Part 35: Update Thirty Four: The Gang's All HereUpdate Thirty Four: The Gang's All Here
Welcome back! Last time, on Final Fantasy IV, we defeated the God of the Summoned Monsters. Today, we're going back to Earth, so let's mosey.
I just hope we're not too late.
The Tower of Babel is glowing like a motherfucker.
There's no choice here; we land here as soon as we arrived.
Ah, Christ. Looks like things are going to shit.
Since I've grown tired of telling you guys that things are shaking, have a look at it. Plus, it feels like a long time since I've made a .gif, so it's good to see 'em back. I hope.
That's supposed to be a scream of terror, by the way. That's the exact sound I make when I stretch real good and get my back to pop.
Even though it kinda feels like it's popping around my sternum...
Well, Goemon, I think he means that we've fucked up.
Oh, what the hell is going on now?
BY THE SAINTS OF LOS ANGELES
That's the thing we came here to stop?
Oh, what the hell are we going to do against that!?
...Fuck me in the anus.
Well, we've got the Lunar Whale. Maybe we can just crash into that fucker's face with it as fast as we can.
Sure, it screws over our only method of space travel, but if it's worth it to stop this thing...
Whatever we do, we can't give up.
We've come this far and we can't quit now. Golbez needs to be stopped and I'll be damned if I let some bigass, terrifying Giant of Babel get in my fucking way.
Oh, what the hell is it now!?
Is...Is the Giant's dick exploding?
No fucking way.
I feel like I should be asking how they got up here, but honestly, I don't give a flying fuck. King Giott just rolled up in his tanks and shot the world destroying monster in the fucking cock.
I love these bastards.
They've got soul.
Oh, fuck, Leave's here, too!
I would have liked it if you had joined me back in the Sylvan Cave, but, hell, you're here now and that's the important thing.
The dwarven tanks launch a massive assault on the Giant of Babel. I doubt they can destroy it that way, but maybe they can distract it long enough for us to have a shot at it.
And now we have air support? Oh, shit, everything is just comin' up aces right now.
Cid, you scraggly son of a bitch!
But, wait, there were more airships. Could it be...?
Hell yes, you little shithead. Welcome back.
Mune, I ain't got time to give a shit about that!
Because we are fighting the biggest threat to this planet right now, so the details can kiss my ass!
Masa, it's good to see you back. I know one person who won't be thrilled with this, but as I've told him several times, he can go fuck himself.
Champ, they gave you an airship, too?
Hell, looks like you're not the pussy we first found in Damcyan Castle.
Look at 'em go! This is just what we needed!
I would be, too, if all of a sudden I was just getting blown the fuck up.
Wait, enter the Giant?
Oh, good, you guys thought the same thing.
Though, if we're going inside of it to just rip its heart out, I am all for this plan.
Cecil's on board, too. Hell, I bet Cid would love to join us, too, but we've already got five people. Don't worry Cid, I'll tear the heart out extra-hard just for you.
Cid swoops his airship down to the Lunar Whale, ready to hear Cecil's plan. And that music link is for the rest of the update; listen to it or a badger will chew off your genitals.
Everyone boards his ship and Puddin isn't up for introductions. We're here on a mission, dammit.
This entirely justifies naming him Puddin. I can't even look at this shot without laughing.
Well, Cid, you see--
You're kind of an asshole, Puddin.
But Cid just moves past it, as there's bigger shit to deal with right now.
Cid sails toward the Giant of Babel, aiming for the mouth.
At the very least, Cecil and crew make it into the mouth, falling into the Giant.
We land, ready to wreck some shit in here.
We're nearly done with this game. This is one of the last dungeons and it takes place inside of a giant fucking robot.
I love this game.
There ain't shit to the neck; just run forward to the next teleporter spot.
Hey, we're in the chest. Let's break the Giant's sternum.
Because that would hurt like hell and definitely slow the Giant down.
Of course, it's not as easy as rushing through the Giant. Random encounters run rampant through here.
Beamers are very common in here.
Centaurions aren't quite as common, but that's okay, because they pack a hell of a lot of power behind their attacks.
