Part 121: Chapter the Third: Power outage.
Chapter the Third: Power outage.October 1, 2021-November 1, 2021
We're still not getting on TV very much. I don't know why that is, our club reputation is now rated at the highest category, Worldwide, and we're behind just the megabastards and Tottenham (aka "mini-megabastard") in total reputation. Meanwhile, through our first seven games we'll be on television for Premier League matches just twice- or three times less than Liverpool. It's a little frustrating, we need that live TV revenue considering that we're always going to have lower turnover than the clubs that can pull 40k plus to games. It's not like we don't have star players, either, we have fifteen players with Continental reputations. We don't yet match the Megabastards for household names, but we certainly have higher reputation players than lowly Liverpool.
More than half our jerseys are being sold overseas now, I'm guessing this is the Mujkic/Bastable effect, along with the fact that the game counts Scotland (Shirra and Mair) as overseas. We've only got one Welshman on the team right now, Chris Todd. I've got a medium term plan to remedy that, though. The great Shaun Davies is now into his early thirties, and still a potent attacking force despite his age. His contract with Real Madrid runs out in 2 years. If our finances are healthy enough I'm going to look into bringing him back home for the twilight of his career. The jersey sales alone should cover his six figure a week salary.
Joy. A televised game against one of the best teams in the world, at their stadium. It's one of four games I think we should be rightly considered underdogs for on our whole league fixture list. Why doesn't England want to watch us play West Brom on the telly?
vs. Chelsea, October 3, 2021
Premier League
Oh, you think I've forgotten about how you thrashed us in the preseason? I will make you pay for that, сволочь. You're against our first team this time.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak (c), Laux, Todd, Suslov, Mair, Petts, Nieddu, Shirra, Mujkic, Bastable.
Subs: El Sayed, Pejkovic, Feruga, Morvan, Julio, Matko, Cardozo.
Chelsea rip us apart for the first twenty minutes, beating us over and over again on the counter. They get on the scoreboard when our gigantic German centerback panics under pressure and clears the ball directly into our net for an own goal after 17 minutes. We pick ourselves up and go back to dominating the match, but after an hour we're still down one nil. I put in El Juez, seeking a late game spark, but despite pushing Chelsea to the edge we can't unlock their defense and go down to our first league defeat of the season. The loss is extremely frustrating, we outplayed Chelsea for 3/4ths of the game and deserved at least a draw, but we weren't putting our shots on target. It's also the first time we've been held scoreless going back to May 4th.
Wrexham 0-1 Chelsea
Feruga had two vesting clauses in his transfer deal, the first one here is an extra two-hundred grand when he plays 10 international games, and the next is when he plays his fiftieth competitive match for Wrexham.
They can only beat Trinidad and Tobago 1-0 on friendly turf? Hah! Fire the loser, hire the king!
England is going back to the World Cup, having won it's group handily. Wales is not, finishing a point back of 2nd placed Turkey and two points back of 1st placed Switzerland in their group. Scotland also finished third in their group, the golden generation hasn't quite arrived yet for the Scots. But the biggest surprise in qualifying is that Die Mannschaft will be staying home.
Germany was in a group with France, Latvia, Iceland, Finland, and Malta. There was no way they should be looking at anything worse than a playoff against another second placed team. In a complete shock, it's Iceland who's in the playoff with a chance to go to Qatar next summer. This is the first time Germany has ever failed to qualify for the World Cup, and the old saw that Soccer is “22 men running around for 90 minutes and at the end the Germans Win” has been reworked by intertube (trademark Applezoncast, 2019) wags as “22 men running around for 90 minutes and then the Germans go home.”
I'm surprised it took Shirra so long to get on the scoresheet for Scotland, but it's probably because they're playing him in a deeper midfield role than we do. Shirra spends his time at the club in an entirely offensive trequartista role where he basically looks for open space while the rest of the team tries to get the ball back so that he can the defense's life hell when we regain possession, it's how he racks up so many goals and assists. But at the same time since he's looking for open space when we're on defense he provides very little in that half of the game for us. Scotland are using him as a distributing midfielder, meaning his responsibilities for country are much different than those for club.
