Part 29: Life's a beach

Chapter 29 - Life's a beach







Hahahaha seriously Hojo is fucking awesome.



At times like this, you must seriously stop and ask yourself some fundamental questions as to their personal habits.



For example, how does Cloud keeps his hair like that?



I mean, he's either straightening or using some gel.



Let's assume the gel hypothesis.



Did he buy wholesale in Midgar and packed it before leaving? Or is he buying it at every chance?



"Excuse me gentlemen, I must go to the bathroom."



Then he just pours the whole thing on his hair while looking at the mirror and asking himself...



"What are you doing Cloud? Why are you doing this to yourself?"



"Is this some sort of punishment?"



Now let's assume his hair isn't straight like this and he uses, gee I dunno, a straightening iron.



"Hey guys let's split... I'll go with Tifa and Aeris, you two go together."



...5 minutes later:

"Thank God they fell for that. They wouldn't understand you know. They never do."



You gotta love Hojo. He's a no bullshit man.



He's asking you to be a guinea pig while getting a tan surrounded by beautiful woman and still mocks you despite/because of the fact you have a huge-ass weapon and is all about hurr violence.



Aeris - "Here Cloud, I'll do it for you. Just sit. The guys are gonna complain we're late but they can wait some 30 minutes for this."



Who cuts their hair anyway? I mean, they all have the same haircut throughout the whole game. At some point Cloud has to trim his hair, shave his beard, etc.



Where do they clean their clothes? Can you imagine how they smell? We've crossed badlands, a marsh, went to a parade, not to mention the boat and the dolphin.



Can you imagine just how bad they smell?



Don't look at me that way, I'm just trying to enhance the experience for you. To make it real. To fill in the blanks.



Why don't we do it together? You're now gonna relax and breathe.



Try to smell the ocean. Hear the soft sound of the calm waves. Here, let me help you.

Please do it before proceeding.





Here's a fun question: How many of you thought of FF8 after opening the last video?




There's no need to lie. We're all geeks here.



Unless you mean lie as in lying down on your bed and chillaxing. Then it's ok.



I mean, people relax in different ways. Some people enjoy the stressful urban life.



Some enjoy live action role-playing with company executives in brothels.



Some enjoy getting a tan.



And some enjoy reading Let's Plays on the Internet.



It's all good.



Back to asking ourselves about the daily habits of our characters, we now know that Hojo only uses the same coat, which is great.



Because really, we don't want to see Hojo in a swimsuit, do we?



Creepy Cloud. Just creepy.





Can you feel the sexual tension between these two?



Of course you can't, you silly. They're just polygons.



We're still on our own so let's go to the bar, shall we?







Stop lampshading obligatory mini-games!



What would happen if you mixed Brazilian Internet laughter with Spanish?



AUJEUJAUJAUJEJUAUJAUJUJEUJAUJAUJEJUAUJA



Molotov is the upgraded version of Grenades and as usual are better than everything we have. The next upgrade is fairly close to us though, so we don't need to buy a lot. We buy it anyway.



Mukki!



That's... uh.... a disturbing thought great?



OH GOD SEE, SEE, I TOLD YOU.



THEY DO STOP TO PUT THEIR MAKE-UP. I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU.



Wait, is Barret wearing the marshmellow suit?



The cool thing about sleeping in Costa Del Sol is that an ocean wave sound actually plays together with the sleep music.



Once you sleep all the town events change and people are back in your party again.



Wow what a great, fun and original nickname!



Now here's something hard to believe. Can you imagine Rufus getting a tan? "Hey Heidegger let's go to the beach flirt some chicks."



And what is it? Impotence? Forums Cancer? YOU DECIDE.



Oh God



That's terrifying



How did she know that? Did he surface from the ocean with huge GOLD SAUCER tickets on his hand?

Screw that noise let's get out.



...Weebl?

Alright that's it guys, cya next Ti



DOUBLE UPDATE!




At distance, the Gold Saucer. I'm disappointed no one found it Photoshopped in one of the beach images from last update.



We follow through a dangerous (not really) path towards Mount Corel.



It's just next to Mount Adobe.



[Bolt Plume] drops from these birds. It functions as a one-time Bolt2-All. Because you don't really need materia to play this game.







We're on the right track again. Because, you know, game on rails etc.



Ah I just love when the sun turns green.



I love the design of this reactor. It just looks really fucking cool.



It's 100% unguarded though. I'm not sure why isn't Barret having a field day on this.



There's more or less a mini-game here. Sometimes the rails break and you are rewarded for NOT jumping, of course.



Because when you fall you get this option here. There's a treasure to the left and to the right.



One of them is a [Star Pendant] which we already have. The other is a [Wizard Staff], the DOUBLE weapon for Aeris.



We do also find a [W Machine Gun] which is the DOUBLE Growth weapon for Barret.





Has anyone noticed how LAZY Red XIII is?



(^___^) VV KAWAII DESU NE fuck you









Something of note is that around this are you hear a bird chirping sound. If you go up the wall you find this.



Please notice you're not taking the treasure. You're taking the DAMN treasure.



Hahahaha I should have goldened this.



She's of course referring to the treasure. Yuffie actually complains if you leave the treasure there.



Of course because we're not being evil enough, we also kill their mom. All for [10 Phoenix Down] we'll never use.



[Finishing Touch] is the most unsatisfactory limit in the game.



These bomb-like enemies are very interesting for a couple of reasons.

The first is that they grow every time you hit them. Once they grow enough, they'll just explode on you and deal terrible, terrible damage.

The second is that you can steal [Right arms] from them. [Right arm] is the next evolution of the [Grenade], except it works on EVERYONE and DEALS A FUCKLOAD OF DAMAGE. Oh did I mention they deal a SHITLOAD OF DAMAGE? No? Well maybe I should tell you they deal a BUTTLOAD OF DAMAGE.



Seriously it's ridiculous.



Going down that place you can get here. It's just another home of some very poor motherfucker whom we just steal random items from.





REDACTED.



Weeee.



Welcome to North Corel. The place with the most suggestive name in the game.



Suddenly the Midgar slums are looking pretty good eh?



Making things look shitty is an art in itself.



It's actually pleasant. It's so boring to make things look clean.



Makes you wonder how the artists who worked on Star Wars Prequels feel.



You know, Corel is a really boring place overall.




Its only redeeming factor is the fact that it actually links you to the coolest place in the game.



It's really contrasting.



Barret's subplot is kinda boring to me because I'm pretty sure he was directly OR indirectly responsible for more deaths in Midgar than the entire population of this small town in the middle of nowhere.



What matters is that we know Sephiroth was heading to the Gold Saucer, and this is where we're going to.









Well screw this city let's



nooo don't ask.

And with that EXCITING Cliffhanger we're done for today.


NEXT TIME:

Flashbacks! GOLD SAUCER! GOLD SAUCER! GOLD SAUCER!




Chapter 29 - Bugs & Bytes

Hidden treasure



There is a treasure in North Corel...



They call the rarest [Ether].



And it's been the ruin of many a 100% run.



And God I know you need to exploit their walking pattern if you want to get one.



Alternative: And God, I know, people would complain if I didn't show it once.