Part 49: Tinker, Trickster, Soldier, AgentUpdate 49: Tinker, Trickster, Soldier, Agent
In This Update:
- Watching the Goug Watch
- DEATH MARCH
- Tinkers, man. Tinkers.
It seems the moogles of Goug need to hire help to help handle their hired help.
Fortunately for them, Clan Sawyer is very trustworthy.
There are only four enemies, and they're just a few levels below us. So the odds are slightly stacked in our favor.
The clan levels are mostly evened out, so I can have a bit more fun when assembling a team. You can see I brought some heavy hitters.
: These moogles only care for the machineries that whir here night and day.
: You're the parivir hired to protect the city? What's the matter with you? How can you rob the people who hired you?
: These infernal moogles won't pay us our due in gil, so we mean to take it in kind. Ten times the contracted amount for services rendered ought to cover it, eh? Ha ha ha.
Twist! Parivirs are minor villains 90% of the time, I swear. Which I guess is somewhat consistent with
: Now I've gone and said it. I reckon we'll have to take you out now!
: Doesn't seem we'll be able to reason with them. We'll drive them out by force, if that's what it takes!
"Oh well, guess we'll have to use violence." Why even bother with other solutions?
As I said, we're about evenly matched in power, though we do outnumber them.
Goug is a very weird battlefield. It's split into three sections, and our starting position lets us lock down two of those sections immediately.
These guys are going to be stuck down here for a few turns.
Leed can block them off by himself for a bit, too. Unfortunately, he's holding two holy-element swords and this Fighter resists holy damage.
In the middle, Lian and Talf finish off the Master Monk. The Berserker moving up on the right will be their next target.
Now that's a blow to my plan! Leed is a bit squishy -- Ninjas don't have much HP growth -- and Slow is a strong debuff on even the fastest characters.
Silver lining: Leed has the Replenish MP R-Ability, which converts about 20% of damage taken into MP. His best spells cost 14 MP, so taking a bit of damage lets him cast a lot more spells.
And now we really need to get him out of there.
The Berserker has caught up with us and decides to strip away the Haste buff that Montblanc gave Talf.
Talf does not take kindly to that.
Leed slammed the Fighter with one last Magick Frenzy before retreating, and now Adelle is trying to finish him off.
In a recent update, I commented that Montblanc was doing way more damage than Talf despite using a weaker spell. I had forgotten that Montblanc has the Geomancy P-Ability, which reduces his targets' elemental resistances. (Talf has Half MP instead, which is more useful for Alchemists and Sages.)
Lian heals Leed, Adelle takes a hit.
And Al-Cid hits an excellent cross-map shot for the kill.
Montblanc finishes off the poor Berserker.
I love watching non-mages try to attack mages with spells. Talf has no elemental resistances, this is just pure Magick Resistance negating the Parivir's low Magick Power.
Best part: Talf has the Magick Counter R-Ability. After getting hit with a spell, he casts the same spell back at the caster, assuming he has the MP for it.
Obviously, the Parivir needs to be brought to justice, and stoning him is the easiest way to arrest him.
: I don't think that bunch will bother Goug again any time soon, though.
You can't just keep hiring clans! That'll get expensive, and also historically hasn't worked well for Goug.
This law isn't as bad as it looks. The levels will be close enough that we won't easily do over 100 damage unless I bring a Parivir or Summoner.
A Thief, an Animist, a Black Mage, a Moogle Knight, a Tinker and (offscreen) a Fusilier. All at level 47. This will be fun!
We start in the middle, so the enemy will have the same issue of wasting turns to reach us. The intersection by the Moogle Knight will be our choke point.
This is Zupp, the aforementioned Moogle Knight and head of the Goug Watch.
: You sound pretty serious about this. Nothing better than rolling up your sleeves and getting down to it!
: Our first battle... My heart's racing, kupo! Once we've learned how to fight, we'll be able to keep Goug safe ourselves!
: That's the spirit! All right, let's get started!
Hey this guy resist Holy damage too!
I like to talk as if there's strategy here, but really it's going to be a big mess in the middle as the sides trickle in. Samuel strips away the Animist's buffs.
Can you guess how this situation is going to degenerate?
If you guessed, "The Tinker is going to start doing stuff," well...
You're wrong, actually! The Tinker quite kindly gives our entire team Haste. Gotta love those coin flips!
Leed can't resist a group of enemies.
