Part 3: Fuck Gale CutChapter 3 - Fuck Gale Cut
With two Mythril Dirks, Locke gets two hits in, obliterating enemies. Terra can't really do this, especially from the back row, though she's got magic to back her up.
Leafers retain their weakness to Fire, but lose their weakness to Water and are immune to Wind instead of absorbing Ice. Dark Winds lose their weakness to Fire but gain one to Bolt because of how all flying enemies are weak to lightning now. It's also now immune to Wind. And of course both's HP have been bumped up to 50.
L6 nets Terra Poison, which is stronger than the L1 spells and costs around the same. It's awesome against humans, though we're about to get Edgar and the BioBlaster soon.
Speaking of which!
Most of the dialogue here is identical, so let's skip to Edgar.
What the fuck?
I got stuff to do, have fun!
Relax. We're cool with the Empire. Stay a while.
Why are you helping me anyway?
Three reasons. You're hot, you're hot, and you're powerful as hell.
Now for our first shops.
Items have been thinned down a lot. Dried Meat only heals 100HP, and Phoenix Downs restore a KOed target to 1/16 HP. This hack has taken the FF2US approach with status restoratives by giving cheap Remedies, though 50GP Antidotes and Eyedrops still exist. Finally, Sleeping Bags haven't changed.
You can get a second dirk here if you didn't steal one from the Marshal, but more important are Edgar's tools. They're still as awesome as you'd expect, with Bio Blaster being a bit more useful now that there's more enemies weak to poison. No free Autocrossbow anymore, though, so I spend a pretty penny on these things.
This guy says Edgar mass-produced some of his inventions for public consumption, thus everybody selling Autocrossbows everywhere. Dunno why he doesn't have his own anymore.
Who's ready for a flashback?
He's dying, you idiot.
Alright, we did the plot trigger. Now to talk to Edgar.
Who's ready to meet the new, improved Kefka?
Yeah, Kefka's a wee bit more vulgar now.
Hey, you god damn cock-sucking asshole fuckers! There's motherfucking sand on my god damn boots!
Fucking god damn idiots!
A fucking useless bitch stole our fucking god damn Magitek Armor, you cockhead! Where the fuck is she?
I swear to god, I'm gonna fuck your god damn shit up you son of a bitch!
Whatever. Take Terra to that tower and do more plot.
Am I the only one who always tries to beat the other character when they're leading us somewhere?
You're that dirty thief Locke, right?
TREASURE HUNTER HOLY SHIT. Also, Edgar's actually a Returner.
But I was an Empire pawn. I have no clue whose side to join right now.
Not my problem.
Enjoying watching these guys run!
Hahaha, what a coward!
AUGH I LOST MY LEGS
WHAT THE FUCK KILL THEM
Slightly more HP (250 vs. 210), gaining a Water weakness in addition to Bolt and Ice immunity, and with innate Safe.
Edgar? Still broken.
That guy scares the hell outta me.
Then you should meet our leader, Banon. Your thing with that esper would be useful to us, and considering what a freak of nature you are and all...
Anyway, off to South Figaro.
Edgar actually comes with his own Mythril Pike. Spears are two-handed here, but also get the Gauntlet damage bonus from using them. They're also fine in the back row.
Not that you'll ever use Edgar's attacks.
Hornets gained a whopping 8 HP.
Crawlers gained immunity to Ice and Bolt and went up to 150 HP.
They all still die to Autocrossbow.
Greasemonks can have Dried Meat stolen from them. They also like to play Catch with wrenches.
And, of course, Poison wrecks them.
South Figaro, our first real town, full of nice new goodies.
And wonderful NPCs to fill us with hope.
The Iron Cutlass gives a small boost over the Mythril Bolo, though not enough for me to put down a thousand gold on it. I stick with the same weapons, though letting Edgar go Sword/Shield for extra evasion is probably the better idea for now.
Armor is more interesting. Defense-wise, the Hard Leather everyone starts with is the best, though Karate Gi boosts Vigor, Speed, and Evasion, while the Cotton Robe boosts Magic and gives nice Magic Defense boosts. The Hair Band also boosts magic, with the Plumed Hat giving up defense for evasion. Finally, the Iron Shield boosts defenses for a small speed penalty.
