Part 31

Chapter 27



This is Tale 6 of 12. We're almost half-way done!

Unfortunately, this is the better half.






So of course we start off in a battle. These four assholes are trying to invade Eblan!





LET'S KILL THE SHIT OUT OF THEM

DIE DIE DIE



Eblan is saved!





Well, time to loot the corpses and...






Oh dammit.

Let me be up front here. I fucking hate these four people. I'll try to be positive about them, but they are really the four blandest, most annoying characters in this game.

This is the same game where some random girl shows up everywhere, instantly kills everybody, and steals the crystal doing nothing but calling everybody "inferior."



I'll talk about my thoughts on Edge later, though. I'm sure I'll definitely talk about Edge a lot in this LP.

I have heard many tales about the great feats you have accomplished in the past. Could it be that you are still holding back to protect us from injury?
Hold your tongue, Tsukinowa.

The one character trait each of them shares, and one that constitutes 90% of the personality of three of the characters, is their relentless ass-kissing for Edge. Seriously. Other than the part we'll get to soon, they do nothing but suck up to Edge in an incredibly annoying fashion.

I guess you could see it as admirable and star-struck, but when you have four people trying to talk over each other about how awesome Edge is and everything, it gets old pretty damn quick. Much quicker than the amount of time they spend kissing his ass.



Edge probably should've picked better pupils. Or at least less-annoying ones.

Yes, Master. Tolerant as always. Sacrificing your own time to offer each of us your training... I, Zangetsu, could hope for no higher honor in my lifetime!
It's only because you all practically twisted my arm to do this.

I think the only thing more annoying than these four kissing Edge's ass all the time would be them constantly pleading for him to train him. I now see why he's training these guys.

We cannot afford to have Eblan's traditional ninja arts fade away into history, Master.
Don't you think we'd be better off without these lethal weapons we call arts?

Oh boy, here we go with the jRPG pseudo-philosophy.

But your arts can be used for far more than the taking of someone's life, Master. As long as we have yet to meet our full potential... We must continue to strive for the limits of human ability!



So why work so hard at this? Wouldn't you rather have some fun with your lives?

You know, go do something else? Away from Edge? And this game?



Ah, our wise master understands even a woman's heart.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

That's right. Tsukinowa just called Edge an expert on women. Edge.



What is it, Tsukinowa?





Hunker down, folks. This is going to be an interesting one.





We transition to the Throne Room, where Edge is watching the fifth most-annoying character in the game run around in a panic.



Calm down already.

Seriously. Between the Eblan Four and the Seneschal, Edge has the patience of several saints.

How could one possibly stay calm at a time like this!?
Come on. You're an old man. You'll give yourself a heart attack going on like that.
Your Young Highness!
You know I'm sick of you calling me that.
I could hardly imagine calling you anything else, Young Highness! Just when Eblan finally gets itself back on its feet, this moon again rears its ugly head!

There's this thing that floats around concerning FF8, where people explain that Squall's an asshole because everyone else around him is an insufferable twit.

Edge is in the same boat here, and yet he's not nearly as much an asshole anymore. Cocky and confident, sure, but he's actually matured. I think all the idiots here just exhausted him to the point of defeatism.



You have no idea.

Enough.
Your Young Highness...

In most cases, it's pretty silly when characters complain about having titles. Hell, just look at "Lord Palom" last Tale.

Here, I can understand Edge getting sick of it. It's actually kind of insulting to be called "Young Highness," as it implies inexperience and instability. Something that was true of Edge in the original game, but something that is absolutely untrue seventeen years later.



I mean, this is the guy assisting the king? The one guy who goes into a tizzy at the slightest provocation? This is the same guy who actually marched through the Tower of Babel to reach Edge in the original game?

I apologize, my lord. I bow before your wisdom. You are truly the son of our late beloved ruler and queen!
Right. Watch the castle for me.

It's taken seventeen years, but Edge has finally had enough. He's running away from home.



Off on a bit of business.
At a time like this?
Mm-hmm. So watch the castle for me, all right?

Eblan is screwed.

Please...please don't do anything reckless, your Young Highness!
Calm down. You'll worry yourself to death.

If only.



Finally. No Eblan Four, no Seneschal. Just Edge.



Edge is close to the same as before, though Sneak/Steal has been replaced by what is essentially Mug.

Mug's actually nice in this game, though. Most enemies have treasures that aren't really worth stealing, but hey, free potions and stuff never hurt. Plus, as a special ability, it lets Edge bypass a bad moon for a bit of charge time. Hell, most of the time there's no reason not to use Smash and Grab besides a bad moon.



There's also Ninjutsu, which I'll rarely use outside of Image and Smoke. There's actually more techniques this time through, at least.



There's actually silence for this part. Also, we will be visiting the Eblan Cave and the Tower of Babel.



Edge sure knows a woman's heart, alright.



I think it's because you're a random NPC with no intrinsic value.



Because this is Eblan, there are tons of secret passages.



My favorite is this one, which leads...



...to Edge's room. I like the idea of a ninja king's bedroom being hidden behind secret passages.

Couldn't figure out how to open that trap door, sadly. Might be for a later thing.



Only because they wouldn't shut up until he did.



So much for running away from home.







They all jump in and say their line. Wonderful.

What do you mean?
You intend to investigate the return of the second moon by yourself, do you not?
The moon is causing severe unrest within Eblan as we speak.
Please make use of us if there is a need for reconnaissance.



He's running away from home. Maybe look up Rydia's phone number, or chill at Troia or something.



Great, now they're all siding with Seneschal. They're conspiring together to annoy Edge to death.

Please, Master! Let the four of us share the burden!
I have yet to decide whether any of you are ready for such a mission.
Then let this mission be a test of our readiness!
...
Besides, we can ill afford to have our leader away from his kingdom right now.
I already asked the seneschal and the rest to handle my affairs.

And I now see why the Eblan Four are so concerned.

It may not be long before that tower is set in motion again, my lord.
That tower...







I knew you would understand, Master!
Your orders, then, sir.



What would that be?
Be careful. Your lives are too valuable to waste.
Yes, Master!

HAH! Good one, Edge.

If it weren't for the LP, I'd force them to each end their own lives themselves for the shame of them being them.



So the moon randomly turns to Waxing...



And here is where we stand. Each segment occurs at a different moon phase. So we choose a character, we play their segment, and once we finish it we start another in the next moon phase. For instance, I asked for a person to put these names in any order.


So we start off with Zangetsu in the Waxing Moon, then Gekkou in the Full Moon, and so on.

When I first played this, I thought this was stupid. Yeah, there's some strategy involved, but you have absolutely no idea about the characters' stats or specialties or anything else, so there's no real way to plan ahead without reading a FAQ.

However, their names represent moon phases. I'm not sure which means which, but I'm sure in the Japanese version, players would use the corresponding names for the moon phase for each segment. A pseudo-puzzle, if you will. Unfortunatley, this is something that's lost in translation, so we'll have to settle for the second-best option: Captain Planet

Each of the Eblan Four is represented by one of the elements, which I will get into with these respective characters. Anyway, we're going to start with Zangetsu next time.

Next time, we watch the only character development these guys will ever get.