Adelle and Cid move forward to attack the Moogle Knight and Fusilier while Samuel supports them from the bridge.
Leed is running low on MP because Replenish MP hasn't had a chance to activate yet, but he still manages to Silence and cripple the Black Mage.
And this is how the situation degenerates. A lucky Sheep Count puts Cid, Samuel and Hurdy to sleep, leaving Montblanc trapped on the central island. Suddenly a 6v6 becomes a 2v6.
And then quickly becomes a 3v6 because the AI can't leave well enough alone.
Even then, two of those three are Leed and Adelle. They're fine.
Perhaps even too fine!
Yup, that's a broken law thanks to a random crit. Thanks, Judge.
Well, there's not much we can do about it besides finish the battle. That's two down.
With Cid awake, Montblanc can move forward and start working on the Moogle Knight, who tanks physical attacks but not spells.
Leed piles in on him, leaving the Animist in Cid's capable hands.
Samuel wakes up in time to finish off Zupp.
That leaves the Animist, Tinker and Fusilier.
Alright, we can't win every coin toss. Still would have liked to have Haste though, ours has already faded.
Not that it really matters, we have momentum and numbers behind us.
Blue Magick has turned out to be way more useful than I expected! It takes some effort to get the skills, but it's worth it.
: Stop! Thief!
: I've got you covered.
: No one tries to steal from me and gets away with it!
Did you know there's a single frame where the damage, KO and Critical text are all visible at the same time? It was really fun getting that last screenshot.
: Do you think...? Do you think we got any better?
: Oh yeah, definitely. You were handling yourselves much better by the end of the battle. A few more sparring matches like this, and you'll be ready for the real thing in no time!
: I can definitely feel some improvement, kupo! I could probably manage something like a wolf on my own, kupo. I'm sure we'll have more quests for you, kupo. Keep an eye out!
I believe this quest actually is repeatable, in case you want to train them more. I'm not sure it has any effect besides making you end sentences with "kupo."
The only quest I remember having trouble with involves a gadgeteer.
Blaze Dragon posted:
Fuck that quest forever.
I don't even need you to say anything else, I know fully well what you're talking about, it's seared into my mind.
Fuck that quest.
I remember that quest.
While I was playing this game, I had nightmares of that quest.
Just be careful of any quest where you're asked to battle in Goug. It...It won't end well.
For your sanity.
And I STILL don't remember the quest you're complaining about.
Which I guess means it'll be a nice surprise!
Ahahaha. Oh man.
You will remember. You will.
Note for archive readers: Since nearly the beginning of this LP, the thread has been warning me about one particular mission. A mission so horrible that posters insisted I must have repressed my memories of it, since I frankly had no idea what they were talking about.
It's time for that mission. And I still don't remember it, so this is basically a blind run.
Here's your first clue for why this mission is horrible.
At least the law is kind. Friendly fire is usually easy to avoid.
The Parivir is back with some friends: a Ninja in the middle, a Sniper to the left, and an Illusionist and Arcanist to the right. They're all around level 45 to 48.
We can bring one unit. I chose Lenolia, because she is probably the strongest unit in the clan. Also, she has good leadership skills.
: I-If you don't, you'll have the Goug Watch to answer to! K-Kupo!
: Don't make me laugh! I hear the fear in your voice. What could a band of tinkers and junk collectors do to us, moogle? And what's this? Only enough gil to hire one guard to protect you? Ha!
: The Goug Watch will be more than a match for a rabble like you! If you think these moogles will succumb easily, you are sorely deluded!
See? Absolute firebrand.
: You really think so, kupo? I'm not so sure...
: I doubt you've been away from your workbenches long enough to learn one end of a sword from the other. But if it's a fight you want, a fight you shall have. It'll teach you your place, if naught else!
: You've done this before, you can do it again!
Lenolia's Speed has slipped a bit, and the moogles move before her. Maybe she needs a few levels as Assassin.
Here's the main reason so many people hate this mission. A couple bad Tinker coin tosses and you'll be choking on poison while your enemies are buffed to high heaven.
Lady Luck smiles on us.
This Ninja is the first target. He's all alone in the middle, the Parivir and Sniper on the left can't reach him soon, and the Illusionist and Arcanist don't have enough MP to interfere.
Lenolia's first move is to cast Regen on everyone she can reach. Regen is a strong boost to the Watch's survivability, especially if the Tinker decides to poison all of us.