What a shock, Liverpool's on TV again. So are we, I guess I shouldn't gripe.
They're going to get drummed out without winning a point. Stupid communists running the USA Soccer program.
Welcome back, El Gaucho. It's going to take him several weeks to get back to full speed, so we'll take it slow.
At Manchester City, October 16, 2021
Premier League
City will be our toughest challenge to date. They've shipped only two goals to date, but we're by a fair margin the best offensive squad in the league. We now sit 2 points back of Arsenal and one back of United on the table, any points here would be a draw that I am happy with.
Starting Formation: 4-4-1-1 Counter
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak (c), Laux, Feruga, Suslov, Matko, Morvan, Petts, Mujkic, Shirra, Bastable.
Subs: El Sayed, Pejkovic, Todd, Mair, Nieddu, Taborda, Cardozo.
Kovacevic earns his wages early, as we again start a game slow and disjointedly. Man City slices us up several times and we're forced to scramble to keep them from going up. The early jolt does wake us up, and the defense firms up to prevent any more City chances, but they're stifling our counter. Bastable especially is awful, unable to find any space and looks bereft of ideas going forward, while Shirra can't get free of his marker to create anything. I once again bring on El Juez for a late boost, but the final twenty minutes see City turn up the heat as they hunt for the elusive winning goal. Neither side can find it, and our often porous defense did their job ably while our now seemingly stoppable force whacked into their immovable wall. Oleg Suslov is named man of the match for his efforts, but Kovacevic was just as deserving the title.
Man of the Match: Oleg Suslov
Man City 0-0 Wrexham
It is an impressive defense, but I can't help think that they were lucky to catch us in a poor run of form. None of the last three teams we've played are pikers by any means, but we'd previously dropped three goals on Man United and four on Olympique Marseille.
Nope. You're only 20, you'll get your chance in time. But I'm not going to Mourinho myself by sending you off for seasoning just to discover I desperately need a striker.
vs. Schalke 04, October 20, 2021
Champions League, Group B
Schalke is a club located in western Germany. They had their greatest run of success in the 1930s, leading an English paper to proclaim a few years back that Hitler was a supporter. That didn't go over very well. They're having a rough start to their season, and are only 12th in the Bundesliga. Two more wins should be enough to move us onto the next round, but we're at home so there's some rotation to keep the legs fresh. At this point the only player who are serious downgrades from their starting eleven counterparts are Mejasic, Julio, and Matko, and all three are good enough to be regulars for most Premier League teams.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: El Sayed, Pejkovic, Laux, Todd (c), Mejasic, Mair, Julio, Matko, Nieddu, Taborda, Cardozo.
Subs: Kovacevic, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Dixon, Petts, Mujkic, Aarts.
We have developed a very bad habit of getting caught snoozing when the game starts. Schalke takes the lead before five minutes is up when Matko gets robbed of the ball by an enterprising Schalke forward, who is able to then avoid Todd's challenge and score. El Juez dockets his reply 90 seconds later, and we're back to 1-1, but can't build his case further when he misses an open net chance from range at the twenty minute mark. We spend forty minutes of the first half knocking on the door, but can't get anything to fall.
When the game restarts the ref realizes that he has a mortgage to pay and some Singaporean gangsters who want to help him pay it, and gives Schalke a ludicrous, unconscionable, uncontrovertably insane penalty. They convert, and we're down 2-1. We respond by hitting each of the posts, and by bringing on Petts and Mujkic to try to salvage the game. It doesn't work. We lose a match we should have won or at least drawn, thanks to the diabolical machinations of a striped shirt. If I could have gotten sent to the showers for coming onto the pitch and spitting all over him while using every last curse word I can pull from the depths of my memory, I would have. That's a feature that needs to be added. Marseilles beats Valencia, and our group of evenly matched teams is level across the board at four points.
