Part 2: Princess of OstiaChapter 1: Princess of Ostia
Aaand we're back! This chapter is pretty much where this hack dives off a cliff and over several sharks. Yes, in the first chapter.
We've got laziness leading to horrible implications about ten year olds!
Oh, but he's ten too, so I guess it's okay.
noun ˈkan-tən, -ˌtän
Definition of CANTON
: a small territorial division of a country: as
a : one of the states of the Swiss confederation
b : a division of a French arrondissement
Let it never be said that FIRE EMBLEM DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS OSTIAN PRINCESS is not an educational game.
For starters, it educates us in all the ways you can fuck up a palette swap. Look at that guy's undershirt, gah.
I thought Thria was a place the hacker made up at first, but it actually was in FE6. It was that place where you got ambushed by that shaman and you recruited Sue and saw Cath for the first time, remember? No?
Well apparently this hacker does.
Okay, no, the hacker just left dialogue unedited without thinking about it.
Woah, hey, Oswin! That's new! In vanilla FE7 you only got 2 recruits in this chapter, Kent and Sain (who Zack and Axel up there are dutifully standing in for.) It's neat that the hacker tossed in some old FE7/6 characters, even if the fact that his sprite is unedited makes no sense. Seriously, what timeframe is this? Oswin should be like, FE6 Marcus's age by now.
No, hold on, you can't just toss in 'For Ostia' to handwave the fact that Oswin is a throwaway boss now. He was actually a pretty major character in Hector's story in FE7! This is like if an FE8 romhack made Duessel a throwaway early game boss. What the hell?
And you didn't even bother changing any of this dialogue to fit! You just tossed in 'For Ostia!' That doesn't make it in-character!
I'd really like to be on the ruffians' side, actually.
And... this is a minor thing, but Zack? Not Zachary, or something? Zack doesn't sound like a very noble name, iunno.
Also, going by his map sprite, Axel is a bard. Not exactly likely to show us his might.
Well, let's check out the new guys. Zack has the same problem as Lilian where his little mini-sprite when you hover your cursor over him is a recolored version of the character he's replacing. I'm guessing it's because the hacker couldn't find mini-sprites for 10-year-old Lilina and Elbert, but it's still kinda lazy. Or at least unpolished.
Zack also has a new problem. See if you can spot it.
That's right. He has -- CON, which, from what I can tell, translates to '0'. He has 0 con. He is weighed down by every weapon in the game. He has high speed but his dumpster luck and apparently stick-thin arms means he won't be doubling or dodging anything. He also apparently has 0 defense, which isn't helpful when he has to facetank everything. On the positive side, despite his high stats he doesn't count as a promoted unit, meaning he won't be hogging any EXP.
Axel is the first character to actually have a proper mini-sprite. Good for him!
Despite his low con, he'll be doing a better job of doubling and dodging than Zack, because he at least has some at all. Also, note his class: not bard, Flute Mage. This is basically just a bard that uses Light Magic, but it does function properly and give him some added utility. We've gotten three characters so far and only one of them isn't broken on a fundamental level, mechanically speaking. What's Lilian's problem? We'll get to it in a bit.
Or, right now! Lilian moved forward and attacked the bandit closest to her. This netted her a (really shitty) level, but notice something. That HP number isn't right at all - she had 26 HP before the level.
Axel moves forward and 'plays' for Lilian. Since he uses mage sprites, that just means giving her the bird. Which energizes her to move again. Eh. Also, note the HP bar, and how small it is. Yep, Lilian basically just got -6 HP in a level up and nothing else.
Anyway, while that's going on, Zack moves into range of the Shaman...
And equips his light brand. His equipment and high STR are basically what keeps that '0 CON' thing from making him complete deadweight.
Lilian kills the bandit that ruined her HP score, and our turn is over.
The shaman takes a swing at Zack, barely makes a dent in his HP, and is then horrified by Zack's terrible sprite.
And on our turn, Lilian's HP... somehow... goes back to normal. Thankfully.
Zack celebrates by killing the shaman.
Lilian moves in range of both of the other bandits with Axel's help.
And decides she doesn't like the topmost one.
So she fries him with a crit. Thanks for saving a Bolt use, Lilian.
She facetanks the other guy, then fires off two Bolts in response. I really need to be more conservative with Bolt, but I keep forgetting its uses are so low.
Anyway, with the mooks dead, let's see if Oswin's stats and info screen can explain anything about why he's a throwaway boss. Answer: No.
I want to give Axel the kill, since I'm scared another level might ruin Lilian's HP score again, and Zack is about as good as he's going to get due to his fucked up CON score. So let's just end the turn without moving the other two.
Hey, you ever notice this? In the config screen, where you change window colors, the little icon next to CONFIGURATION changes based on your window color! The default gives you a stylized dragon...
Orange gives you a sword...
Purple gives you... I'm honestly not sure.
And green gives you some flowers. I like flowers, so I pick green. That sure is a calming window color, isn't it?
THERE IS NO END TURN COMMAND.
None. You can't end your turns without moving every unit, and you have to play the game with 'autoend turns' on. If that option didn't exist, we'd have been stuck in the prologue for eternity.
I... why? How? How did this happen? I didn't even know it was possible to remove menu commands like that! Like, FEGirls added some, but I didn't know you could surgically remove END TURN from the game. What? Why? Was this an accident? If so, how do you not notice and fix it? If it was on purpose, then why? I don't... help...
That doesn't explain anything, game!
Anyway, Oswin is rocking a Killer Lance. If this were vanilla FE7, this'd be a pretty dick move, but luckily we have two mages who can just poke at him from range. No sweat.
Also at some point Lilian's HP went back to 20. I don't know.
That isn't proper grammar, I'm pretty sure. Lilian sets Oswin up...
And Axel knocks him down.
Yeah, I seriously don't know either.
Also, Axel's the only knight, Zack is a marquess. Get it right, Lilian.
Okay, so do either of you guys have an explanation for why Oswin became Oslost?
I can't even begin to describe the levels on which this doesn't make sense.
So I won't.
NEXT TIME: I don't really know, to be honest.