The Sniper reaches the middle, while Zupp is heading down to deal with the Illusionist.
In a frankly gratifying display, the Fusilier has been targeting the Illusionist with Silence Shots. Sadly, none of them stick, but between the attacks and the poison, he's already half dead.
And since he's a hume Illusionist, he doesn't have Blood Price and his Speed is abysmal.
Tinker turn number two. What will it be?
Two for two! Haste is extremely valuable here.
The Arcanist decides to start things off with Level 3 Dark, which hits every unit whose level is a multiple of 3.
This includes himself.
The Ninja blinded our Thief, but he doesn't let a little vision impairment stop him from stabbing people.
Lenolia is more than happy to heal him, anyway. Always award initiative!
Savor this. The Goug Watch actually gets the first kill of the match, entirely on their own, with absolutely no damage dealt by Lenolia.
Back on the left, the Sniper is almost dead and the Parivir has finally joined the fight.
Tinker attack number 3!
It doesn't actually do anything, as far as I can tell. The Parivir apparently refuses to be poisoned. On the other hand, we weren't hit by it, so I'm not going to complain.
Lenolia does her thing.
It goes well.
The Thief finishes off the Parivir. I'm actually kind of amazed -- Thieves generally like to steal instead of kill, no matter how weak their target is.
Lenolia kills the Ninja, almost as an afterthought.
Here we go. Number four!
Alright, we didn't get this one, but at least only a single enemy was alive to benefit from it.
Lenolia weakens him a bit as the Goug Watch closes in.
Level ? Shadowflare hits every enemy whose level ends in the same digit as the caster's.
Why yes, the does include the caster. Nice.
Number 5! This is the last one.
That's an unprecedented 80% success rate. Not that Haste really helps this late in the match, but I'll take it.
Unwilling to be arrested by the Goug Watch, the Arcanist takes his own life. Probably trying to make himself look like the victim or something.
I think she's trying to say, "Every one, down to the last man." Kind of a weird translation slip-up, I guess.
: Kupo-po! We did do it, didn't we, kupo! The Goug Watch is on the job! Goug will be safe from now on, kupo! Behemoths, malboros... we're ready for anything!
: Be careful what you wish for. Though you win today, you may not win tomorrow. Yet if you are humble and diligent in your preparation, victory will surely smile on you.
: We won't, kupo! We'll train every day to make sure Goug is safe!
Our work here is done.
I swear I did this mission completely blind, beyond knowing everyone hated it and a Tinker was involved. I didn't reset to get good luck, and I didn't use save states. (Not that they would help -- they don't change the RNG.) Everything was recorded in one take.
I hope you aren't too disappointed by my good luck.
Up next, we'll be participating in the Death March!
I kind of wonder if this is supposed to be a reference to something. Should it be "Death Match"? The quest becomes available in the month of Greenfire, which is basically spring, when we have the month of March. Seems like a bit of a stretch though.
Basically, Death March is a single-bout tournament TO THE DEATH!
Whoa wait they have a Judge for this??
Oh it's just some dude.
: The rules are simple: uphold the law while clearing the battlefield of your foes. The burden of upholding the law will fall upon none other than Clan Sawyer. Now, let the games begin!
He warps out, our enemies warp in.
Yes, it just so happens that we're the only ones who have to uphold the law. How convenient for them!
I'm not too worried, they're only level 25.
Zoe, it's a death match! There's nothing good or clean about this!
Necessary banter out of the way, we can finally start the slaughter.
We're a little extremely overleveled.
For example, Zoe, Al-Cid and Imino were able to kill this White Mage before anyone else could move.
The important part is obeying the law. This one isn't particularly restrictive, though you have to be careful not to get boxed in. Zoe's first move would have been suicidal, but she can fly.
Well that's three down! Halfway done already.
Zoe and Al-Cid finish off the fencer.
This White Monk ran into this corner and tried to bully us, but it didn't work well for him.
Rude, Zoe. No need to mock them.
Death March II is more of the same.
Same opening monologue.
Same general theme, though with different enemies and a harder law. Again, really make sure you don't get boxed in!
: I wouldn't count on it. You'll soon be eating those words.
: And you're going to feed them to us? I think not!
: We'll let the game decide!
Which job learns how to banter with the enemy? Leed needs some help.
Doesn't need help with Magick Frenzy though, he's got that locked down.