Wrexham 1-2 Schalke
Hey, ref, how were you able to pay cash up front for that nice new condo? I hope you're letting your Singaporean gangster friends crash on the couch, since they paid for it.
Your silence in the face of this travesty won't restore our lost point!
At least I have the moral victory. As if that's worth anything.
We've won one of our last five games, and our offense has sputtered to almost nothing. How can y'all be happy with this performance? Stop diddling with your iBrains and pay attention!
At Liverpool, October 23, 2021
Premier League
When everything is falling to shit, it's time to go back to basics. I'm breaking out the 4-4-2. Liverpool, who are having another awful year, sit just outside of the relegation zone. It's a good chance to get back to our winning ways.
Starting Formation: 4-4-2 Standard
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Cirjak (c), O'Hanlon, Feruga, Suslov, Matko, Morvan, Shirra, Mujkic, Cardozo, Bastable.
Subs: El Sayed, Mejasic, Pejkovic, Dixon, Petts, Julio, Aarts.
The first half sees nothing doing, we both have our chances and don't take them. The woodwork sees a lot of actions on both ends of the pitch, deflecting near misses away from glory. Liverpool goes ahead eighteen seconds into the second half, and we respond with a flurry of good play that presses them deep into their own area and scrambling to hack our shots off the line. That all ends when they catch our defense napping and score a second goal. It's an awful loss, and after being a juggernaut the first two months of the season our offense has entirely vanished. El Juez was especially bad, but the effort was all around terrible and no one should be happy with how they played.
Liverpool 2-0 Wrexham
Damn right I tore them a new one. We haven't gone five games without a win since 2018. Back then it was because we were adjusting to a higher level of play, not because we suddenly forgot how to put the ball in the back of the net.
vs. Blackburn Rovers, October 26, 2021
Capital One Cup, Fourth Round
If we can't get a win here, we're well and truly screwed. While a loss would mean one fewer competition to focus on, and thus more rest time, that's a losers mindset. I'm the me-damned God-King of Wales, I am here to win every trophy there is and some that will have to be invented just to reward me.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: Kovacevic, Pejkovic, Feruga (c), Todd, Mejasic, Mair, Petts, Nieddu, Julio, Taborda, Aarts.
Subs: El Sayed, Cirjak, O'Hanlon, Dixon, Matko, Cardozo, Bastable.
Our possession play is keeping a good hold of the match, but once again we're not getting our shots on target. It results in a poor first half; Blackburn has just three shots but two were big chances due to mistakes by our players. As play proceeds I can see our team getting frustrated and taking more long shots instead of breaking down opposition to create chances in dangerous areas. At the hour mark I bring on the Bastard for an ineffective Aarts, and slide Nieddu to a central position behind him. Ten minutes later I have to use my third substitution when Taborda is tackled in the penalty box. It's a reckless tackle from behind that gets the ball first but also gets Taborda. He goes down clutching the same ankle he broke not four months ago and has to come off, replaced by his slumping countryman Cardozo. There's no chances for Blackburn in the second half, but they've forced us to extra time.
It's there that things go from bad to worse, with Dinko Mejasic forgetting that he's not allowed to earn a second yellow card in extra time, and leaves us with 10 men for the final seventeen minutes of the game. My luck with going down a man is still a thing, though, because when a goal comes it's from Nieddu and for us, with just 3 minutes left before the game would be sent to a penalty kick shootout. We survive, despite showing virtually nothing on offense all game long and all three strikers, Aarts, Bastable, and Cardozo, having bad days at the office. I call out the team for poor play despite the win, but credit the defense for keeping Blackburn off the board even after going a man down. My dyspeptic postgame talk receives mixed results, some players look deeply inspired and others look downright ready to murder me.
