Part 4: Figaro, Figaro, Figaro!

Last time, we met the king of Figaro.



Apparently, there are some who call him... Tim?

Heh... Surprised that someone like me knows a king?

I bet she is, but she's probably more surprised at this weird mating ritual.



...I'm guessing it's the less evolved form of the brofist or something.

Well, I'll catch you two later!

And so he runs off.


Feel free to rest here for as long as you'd like. It's not in my blood to harm a lady!

Why are you being so kind to me? Is it because of my... abilities?


Second... I'm dying to know if I'm your type!



...? What's the matter?

Guess my technique's getting a bit rusty...

I refuse to believe he was ever better at this.

Hmm... I suppose a normal girl would have felt something from those words.

"I suppose a normal girl would also have known to bring a can of Mace."

But... not me...



Aeris will remain in this position indefinitely unless you do something about it. So let's.



Wandering about the castle is in fact required if you wish to continue the game, so let's do that, too. The soldiers in here both have the same lines, but the two just outside have something a little more interesting to say.

I heard the Gestahlian Empire got its hands on something called "magic"...

Now that Gestahl has the power of Magitek at his command, he's set his sights on world domination.


Whoops! Heh... It's all top-secret!

Tim is in fact pretty damn competent for a JRPG character, and I like to imagine this guy having been fed bad intel in the hopes that an imperial agent will listen in as he spills state secrets.



We're actually free to leave the castle any time we like, but it's not as if we can do anything out there, unless you feel the need to grind some levels for Aeris and leave Indy in the dust (which he certainly deserves). Thus, we're staying inside.



Here's just inside the entrance to the castle, and to the left...


The engines are currently undergoing maintenance so we can be ready to move at a moment's notice if the need arises.

Most people would probably be going at this, but Aeris, being Aeris, probably thinks this is perfectly normal, kind of like growing up around a psychotic clown.



He won't let us down into the basement  which is good because there are random enemies down there that would consider Aeris a light snack in her current state .



On the right side, there's a jail.



You can talk to the prisoners, but they don't have much interesting to say.




We're just small potatoes compared to the real threat lurking out there. King Tim knows that.

The last one, however...




...doesn't look quite like the rest.



There's a library on the right side. These guys are just here for flavour text.

Better translated flavour text.



(So Aeris sets him on fire. You know, to be helpful.)



We can sleep here if we want, or listen to some gossip.


I'm sure he's made a pass or two at you already, hasn't he?

...

This should not come as a surprise, knowing what we already know about Tim. What I'm wondering is what they need a high priestess for. The game is pretty tight-lipped on the subject of religion in this world.



Increasingly creepy, increasingly desperate. I guess it makes sense that he gets along so well with Indy.



The old lady is our press-button-to-continue event.

AUDIO: Coin Song


Talking to her initiates a flashback, though thankfully without that godawful piss-yellow filter.

Are you blind? Haven't you seen how thin his face has become?

...? ...What do you mean?

"Youth" is clearly not very bright.

Tim, rather than explain the concept of life and death to his retarded brother, runs off somewhere, leaving said brother very confused.

Tim!
Are you... crying?



Now, normally I'd put this to a vote, but we just had one and I don't trust you guys with names any more.

This guy was originally named "Mash" but got renamed "Sabin" in the US release, which is marginally better. His full name is, unless the internet is lying to me again, Macías "Mash" Rene Figaro. Now, Macías would fit, but fuck typing í all the time. Instead, we'll get to the root of this: Macías is a form of Matthias, and while that won't fit within the six-character limit...



...the short form certainly will.

Tim and Matt. It works.



Speaking to the priestess is what triggers the next event. With that accomplished, we can return to the throne room.


I've heard tell that the entire matter was settled by the flip of a coin...

Not before speaking to this guy, though. Given his job description, there's roughly a 90% chance that he'll turn out to be evil at some point and betray us. Given the king's competence and penchant for cheating at gambling, however, there's roughly a 100% chance that he has planned for this and already rolled a "one".



