Part 33: Update Thirty Two: Prayer Does Get You Somewhere!Update Thirty Two: Prayer Does Get You Somewhere!
Welcome back! Last time, on Final Fantasy IV, we ignored continuing the plot in favor of whacking unconscious monks with frying pans. Today, we're going to continue that plot, so let's mosey.
Alright, I bet we gotta go see the Elder, so let's--
Oh, hell, he's met us at the door.
We're not bullshitting around today. We're all business.
The screen fades to black...
...And the Legend appears. This reminds me, we have a smith tinkering around with the sword that has this legend on it. Thank God we didn't need that on hand to refer back to the legend, huh?
In the SNES version, instead of praying, the Elder and these mages were "wishing". Censorship is a funny thing, in hindsight.
...What the hell is going on?
These are the kind of things that happen before either Golbez shows up or a Fiend attacks.
I hope Cecil is prepared for the possibility--
I am! What the hell is that!
Have caused a fucking tidal distortion! I hope you're happy, assbutt!
Oh, great, the Elder leads a cult and we've all been fooled. This whole time, they've been praying for Cthulhu or some shit to rise from the ocean.
I'm not sure what's poking out here, but I don't like it. No sir.
I don't believe I was doubting anything, really, but thanks for the assurance.
Ah, yes, it looks so majestic.
Only in a fantasy occupation can you say that line with not only a straight face, but have it be completely true.
Cecil, it's called the Lunar Whale. I wonder how.
: the ship that controls navigation between here and the moon. You must communicate with it.
So, yeah, we're going to the Moon in our fight against evil.
Alright, let's get to seeing about that doing.
We'll catch a nap in our new spaceship. And yes, there is a Fat Chocobo already inside of it.
With our nap out of the way, let's communicate with that Crystal.
I guess there are more than eight Crystals. I wonder why Golbez didn't need this one.
Oh, and communicating with the Crystal is as easy as just walking up to it and pressing "A". After doing so, the Lunar While rises into the air...
...And we easily break the atmosphere.
Holy Hell, we're booking ass to the Moon.
Before we do any Moon wandering, though, there's one thing that we can do now.
Back to Earth! Whatever the hell Golbez is doing can wait.
Also, just look at how high up we are. The airships let us take to the sky, but the Lunar Whale is just such an improvement over them that they are dwarfed when the Whale takes flight.
You all see where I'm going now, right?
That's right. We've got a sextacular new sword to pick up.
It also adds +10 to Strength. This thing is bloody awesome. Sure, Cecil is taking a defensive hit here, but look at that boost to attack!
Alright, back to the Moon.
The moon isn't very big and only has a few different locations to visit.
And there is no way in fuck that I'm going near that place for a long time.
Some caves, too, which we will visit today.
And this place. This is where we're headed today.
We can only land on these plots of land; no landing on the pocked face of the Moon.
And when getting off the Whale, we have to walk out every time. Granted, it's because the flying controls and Crystal are different things, plus the free healing and the Fat Chocobo.
Listen to that music. We are on the motherfucking Moon and that song is only enhancing the harsh and foreign atmosphere.
Though, at least there's breathable air on the Moon.
There is also treasure. I don't know which confuses me more.
We've fought goblins, demons, monsters, Elemental Lords. We've killed goblins, demons, monsters and Elemental Lords.
Now we're about to add "Moon Monsters" to the list of things we've killed.
Oh, Jesus, they hit hard, too. The Eukaryote, in the front, did that. They have 1,700 HP to their name, with no weaknesses and resistances to just about every status ailment.
Excalibur is enough to slay these creatures, though.
Prokaryotes have slightly weaker attacks.
But their hits inflict Poison, which isn't too terrible.
As long as you can stomach purple characters until it's healed up.
I use Leviathan to blast these guys into moon dust; he's a touch overkill, since the Prokaryote has 2,600 HP and he'll deal about double that.
We gain an assload of XP after the fight, plus I thought you guys would want a better shot of the purple Paladin.
The chest treasure was the Golden Apple, while the Lunar Curtain came from one of the -kotes.
Golden Apples give a character a permanent +100 boost to HP, so Kim gets it, as she is the easiest to kill.
And just a few steps away is another encounter.