Beamers, in a surprise turn of events, attack with Beam.
Beam does 10% of your max HP in damage. And if it turns out that it doesn't, then it's got hella consistent damage.
Beamers have 3,000 HP and no weaknesses, so why am I blasting it with Thundara? I've got much stronger shit at my disposal.
Well, Thunder and its ilk fucks with how this machine works. It inflicts a sort of Confuse, making them attack themselves or their allies.
3,500 HP on the Centaurion, by the way. Other than their physicals, they're nothing special, as they have no weaknesses, either.
The Giant is very straight forward inside, so it's easy to rush through.
The Searcher in back there has 5,500 HP and counters everything with Beam. Magic, physicals, funny looks; all get Beam'd in the end.
Mech Soldiers, in addition to their 4,900 HP, have pretty strong physicals. However, they, much like the Beamers, don't deal with electrical shocks very well.
Ninjutsu is often more useful than you'd think. Sure, I could get Kim to do the same thing and not burn through a small MP pool, but c'mon, how often do you really see Ninjutsu used?
Not the best of damage, but the Mech Soldiers will at least start wailing on each other now.
This is from the Searcher, by the way; that Mech Soldier isn't shooting Rosa with his crotch lasers.
Remember back at the beginning when that Baron Soldier attacked himself in Kaipo?
The animation is the same. I think the damage is quadrupled, but the animation hasn't changed.
And those fights give a good amount of XP, too. There's a few level ups in here.
Like this one. Full-Life is kind of expensive, but it'll restore somebody with full HP if they're killed. Very handy, especially during boss fights or against enemies with full-party attacks.
Who the hell put chests inside the Giant?
Oh, and that last encounter I had?
Yeah, I fought this shit like six times in a fucking row.
So, fuck these guys, they can suck on a Mega Flare.
Bahamut is a beautiful summon. 60 MP, so he's slightly expensive, but he gets fucking results.
He's perfect for dealing with bullshit encounters you don't feel like fighting or dropping some big hurt on a boss.
I usually don't get him this early, as I'm terrified of the cave he's in, but you people often make me do things that scare me.
I can think of one spot where I'm going to use these.
I can't really think of a spot where I'm going to use these.
Much as I like Rosa being able to drop some physical hurt on an enemy, I'd rather be prepared and have her better at healing. Cecil and Goemon are doing just fine in the blood-spilling department.
Silver Apples are nice. If you don't remember, they add +50 HP to someone's max HP.
I haven't encountered Soma Drops until this point, but they add +10 max MP to someone's total. I could give this to Puddin and let him have 200 MP!
But I won't, because that's stupid. Oh, and if I had one of these way back before Gustav's death, I could have given it to him to get him up to 100 MP. He can cast Meteor like that without any repercussions, so I guess the one he hit Golbez with was a special one.
Hell, it had to have been. The spells he flung at Golbez before Meteor, combing their costs, were 110 MP worth of spells.
Before I start really rambling on about Gustav and his death, I'd like you to show you what it looks like when a Beamer attacks itself.
It looks like Cecil fucking blasts them with a mouth laser, ala Nappa.
I'm not sure what this correlates to in the human body; an intestine, perhaps?
Or maybe a vein.
Either way, not super interesting.
The Last Arm here has 9,500 HP to his name. He might look like a Security Eye, but he doesn't summon monsters in.
Nor does he have the instant kill fuckery of a Trap Door.
And, uh, right now, he has no fuckery to speak of. See, his Search lets him cast Magnetic Radiation, which inflicts Stop on someone; if you don't kill him fast enough, he'll Stop everybody and that'd be kind of shitty. I don't know what happens if he Stops everyone, as I usually nuke him into oblivion.
We get an Elixir for our troubles. I think I have eight of these things now.
That spot up there is a Save Point. It's odd, futuristic look matches the look of the Giant.
Our Cottage, though, is hella out of place.
But we're done here for today. We're also almost done with the Giant, too.
So, next time on Final Fantasy IV, we'll finish off this big bastard. Stay tuned.