The king has also returned to his throne. We don't get much time to talk to him (or rather, he doesn't get much time to awkwardly hit on Aeris) before a guard runs up.

King Tim! There's someone from the Empire here to see you, sire!

Kefka, no doubt!

AUDIO: Kefka


I'll just come out and say it. I don't like this track. It's annoying.

Tim, you pinhead! Why do you have to live out in the middle of a stinking desert?
These recon jobs are the pits!



Given that we've already established that this man is a psychotic clown, you shouldn't need anything else to convince you he's an asshole, but in case that wasn't enough, here's a gif for you.



Boots taken care of, Kefka barges into the castle, smacking the poor guard aside in the process.

Out of my way!



Tim is there to welcome them.



First things first, however: that spear Indy "liberated" earlier is a pretty big upgrade over the sword he starts with.

Not that he's going to be using it much, but the numbers certainly look nice, right?



Well then, time to entertain our guests.

We have an alliance...

An alliance? With this miserable little sandpit? Don't make me laugh!

Well, that could have gone better. Let's see if the other guy is easier to deal with.

I hear you've been busy down south, taking over a country or three!

Way to be diplomatic, Tim!

Just what is the Empire up to?

That's none of your concern.

Oh well, I suppose we have to talk to Kefka.



A girl of no importance recently escaped from us. We heard she found refuge here.

This wouldn't have to do with that "witch" everyone's been whispering about, would it?



Look at that face. Look at it! Does that look like a trustworthy face to you?

That's a tough one...
There are more girls in here than grains of sand in the desert.
A man couldn't possibly keep track of them all!

The man is a total pig, but I have to admit it's kind of entertaining.

Oh, Tim.... You know you only stand to lose by trying to hide her from us!
Hee-hee-hee...
I truly hope nothing happens to your precious Figaro!

With that, Kefka leaves. Now, Tim is free to explore the southern half of his castle!



Some of the characters actually recognize him,



...though some do not, leading to the occasionally awkward situation. Though, I suppose your average gangster may not know what the king looks like.




These ladies are kind of slow. They repeat their old lines, but tag on that line at the end as if they didn't notice who they were talking to.



CREEPY.



"I'm standing right here!"
"I KNOW."



Here's the trigger for the next event, and also the reason we can't explore the northern parts of the castle.

Where's Aeris?

Mentioning Aeris is enough to summon her. Handy that! Tim drags Indy aside.



If he weren't so distracted, he'd probably have her brought to his room, but it's probably for the best; at least this way he's not getting set on fire.

He walks back up to Aeris after that little exchange.

I'd love to stay and chat, but the chancellor and I need to do some planning now.



This line is too good to transcribe.

Tim walks off while Aeris stares in stunned silence, until Indy comes up to bother her.

Follow me.



Fun fact: FFVIA has a "sprint" function. It's quite easy to get ahead of Indy here and make him follow you.



We end up in a tower on the eastern side of the castle.

Indy, right? ...Tim told me about you. Is it true you're a thief?

Predictably:


On the surface, Tim pretends to support the Empire.
Truth is, he's collaborating with an underground resistance group called the Returners.
I serve as their go-between.
The old man you met in Narshe is one of us, too.

The Empire... But, I'm an Imperial soldier...!

Not anymore. They were using you. That's all! Things are different now.

"I mean. Not a whole lot different since we're going to use you too."



It's just... I don't know what I should do.
Whenever I try to think, it just makes my head hurt even worse...

Aeris is kind of .

All that matters is that you make your own decisions from now on.
You don't have to think too hard right now. You'll know what you want to do when the time comes.

He leaves, and Aeris is depressed. Again.

But how will I know which choice is right...?



Scene change to Tim's bedroom. Something wakes him, and thankfully he sleeps fully clothed, because he jumps straight out of bed.


