Part 34: An utter pain(t)Last time, we pulled Batman from THE JAWS OF DEATH (very dramatic). While he's recovering, we should go... do some stuff.
Like, say... killing a certain green guy who certainly didn't kill Meryl horribly the last time she saw him or anything.
Yeah, nothing like this at all, right?
One quick suicide later...
...well, it's not really much of a challenge at all.
But at least now we get to see the rest of this scene.
I'm staying here. I wouldn't be any help to you now. And... the children need me.
I would say they need someone who can beat Humbaba the fuck up, but whatever.
Maybe after a little more time has passed...
I need to understand what's happening to me.
It is called puberty.
Can we move on now?
Yes, yes, very tragic and there's going to be another accident here if you don't get the fuck out of my way.
But at least something good came out of all this!
I think everybody I care to teach magic has learned Teleport and Stop by now, but Banish doesn't come in any other package, and it can be quite handy. I'll be showing it off sooner or later...
The images created by the summon are kind of like invisibility, but they don't disappear the first time you get hit by magic, instead having a chance to disappear when you're hit physically. It's situational, really.
So anyway, screw Aeris and her emo bullshit, let's go say hi to Batman.
Well. That is certainly a way to recover from life-threatening injuries!
If we sucked enough to get Batman killed, this guy would instead say...
...a slightly different line.
We may not have heard the alternate message here, but we're still heading to Jidoor. Because I am psychic. But suddenly, random encounter!
...guess who has an average party level of 25?
Deathgaze is a huge pain, being random and all. He'll park his ass on a particular tile on the map, and you never know which one until you hit it. Boom. Also, he keeps running away, so unless you can take off his 55k+ HP in a couple of rounds, you're going to have to hunt him down again.
Screw this guy.
And screw this guy, too. Don't you have anything better to do than to tell people the name of the city they are visiting?
...well, at least he acknowledges that the world ended.
It's still a hint.
I'm still ignoring the hell out of it.
Instead, I'm going to blow my money on stupid shit at the auction house, and if you don't remember this guy from the SNES days, it's because he's new. As is the sword.
...that's not what I'm looking for. Nice try, though!
Yak yak yak million gil can't buy the airship no matter how much you try next item please.
Better! I can buy this for 50000 gil, but I think I have enough of these. We aren't going to be using a lot of physical attacks anyway.
Yeah, I think this is going to require grinding.
We can't proceed, but trying to climb these stairs...
...causes a book to appear! Clearly, we are meant to read it.
This is Owzer's diary...
Read the diary?
Just spent an absolute fortune on a new painting.
It's quite large, so I won't be able to put it on the first floor with the others.
I'll have to think about where to display it later.
An artist came from Zozo today. Showed me his "work." What a waste of time.
Lamp on the stairwell was broken, so I bought a new one at the item shop.
'Twas a tad pricey, but now everything's all bright and cheery with just a flip of the switch.
I invited an artist here from Kohlingen. Skills weren't quite up to par...
I guess it's asking too much to expect a painter to have more talent than a wet sponge.
Owzer seems a bit of a douchebag.
I've been feeling strange lately. Ever since I had that picture painted...
I've been hearing things, too - strange sounds. They seem to be coming from the cellar.
It's almost as if they were alive...
Well, examining the lamp does turn on the light, and it lets us climb up to the paintings. Now, there is something new here...
...and this time it's exactly what you'd expect.
...some "lovely ladies"...
...and a door.
Passing this painting causes the party leader to get pulled inside and plunked down on a chair. Then a creepy old woman approaches from behind and-
-we're pulled into a fight with a crazy cat lady.
Noiseblaster really works wonders in here. The cats tend to use Blaster (no relation!) which can kill off their entire party with a little bit of luck.
This can be avoided by passing one tile lower instead of right in front of it, but where's the fun in that?
...that family is weird.
There's also a hidden item here!
Wearing it makes you undead.
This is very creepy and we will not be doing it.
Damn it, Meryl, stop falling flat on your face.
This place is all "spooky" and if you stand under those chests, they'll fall, you'll get into a fight and get a useless item from the chest.
So we won't be doing that.
Instead, we'll be examining the painting to the right...
what the shit
This thing needs to be purged. With fire.
(Because it's weak to that element. Why else?)
Killing it reveals another door behind it. And behind the door, a save spot! Does anyone else smell boss fight?
Look, it's Robin! And a... a... waht the hell is that thing on the floor?
...since Robin won't talk to me, I don't have much choice but to try to converse with the... creature.
This is going to turn out ridiculous, isn't it.
Fucking hell, they're making it hard to avoid the Metal Gear jokes. I expect this whole "repeat what you were just told with a question mark at the end" is a Japanese thing. A good localization might change most of these instances to something a that comes across a little less herp-a-derp in English, but... there's not much to do about it right now.
Owzer: Yes... It hides in the painting. It won't show itself...
It will now that we're here, because clearly the world revolves around us.
And sure enough:
Owzer: Robin! You mustn't attack the picture of the goddess! It'll only make matters worse!
This painting's the best I've had in a long time... No one's denying me this treat!
The girl in this picture is mine!
I won't give her up without a fight!
So... yeah, we're killing a painting.
The most interesting part about this is that you may recognize parts of this sprite from other sources such as-
Let's play spot-the-obviously-photoshopped-difference!
Anyway, Chadarnook has 30k HP and is weak against fire. He also switches back and forth-
-between his "hot chick" form-
-and his "generic villain" form, and we really only need to kill the latter.
This can't be...
At which point he spouts some generic villain dialogue and gives us 6 AP.
Robin acts like she actually did something here.
I mean, sure, she's probably more powerful than this entire party put together, but they were the ones who actually killed it.
Owzer: Oh, thank you... That picture's worth more to me than my own life!
"I see dumb people!"
"Lots of them!"
"So... what was a monster doing in that painting...?
I... don't really think it matters if we know this. But hey, I love typing up dialogue, so I'll get right on this.
Owzer: I guess I should start at the beginning. I'd been looking at this lovely stone I'd bought at the auction house...
All of a sudden, I was overcome with desire for a painting of Lakshmi.
I had a few different artists try to paint it for me, but none of them really gave me what I was looking for.
It was right around that time that I heard about little Robin. I brought her straight here and set her to work.
But then that thing came along and possessed her painting... It must've been lured here by that stone.
So, recap: this... creature wanted a painting of a naked chick that would come alive and resorted to child labour to get it.
"Where's the stone now?"
Owzer: Oh, the stone? It's over in that bookcase.
Who is surprised by this?
Owzer: Whatever it is, I sure don't need it anymore. If you want it, you can have it!
You know what I always said? Never turn down free stuff, especially not if it attracts demons. You get free stuff, and then you get free XP! It is all very thrilling.
Owzer: I'll be waiting for you...
Spoiler: he'll never see her again.
And as always, Robin is the best character.
Lakshmi is not the best character, but she does teach Curaga (at a lousy x1 rate) which I imagine we might find useful at some point.
But wait -
Characters' levels are adjusted to match the party average when they re-join.
The last time I saw Robin, she was level 25.
This means a whole level without esper stat boosts.
A level I am never getting back.
Ritual suicide is the only option left to me now.
(Spoiler: I'm actually not going to kill myself.)