Part 22: Episode XXI: Kano
Episode XXI: Kano
Now where were we? Ah yes... The Spiderbot out of fucking nowhere. Of course.
The Spiderbot immediately releases some stink bombs before fleeing into the night. Since the only thing better than an AI controlled spider robot is a cowardly AI controlled spider robot.
In other news, if anyone can explain to me how the thing fit through that entryway, I'm all ears. I'm not even going to bring up the normal doorway just beyond it and several man-sized corridors inbetween. Just that entryway is all I'm curious about.
A brief bit of backtracking later...
Was it really necessary to briefly introduce the Spiderbot if they're just going to inevitably stick it in the main foyer anyway? Is there some unseen pointless cutscene element quota I am unaware of?
And so we have the stage boss, the ever originally named 'Black Widow'. If there is one word that sums up the Black Widow it would have to be 'predictable'.
It's primary method of attack is a huge laser cannon which causes a ton of damage if Vinnie takes a hit. Fortunately, the robot will stop, face Vincent's current position, charge up the cannon for three seconds, then fire in an upward arc.
The brilliant tactical maneuver of circle strafing works wonders here.
Other than that, it has a ramming attack. Which, much like the native Goombas of the Mushroom Kingdom, is easily avoided by stepping slightly to the left or jumping over. Hopping upon the cybernetic arachnid is not recommended.
Lastly, it climbs to the ceiling. Since, it is a spider you see. This allows it to piss on gravity and haul its steel frame to the ceiling in order to pepper scattered machinegun fire and more laser cannons. From the ceilings. Since it is a spiderbot, you see.
Of course, this has the unfortunate side effect of its gravity defying spider features crapping out with enough damage and the machine landing on its top. This reveals the critical design flaw of its bottom being constructed of some manner of metal toned paper mache.
The results can be less than desirable for the unit.
In any case, Vincent decides to celebrate his victory with an obligatory pose.
This is immediately followed by a woman running up and shoving her fist into his chest. My brother and his girlfriend did the same thing at the end of the last Super Bowl (big Giants fans.)
Russo proceeds to forcefully tear the Protomateria out of Vinnie's chest. You know... I'm not a doctor, but I would have to think having a radioactive magic sphere twice the size of a baseball poking around in your chest would probably have some slight medical repercussions... But, like I said, I'm no doctor.
No, I am always prepared for an enemy to one-shot me immediately following a boss fight, thus negating any sense of accomplishment from said battle. Of course, that preparation is usually only drummed up for shitty games. But, that's another story...
"I mustn't cry. I mustn't cry. I mustn't cry. I mustn't cry..."
"Crap! Took it too far."
"I mustn't turn into the embodiment of goth. I mustn't turn into the embodiment of goth. I mustn't turn into the embodiment of goth..."
So... The Protomateria thing isn't what turns Vincent into silly demons? He just sort of does that on his own? And Lucrecia saw it fit to just sort of use Vinnie as a mobile storage bin for the thing? And the guy is still infatuated with her?
If she's quick enough to completely get the jump on him and land a critical blow, wouldn't it make a lot more sense to just kill him outright and dig the materia out of him after the fact? Sure, sultry fake-accent Russian chick wants to get all kinky S&M on him, I'm sure. But, I'm pretty sure if a single guy killed hundreds of your men and kicked the shit out of two of your top lieutenants... it might be best to get rid of him as quickly as humanly possible.
Oh wait, we're dealing with Deepground. The same people who go on costly kidnapping raids just to kill those they capture anyway by dropping them into the Lifestream...on a planet where anyone who dies goes straight to the Lifestream... My mistake.
Ninja Hobo out of fucking nowhere!
The two have a quick exchange which is barely distinguishable due to the camera zooming and spinning all over the fucking place.
Followed by a deus ex machina flashbang grenade stuffed in
Vincent and
There it is. We've found it. The worst insult ever.
Russo rushes out the front door. Despite the fact the front was previously locked and is apparently guarded and they probably just went through the same way Vincent initially infiltrated.
"What?! I broke a NAAAAAAAAIIIIIILLLLLL!!!"
"Oh wait... They're made of steel... Nevermind."
"Barring that, I guarantee there will be a non-survivable wound within the next doz...two dozen! Yes."
In roughly one hundred more cutscenes from now...
Well, that finally does it for Stage 5. Stage 5... Stage 5?! I'm not even half way done with the game yet?! Son of a bitch!
I managed to rock everything's socks aside from the nearly random critical slot (surprise) and having to comb the mansion and basements for obscure documents. Oh, and the stealth mission based around standing and waiting. Thanks for grading me on time, guys.
Turtle genocide complete!
I tried using my limit break a load this time around to see if that would possibly raise Vincent's intelligence more. Nope. Still a tiny two point boost each level. I guess joining The Turks doesn't require anything above a high school degree.
And last up, P Cerberus gets a spiffy upgrade up to P Cerberus Gamma. Only one more upgrade until it'll be at its max level for this path. Which, might not mean a lot to you, but you're not the one slowly plinking away at enemies for five shots a piece, now are you?
Tune in Next Time For:
Further Proof Vincent Has No Taste in Women!!
Implications Hojo Got Laid!!
Annoying Returning Characters!!!
Bonus Movies:
Russo's Flawless Victory
Cutscenes Present: 2
Cutscenes Total: 76