Man of the Match: Richard Petts
Wrexham 1-0 Blackburn
Mejasic is earning yellow cards at an even faster pace than he was last season, as if he's making up for lost time now that he's a backup.
You're seriously wondering why I fined you?
Stop earning constant yellow cards, or you're out of the club come next summer.
Not as bad as it could have been. Taborda isn't considered injury prone but he'll have spent about 80% of his time since joining the club in the trainers room by the time he heals from this injury. In this case he reinjured his ankle, which can happen when players are still rebuilding their match fitness after coming back from a prior injury.
Both of our Argentinian wonderkids got hurt last game. Cardozo's injury is fairly minor, but it leaves us thin at left wing. Mujkic better be ready to play every minute of every game for the next two weeks.
He can sleep when he's dead. Or when we aren't playing two matches a week. I'm going to get more and more of these reports as the season goes on, but we have no choice but to fight through it.
Meanwhile Arsenal, Tottenham, and Chelsea are all facing lower division opponents in the quarterfinals. So even if we get past City we're going to be up against excellent opponents for as long as we're in the competition. Stupid League Cup. If I weren't trying to win everything I'd just run out a youth squad and get us knocked out to preserve our legs.
The Bastard has looked bereft of ideas over the last five games, not scoring and only logging one performance that could charitably be referred to as mediocre. He's missing the target a lot more than he usually does, and seems to have lost his confidence. Let's see if we can change that.
I got your back, Rock. I know you'll pull through. Because I know you understand what I'll do to you if you don't.
vs. West Bromwich Albion, October 30, 2021
Premier League
West Brom must be happy to have us in the league, it means they don't start the season in dead last. They must also be salivating at the prospect of playing us right now, given our stooped form. That being said, they're now in dead last, and haven't won a match yet. Given the struggle that Blackburn put up, I don't want to take them too lightly.
Starting Formation: 4-2-3-1 Control
Starting 11: El Sayed, Cirjak (c), Laux, O'Hanlon, Suslov, Dixon, Morvan, Nieddu, Shirra, Mujkic, Bastable.
Subs: Kovacevic, Pejkovic, Todd, Petts, Julio, Matko, Aarts.
That heart to heart with the Bastard immediately pays off, just 25 seconds into the match he latches onto a Shirra long ball and busts out of his slump. That doesn't mean all is well with our offense again, as he proceeds to miss two more chances while Meteor squanders another. But West Brom just aren't in our league, and Bastable adds a second goal with a rocket header from a corner not long past the half hour. We keep bursting the Baggies defense just to let them off the hook with weak finishing, but at least 50% of our shots are on target this time around. Youth system product Alex O'Hanlon scores his first goal for the senior team with an impressive finish from a rebound after another corner late in the game to seal it for us.
It's a much better performance, but we were still wildly profligate with our chances. 9 clear cut chances and 6 half chances should result in more than three goals, the research on expected goals for “big chances” I've read suggests that clear cut chances should be converted about 50% of the time. That's a slightly different metric than the game uses, and “clear cut chances” are probably less likely to convert than their real life counterpart, but we still should have scored at least one or two more goals. Rocky Bastable was able to answer his critics with two goals, but still gave them something to harp on by whiffing on four other chances.
Man of the Match: Rocky Bastable.
Wrexham 3-0 West Brom
Our team personality is “very determined.” So why do I feel like we're lacking mental toughness? I'm hoping that the West Brom match was exactly the type of win we needed to get back on track. Our defense also seems to be gelling, while our offense remains questionable even with three goals scored against West Brom, we conceded just five goals in the last six games, and had three shutouts. That needs to continue if our offensive power outage doesn't abate.
The Champions League group looks exactly as expected, four evenly matched teams sitting at four points. We top the group thanks only to every team having lost a game at home and our slightly better goal differential. With three games remaining any team could advance, get knocked down to the Europa League, or get knocked all the way out of continental competition.