Terra gets the Hair Band and Cotton Robe, while Locke gets the Karate Gi.
Sprint Shoes aren't the "Move faster on map" accessory anymore. It's the new name of the RunningShoes/Hermes Sandals.
Auto-Haste, plus ten evasion. Edgar and his awesome tools gets this baby.
Relics can boost stats now in addition to their old effects.
* Goggles block Darkness (which is actually relevant since evade works here), boosts Defense by 5, and boosts Vigor and Stamina by 2.
* Star Ring blocks Poison, boosts Magic Defense by 5, and boosts Magic and Stamina by 2.
* Knight Cape lets the wearer protect near-death allies from physical attacks. To help with this, it boosts Evasion by 10, Vigor by 5, Speed by 3, and boosts your max HP by 1/8.
* Dragoon Seal changes Fight to Jump and can only be used by Edgar, Mog, and Gogo. It boosts Evasion by 20 and boosts Speed by 5 and Vigor by 3.
I snag a Knight Cape and give it to Edgar.
Look at those wonderful stat boosts!
Also, here's Shadow.
This guy acts like much less of a dick here.
But not here.
Next, Sabin's cabin.
Obligatory fart joke.
Anyway, blah blah blah Master Duncan is "dead" and Sabin went to Mt. Kolts to avenge him. It's on the way to Banon anyway so let's go!
Mt. Kolts is where the hack actually starts getting a bit difficult if you're unprepared.
Brawlers gained over a hundred HP, but in exchange their poison absorption turned into a weakness.
So Edgar rips through them.
+2 Speed, +10 Evasion, and +15 Attack. A nice upgrade for one of the Mythril Dirks.
Now up to a whopping 400 HP, with immunity to Ice and Wind. A bit tougher to take down unless you take advantage of their Fire weakness.
Boosts physical damage by 25%, and helps out a bit on that with +7 Vigor.
Condors gain a hundred HP and a Bolt weakness because Bird. Gale Cut fucking sucks. Meanwhile, Triliums doubled their HP, and gain an Ice weakness with their Fire one and a Poison absorption with their Water one.
Vaporites, first found in the Narshe Mines, went from 15HP to 100. They also lose their Ice weakness and gain Poison absorption instead.
They can also cast SlowX and Blind on your party. Pesky as hell, but not too threatening at this stage.
My problem is my inventory. The game doesn't give you a Tent here anymore, and I have no Sleeping Bags, three Phoenix Downs, and little in the way of healing statuses. This makes fighting Vargus fun.
The Bears are a bit sturdier, though they still have a Fire weakness. They aren't too bad, though.
Vargas, however, is a fucking terror to fight. No clue how much HP he has in this version before triggering the Sabin cutscene, but it's a lot.
Edgar and Terra can wreck him with his Poison weakness, but considering Vargas spams Gale Cut constantly, Terra's pretty much on multi-Cure duty, leaving the offense to Edgar and Locke (when Locke isn't dead and throwing Dried Meats everywhere.
My first attempt bombed.
I ran low on MP, so I actually used a Tincture. Crazy, I know!
Got an X-Potion from Vargas, which heals the entire party by 3/4 * MaxHP.
The second time, I managed to finally make it to Sabin.
You're a douche for killing your father, you know that?
Yeah, now it's time for Blitz.
If you regular attack first, you get instructions, then that fifteen-year-old South Park joke.
So let's punch him to death instead.
Maybe if you didn't suck, you would have learned that one.
This is your twin brother?
He looks like a freaking bear!
Are you here to join the Returners and all that crap?
So, Sabin. Claws also can be dual-wielded, with future claws being more focused on elemental damage, Yang-style.
Also, Sabin only starts with Pummel. He doesn't learn his next Blitz, Suplex, until L12.
But the wait will be worth it, because now Sabin can Suplex anything. Suck on that, realism.
Next time, Returners and Ultros and all that.