This is a battle were ranged units are most effective. By not being in melee range, they can more easily ensure they'll be able to move.
Skipped a few turns there, because nothing interesting happened. The Trickster moved up to attack us, quickly followed by the Elementalist and Ninja. We pushed them back a little, and Lian ate a few attacks. Now Leed, who at this point is Hasted by Lian, starts popping off with Magick Frenzy.
He's melting people, thanks to Haste giving him 2 turns in a row. (This isn't a special attack, I just got a really lucky screenshot of the attack animation.)
The Ninja had debuffed Lian's Magick Power, but he doesn't care and nets two more kills.
Nice. Just the Juggler and the Trickster left.
Leed gets the Juggler, and Imino punches the Trickster to death.
I haven't used any Tinker abilities in these battles because I just know they'll backfire. I used up all my good Tinker luck already.
Death March III is like the others, but harder.
The speech still hasn't changed.
First of all, that law is kind of awful! Exactly 3 spaces can be even harder than exactly 1 space, though ranged units won't have much trouble still.
Secondly, the enemy team is stacked.
: Leave while you still have the chance.
: Whether you're right or wrong about us, we mean to stay and find out!
Seriously Leed? "You lost your chance as soon as we showed up." Bam, simple and effective.
: Have it your way, then. Sure you're ready?
: We'll see how smug you are when the day is ours.
The Ninja and Assassin move before us, but neither manages to do anything.
The Trickster attacks Leed, but it just gives him more MP.
Lenolia dropped a Boulder Crush on the Assassin, then Leed unloads a Magick Frenzy on her and the Ninja. They're already at critical HP and we've barely started!
OK, we're basically at the same level as them, but that was embarrassingly fast.
Zoe disables the Time Mage, who I thought was going to be the third biggest threat to us.
Meanwhile, the enemy team is trying to stab and poison us.
Leed finishes off the Time Mage. Thank you for empowering my murder ninja!
Nice. We spend a few more turns trading minor blows. I'm trying to disable the enemies with Zoe's Earth's Embrace and Imino's Dagger Toss.
Frimelda cleanses Lian's poison, and then he eats a card to the face.
The Elementalist and Trickster trap themselves in the corner, which Leed is more than happy to take advantage of.
That's what you get for throwing cards in his face! Also, peep the good use of spears. Their 2-panel range really helps when movement is restricted like this.
The Green Mage is trapped in the other corner. She dodges a few attacks, but Leed gets her in the end.
Too bad this is the last challenge, huh?
Here's the score card from the end of Death March III. As you can see, we're almost all caught up to Samuel, who's sitting pretty at level 48.
This update marks the first birthday of this LP! 49 regular updates, 18 Job Roundups, and 2 informational posts. That's pretty good for one year.
I should really post that final Job Roundup.
We've come a long way in one year. With 207 completed quests and 72 hours played, we're more than 2/3 of the way through the quests. Admittedly, a lot of that playtime is from auctions and other things not directly related to questing.
I say it every update, but seriously: thank you all so much for reading this LP. I wouldn't have come this far if you weren't all reading along. I've had -- and continue to have -- a ton of fun writing it.
Of course, we can't end this update without some voting!
Vote for one of the following:
1. Let us join the Culinary Crusade!
2. We'll pursue a short career in Bounty Hunting!
3. Let's take care of a bunch of filler quests.
By the way, Parivir is not actually Samurai, but actually Yojimbo in Japanese. They are two distinctly different terminologies. Samurais are official, feudal and hiearchical ranks for Feudal Period and Edo Period Japan. (Those two actually have very distinct social hiearchies, as well as different roles for Samurais.)
Yojimbos(用心棒), on the other hand, are unoffical, hired bodyguards. Their eptymology stems from Self-Defense Sticks (用心棒) that you would stick into locks to lock a door, but in Middle Ages Japan, Locking doors=Self-Defense, hence Yojimbos became slang for hired bodyguards. Actually, they are more treated like hired goons (Not you lots here at Something Awful) that you pay to protect you, kinda like Roadhog from Overwatch.
Yojimbos are not held sacred like the Samurais. They are actually viewed as dirty ruffians that would backstab you if the opportunity rises. Kinda like the Parivirs in the Goug Watch quest lines, so the name Yojimbo is actually appropriate for them: dishonorable, opportunistic, and back-stabbing. Also, Yojimbos used swords, so there's that.