Part 43: Episode XLI: Remember That One Time We Learned Nothing From a Flashback?

Episode XLI: Remember That One Time We Learned Nothing From a Flashback?


Well, that was nice of Nero to just hang back and watch. Wouldn't want to steal Azul's thunder.


"He appears to possess laser nipples... I'll have to watch out for that..."


"Shoryuken!"


Pictured: The face of an evil genius.

Nero decides to teleport away.


But, before doing so, he decides to ditch Shelke's cellphone. This undoubtedly signifies err... That she's dead or something? I think that's it. Shelke is dead! The game is officially 86% less creepy.


That's an odd ringtone. One that just happens to trigger yet another meandering flashback...

Fade into meandering flashback in 3... 2... 1...


Coming out of the closet was really a big deal back then. Weeks of preparation were required. It was like getting wed.

Lucrecia collapses to her knees because big evil Sephiroth is growing inside her and blah blah blah...we get it!


Unethical experimentation. Fiddling with harbingers of the apocalypse. Blue balling the hired help. Getting railed by Hojo. Yeah, I can see that taking the wind out of your sails a bit.

Hojo rolls on in. Though, they're still obscuring his face and failing to name him because...


"Oh wait. It's only you, Lucrecia. Forgive me. Rats and cumdumpsters have a similar squeak."
"I don't appreciate that talk."
"Our dialog last night begs to differ."



"You were never experimenting on him!"
"Sure I was. My hypothesis was the boy could survive being shot in the heart long enough for me to finish laughing about it. I was sadly mistaken. Ho ho ho!"


"Today's first order reads, let me adjust my glasses here... This shadow thing makes it so tedious to read. Ah yes. 'Order Dr. Crescent to remember speaking in a soft voice does not exempt one's self from being a total cunt.' Let's get started on that, shall we?"

Hojo checks what Lucrecia has been Googling.


"Sonic the Hedgehog fanfics? Shameful. Oh... Research..."



"How to retcon the most suck into a narrative. It's all clear now."


"Am I? Once a scientist, always a scientist, I must say. Tell me, doctor. Have you considered making him into a werewolf?"
"..."
"Oh, you are a filthy little whore for evil, aren't you?"


Vincent's lack of muscle mass and feminine build all suddenly make so much more sense.

Hojo laughs it up and wanders off.


"...it's a scientific investigation!"

The flashback decides to end here...


We return to Vincent, seemingly transformed back to his normal self by the shocking flashback revealing information which had already been covered in no less than two previous flashbacks.


And in the original Final Fantasy VII... And, really, Vincent was in a coma and underwater. He shouldn't 'remember' any of that!


Our hero finally connects the dots on a mystery that was resolved on around the third stage.


Vincent notices a cellphone by his side and stops moping long enough to investigate.


I guess Final Fantasy VII's continuity has cellphones as unique objects customized to the tastes of every user, instead of mass produced hunks of metal and plastic.


Thinking over the fact that the only thing that can be associated with the only marginally developed character in the game is a poorly rendered phone is interrupted by the elevator finally arriving.


To a gateway that looks like it would fit in as a prop in Pee Wee's Playhouse...


"Three years of hell below and a world of hell above. I think... That was what it was, right? Deepground was made three years ago? Or was it something else...? I feel like I'm forgetting something important."


Err...wasn't there like a front door that was easily accessible by reporters and firemen in the intro? Just saying...


Warning: Darkness may include copious amounts of lens flare.


And that does it for the stage. What a cliffhanger. Man. Deepground. Wonder what that's going to be like. Not like we've already been there with another character, or anything.


You know, your game might have balancing issues if I can sustain about five times my maximum HP in damage and still not ever die.


And I bet you all thought I was exaggerating on the number of mines in those insufferable elevator sequences.


I'd almost feel as though these stats had meaning if they weren't exactly raising by the same amount and all ending in the same number.


Having knowledge that the main weapon will frequently run out of ammo, the campaign to improve the Griffon continues (since face it. 90% of this game is in twenty foot long corridors and the rifle is worth fuck all.)

Tune in Next Time For:


Darkness!


Unorthodox transportation!!


Demons!!!

Bonus Content:

Stage Outro

Number of Cutscenes: 2
Total Cutscenes: 156