What in the -





"We appear to be on fire!"

"apart from that"

It's the Empire! Kefka, he-

And speak of the devil...



But rather than continue the conversation right off, the game gives us control of Tim again. So, we'll just go talk to people.

The castle's on fire!

...that was meaningful.

Fire! Fire! Heh-heh-heh...

That's... not much better. I'm not sure it's better at all.

Bring me the girl. Now!

I have no idea what you're talking about!

Oh? Then... enjoy the barbecue! Hee-hee-hee!

The conversation with Kefka is actually optional. All we need to do is go north and talk to this guy:



Yes, sire!

Kefka comes after us.

Had a change of heart?

It seems I have no choice...







Oh, my! The brave and noble king abandons his people to save his own skin!
How utterly delightful! Hee-hee-hee!

Jump!

I'd like to imagine that being directed at Kefka, because he can certainly go take a long walk off a short pier whenever he feels like it, but Tim is actually talking to...



...these two, who leap off the bridge onto the chocobos below.



The impact drives Indy's testicles up into his skull and out through his ears at near escape velocity, but it's not as if he was using them so it's no big loss.

All right! Sink her into the sand!



Silly Indy, Yahoo! stopped being relevant ages ago.



The castle starts to rumble...



...and shows us that all that talk about engines wasn't just the ramblings of a senile old man!







The castle disappears into the desert, and Kefka...



...is not pleased, and sends a couple of magitek armours after us.



They don't look much like the one Aeris piloted, but they make nice big targets for Tim's special command, Tools.

Since we didn't buy anything in Figaro, he only has the Auto Crossbow right now, which he starts with. The command can be used as many times as you like as long as you have the tool sitting in your inventory. They are actual items, but can only be used through this special menu, and will never run out.



Auto Crossbow rules. Three doses of this is all it takes to wipe out the enemies, and we're off-

Bravo, Figaro!



-leaving Kefka in the dust.

That was great!

Were those bad people? I... I'm scared...

"They tried to BURN MY CASTLE DOWN."

"But were they bad people?"

Aeris, there's someone we'd like you to meet...

Like I told you before, we're members of the Returners...

Would you be willing to meet our leader?
Magic is going to be the key to winning this war.

Magic...

: That esper reacted to your magical powers. There's got to be a relationship...

I don't know any more than you do. These powers just come naturally to me.

: But no human is born with the powers you have!

Smooth move, ex-lax. Now she's going to get depressed again.



what did i tell you

Forgive me.

AUDIO: Awakening

...What should I do?

The Empire will be coming after us. They want to use your powers for their own.

"Kind of like us."

"NOT HELPING."

And if they get them, the world is done for...

"...no pressure."

"_{shut up shut up shut up shut up}"

Aeris, you want to understand your own powers, don't you?
Then I think you should meet with Banon.
He may be able to help you find out more about why you have them.

...

Tim is so full of bullshit and Aeris knows it, but eh, it's not like she has anything better to do.

Please... Tim's right.

There's a cave just south of here that leads to South Figaro...
Let's head in that direction.



And now we're riding chocobos. "Awakening" keeps playing, sparing us the usual bird-riding theme, but looking at those graphics, I don't think it's my ears I need to worry about.



The guard can't very well refuse the king passage, so we finally have access.

Through the cave, and eastward to South Figaro.
We'll then make for the Returner headquarters in the north.
Return to the castle and pass the word along.

Understood, sire! Take care!

But this page is pretty image-heavy already, so that's as far as we're getting today. Tune in next time for even more excitement!

...how much excitement, you ask?



We're talking free healing levels of excitement. Oh yeah!



Characters

Tim Roni "There Is A Reference To Me In Xenogears" Figaro
Age: 27
Height: 183cm/6'
Weight: 77kg/169lb
Loves: Women
Hates: Lectures, and people who give them.
Hobby: Flirting and mechanics