat 'em up!
Neither of these guys have any weaknesses, so Bio is an excellent way to go.
Oh, buddy, I don't plan on it.
As pictured, there is no mercy being shown right now.
Bio is a wonderful spell and you should be properly abusing it. It'll fuck up most enemies in short order and Kim's MP pool is good enough that she can fire off Bio after Bio.
Anyways, this is the end of Doctor Lugae.
Now, before someone in the thread bitches me out for it, you can kill off either one of them here. If you kill Barnabas, Doctor Lugae will take manual control of him and then you'll be fighting Barnabas-Z.
Barnabas-Z, on the whole, isn't very dangerous, and has 4,518 HP. It's easy enough to tear through that, but be quick about it if you do fight him, since he'll use Self-Destruct in short order, which is dangerous.
But, that's not what I did. I just want to get through this part as quick as I can.
Barnabas here has Self-Destruct, too, and full HP.
Leave, while a tough man with lots of HP, can't really take an explosion to the face very well.
As evidenced here. Yowch.
Had I gone the alternate route for this, I could have gotten more XP, but, for once, I'm content with the amount of XP I have.
Oh, Goddammit, Doc!
I guess he moons us. Truly, the evilest of all scientific acts.
You know things have gotten serious here, since he's using his name in battle now.
He has a few words to say at the beginning of the fight, so I take this time to revive Leave.
Well, at the very least, I have Bowser ready a Phoenix Down for Leave.
Dr. Lugae's transformation apparently includes some incredible vertical hops.
Leave gets a quick Hi-Potion as it's more effective than Cecil's Cura. I'd like him alive for this fight, since Dr. Lugae here has 9,321 HP.
He starts the fight off with Poison Gas.
Everyone is now poisoned, but it's okay, as it's not really all that dangerous. Looking over at Lugae there, I can see a rocket on his shoulder and some pointy, scary shoes.
Since he started with Poison Gas, I decide to give him a taste of his own medicine. Also, that rocket will never come into play in this fight.
Oh, Kim, you wonderful lady, you!
Dr. Lugae has this as a counter, but it seems to have pretty mediocre accuracy.
I'd recommend keeping everyone's HP high during this fight, as Lugae has one attack that is very dangerous.
Not Beam, though. It's a fairly weak attack, as it only did 128 HP of damage to Bowser.
The thing here is that this initially seems like a dangerous fight, but it isn't. It's more of a curiosity, really.
This is the reason why everyone should have high HP. Laser is the badass big brother of Beam.
The very badass big brother.
Through, why is Leave suddenly getting beat the fuck up?
Flame Thrower here looks kind of scary, doesn't it?
Actually, I'd say it looks fairly terrifying. Especially when you have one character who's fresh risen from the grave.
The only thing that Flame Thrower is good for is to show off just how terrible Leave's Magic Defense is.
Slow is entirely unnecessary, but it's such a good debuff, I can't help but use it.
Panacea? Doesn't that mean--
Oh, yeah, Lugae is fucking nuts. Did I mention that?
Anyways, this fight is nearly over. Aside from his putting Rosa and Kim to sleep, there's nothing much left to show here. I think I covered all the big things here.
Ah, here we go. Last hit of the battle.
For that fight, we receive a key. Remember that locked door from earlier?
: taken all the Crystals to the surface. The dwarves will be annihilated with my cannon! Victory is mine! Mwahahaha!
And then he explodes. I told you this guy was Goddamned Looney Tunes.
It's a good thing we snagged that key off of him. It unlocks the cannon room.
Bowser gets the last word in and off we rush. There isn't much time!
Here we are.
We use the key on the door and head on in.
I already told you this was the cannon room, yes, but I thought you'd like to see the banner box for it.
Though, I do wonder what kind of dirt Golbez has on these Tibetan monks if they're blowing the dwarves away.
They're also the brand of Evil that Umbrella gives research grants to.
Oh, never mind. No wonder these guys are using the cannons to fight the dwarves.
As I'm fairly certain if one of the dwarves gave them a slightly dirty look, they'd die of a stroke.
The hell is that going to do? Make us not be able to use the cannons?
Oh, of course it doesn't stop them for good. It forces them to keep firing; I wonder if that's a skill you learn in henchman school.
Leave, are you a master of technology, too?
Kim's right on the money here, Leave. I ain't going without you.
There is no way in Hell that I am going--
Okay, that's a good way to convince me to go.
I'm glad I at least took his claws off first.
Why can't we reopen the fucking door? Did we throw the key into the abyss after using it?
I don't even know what your plan is!
What the hell are you--
We can't even head in there to see if we can help him. Leave is good and gone, folks.
Let's get out of here.
What are we going to tell his wife?
We didn't even manage to recover one of the Crystals, either. At the very least, we managed to stop the cannons from annihilating the dwarves.
Oh, hell, what now?
The fuck is that?
Jesus Christ, he's blowing up the bridge!
Oh, God, we're falling!
Wait a second... Is that who I think it is?
Oh, hell yes! Cid's back!
You're Goddamn right it doesn't, you bearded son of a bitching bastard!
Off kicking the asses of angels, I'd reckon.
I don't agree with what he did, Cid, but he had good intentions. He saved a lot of lives and that's what would have mattered to him.
Eh? Who's still on you?
Oh, shit, Red Wings!
Enterprise isn't fast enough to shake 'em, either. They keep on our ass as we soar through the Underworld.
And considering that Enterprise was state of the art, they must've been some incredible upgrades.
I'm cutting out most of these chase scenes, but rest assured, we've flown around about 3/4ths of the Underworld.
Let's hope! If we crash around here, I don't think we'll make it to Giott's castle this time.
Oh, Cid, tell me that you attached a cannon or six to Enterprise.
Or some double gatling guns with explosive ammunition.
: this bomb!
Cid, if you're going to do what I think you're going to, you best not be so casual with me!
Stick around, Cid, and you can do it yourself!
We can't lose two of our men today.
Even in the face of his own demise, Cid doesn't give it up.
He's a hell of a guy, isn't he?
With those words, he leaps from the side of the airship, bomb in hand.
He falls through the air, slowly spinning as he does so.
Goddammit, Cid. Goddammit.
The bomb detonates as it should...
...And the mountain near Agart begins to be resealed.
We've made it out, but at what cost?
We have no other choice, Cecil. We'll go to Baron as soon as we can.
But, that'll be next update folks.
Next time, on Final Fantasy IV, we'll head to Baron and see what Cid has in store for us there. Stay tuned.