The Black Flan is the only new one here. They're slightly different from the other Pudding type monsters, in that they have no weakness. Instead, you can just use any sort of damaging spell to rip through their 1,357 HP.
Flame will mop up the others, but the Black Flan needs something bigger.
Continuing on, I don't get very far before there's another fight.
The Abyss Worm is the newcomer this time. They're weak to Fire and hold 7,000 HP to their name.
They counter attacks, physical and magical, with Vampire.
In addition to their powerful physical attacks. Yee-owch.
We've got to cross some Moon real estate to get to the next cave.
Since we can't just land in front of that crystal looking palace.
You'd think whoever wanted us to come up here would be less of an asshole about us actually reaching him.
I almost question the point of this cave, considering how short it is.
Heading east of that cave's exit is all we need to do now.
Really, it's a fairly short walk to get here, but it seems a lot longer than it is. You might not get that effect from screenshots alone, but if you've played this game before, you know what I mean.
We head on in and go straight through. To the left and right, there are HP/MP restoring spots, but I figured you didn't want to see that.
Ah, hell, this is looking more and more like a villainous entrance.
What in the hell is that?
Jesus Christ, Santa Claus lives on the Moon and we're about to have a boss fight with him.
You're certainly calm about this turn of events, Cecil.
I hate the way he spells his name.
: destruction. Species of the planet escaped on a ship to the blue planet, Earth. However, the people of the blue planet were still evolving, so the lunarians created another moon where they could sleep a long, long slumber.
: everything on the blue planet and create a new home there.
You're telling me, Kim. He's a hell of a wordy old man.
Just how Goddamn evil was this guy? Sending evil from the Moon to a planet cannot be a small amount of evil job.
Golbez is someone's puppet!
: dimensional elevator in the Tower of Babel. It is his plan to use this device to transport the Giant of Babel to your planet, so that it may bring forth total destruction to your people.
For some reason, it took FuSoYa four fucking text boxes to say that.
Yes, Rosa, four text boxes!
: reached with your kind. They wait now, in deep slumber, for your people to reach their level of evolution.
Why the hell haven't you woken some of them up to help us with this fuckery!?
It's a spaceboat, Cecil!
: blue planet. He had always dreamed of visiting unknown lands. This is how the Devil's Road and air flight technology were introduced. On the blue planet, KluYa fell in love and had many children.
I wish we had met KluYa. He sounds like a pretty cool dude. He just rolled down to the blue planet, invented the Devil's Road, flung airships at humanity, and then gathered a
Wait a second, are concubines in batches? Herds sound better. A herd of concubines.
herd of concubines and started flinging babies everywhere.
Oh, yeah, and Cecil was one of those babies. He's half moon-man.
Holy shit nuggets, Cecil! It called you "Son" and it was your father! Who the fuck would have thought that!?
Maybe it seems like I'm overreacting here, and I probably am, but c'mon, is this surprising?
Well, maybe Cecil being part moon-man and that light being a real moon-man is, but that light being Cecil's father should catch no one off guard. Maybe KluYa being a massive player can be surprising, but the father reveal here isn't.
Man, now I feel bad for all those other people who failed the Paladin test. If they reached the top of the mountain, did KluYa just go, "Hey, I didn't fuck your mom! Failure!" and blast them into oblivion?
Why the hell didn't you just tell the Elder all of this? Surely, you could have just had him pass the message along.
: reach the Blue Planet! I will join you on your journey.
FuSoYa is magically inclined. Like, seriously magically inclined. He has access to both Black and White magic.
He knows every single White magic spell there is to know.
As well as every single Black magic spell, including Meteor. Though, if you look, you'll see he only has 190 MP; that's a hard cap, too, so it'll never raise naturally. This really ends up hurting FuSoYa.
But, hey, we can now fling Meteor, the spell that killed Gustav, around all willy-nilly!
Oh, and that Dark Grenade has 1,820 HP and can drop the Bomb summon, so that Kim can summon Bombs.
Anyways, with FuSoYa's joining, we're done with this update. Next time, let's get back to Earth.
Also, FuSoYa needs a new name. I refuse to keep typing that bullshit of a name he has, so BOLD your votes on what we're going to call him! We've still only got six spaces, though, so no special names for the Moon Man! I'll be doing my usual of taking whatever is best/what amuses me the most.