Part 9

Excuse my friend. He's been under a lot of stress lately. Self-employment, you know? It gets rough sometimes. Anyway, we'd be more than happy to take your mon-...I mean, to help nurture your kids.
Thank you. I will be telling my children of you when they are grown. They will know that they were being raised on your filth.
...yeah. Don't bother. Just the cash will be fine, thanks.



That'll come in handy. Good thing the Sanitation Police didn't show up, huh?
I'M NOT MAKING IT UP!
Sure you aren't. Anyway, I'd better go wash my hands after that. Don't wanna get busted by the Hygiene Rangers.
Hold it right there!
Uh...



This is the Sanitation Police! You are guilty of illegal waste disposal!
...you have got to be fucking kidding me.
By Imperial Law, the dumping of raw sewage in this area is strictly forbidden. The penalty is a fine of 23,200 kubars. You will disengage your thrusters and submit your identification immediately.



Well fancy that.
This is utter bullshit. I refuse to even acknowledge that this happened.
You'll try, I bet. But then you'll wake up in the night, haunted by the ghosts of twenty-three thousand kubars, and you'll know it did.





HISTORY OF MIRA
As far back as 1,000 B.B., Mira was awash in religious and spiritual energy. The native creatures of Mira, the Quaso Mutta, are gelatinous blobs who spend days sitting on the green sandstone plains, vibrating with Jaalesh (spiritual energy). Their life is spent communicating in silence to the non-material world. The Quaso Mutta would have gone on in their silent prayers uninterrupted if it had not been for one man; Lily Slimwagon.

In 490 B.B., after being released from an Imperial Mental Institution, Lily Slimwagon, the infamous coloniser, claimed that he had received telepathic messages calling him back to Kukubia. Against Imperial orders, which forbade him from ever setting foot in Kukubia again, Lily organised an expedition to return to the Colonies.

Lily's ill-fated expedition made several blunders, and he very nearly starved to death before arriving on Mira. There, Lily encountered the Quaso Mutta. These strange, silent creatures vibrating on the barren sandstone filled Lily with awe. Unable to control his emotions, he broke down and wept, begging them to forgive him for his past sins. Of course, the Quaso Mutta ignored Lily's ranting and raving, but this didn't make a bit of difference.

Lily had found what he was looking for. He proclaimed Mira the holiest planet in all of Gogg. After repairing his damaged ship, Lily began his long journey around the galaxy, preaching the holy word of the Quaso Mutta. Soon, thousands of pilgrims began travelling to Mira in search of these mystical vibrating creatures. The word spread, and the planet became known as a holy site. Churches began to spring up all over Mira.

Various religious orders took form. Some of the orders preached the art of meditation, while others sought to use the Quaso Mutta as oracles to predict the future. The most renowned of the sects was the Grand Sages of Mira, who interpreted the vibrations of the Quaso Mutta to predict such famous events as Bass Nicolson's victory over the Pirates of Zile and the downfall of the Hapa Jillo Empire. Of course, to the Quaso Mutta, none of this mattered.

After years of preaching and travelling, Lily finally returned to Mira. But Mira had changed. It was no longer the serene, quiet home of the Quaso Mutta. It was now a bustling planet filled with thousands of pilgrims, temples and shrines. Because of the rapid change in the ecology of Mira, the majority of the Quaso Mutta silently died off. The few left alive were kept locked inside the churches as sacred oracles.

The sight of all this made Lily suddenly realise that he had succeeded in destroying another civilisation. In his horror, he fled Mira, promising never to return to Kukubia again.

Mira continued to grow in popularity until it became a sort of institution throughout Gogg. Even Supreme Commander Dred Nicolson now pays his respects to the Sages of Mira, and asks for advice on everything from personal matters to politics.

Unlike most other cults and religious sects, the Grand Sages were truly compassionate and learned monks. It is only because of the Grand Sages that the Quaso Mutta were not totally wiped out. The sages took the time to learn from and understand the Quaso Mutta. This became the source of their power, and it allowed them to obtain an insight into how the non-material universe functions, and the ability to influence the course of future events.





Hmm. Not a great turnout on the passenger front.
We'd probably get more if we lowered the ticket prices. A thousand kubars might be a bit steep.
No way. 1,000 is standard for this kind of thing. I checked. Besides, it could just be a fluke. We'll give it a few weeks, see how it goes.



Sirs? Forgive me, but I'm afraid that some concerns have begun to manifest among the crew regarding the issue of salaries, sirs.
What about them?
Well...ah...you haven't been paying us, sirs.
We haven't?
No, sir. To my estimate, we are currently owed over 60,000 kubars in back pay, sir.
That much? I thought you said you were going to handle wages, Tark'la?
Uh...yeah. Well. See, uh...hmm. I guess it just kinda slipped my mind?
I'm terribly sorry to be so presumptuous, sirs. I did not wish to raise a fuss about it, but unfortunately, the rest of the crew do not appear to share my sentiments, sirs. Hence the ultimatum.
Ultimatum?
Yes, sir. They permitted me five minutes to explain the situation to you, after which it is their intention to break down the door and jettison you both, sir.
...
...
Might I advise preparing a better explanation than "It slipped my mind", sir?
I'm working on it.



Okay. I think we got that cleared up.
What did you tell them?
Heh. Gave 'em this big sob story about one of my sons having cancer. Totally improvised, totally false, and I still had some of 'em reaching for the tissues. Am I good or what?
...
"Yeah, my little boy is at death's door and desperately in need of treatment, but that's still no excuse for not paying you. I'm sorry, everyone."
"Oh no, Mr. Tark'la, we understand. Maybe just this once we can let it go."
Do you have any concept of shame? At all?
Sure. I just have a bigger, clearer concept of "not being thrown out of an airlock."
Ugh. Just don't let this happen again, alright? If we put off paying them for too long, they'll go on strike.
Yeah, then what? Couple of weeks and they'll come crawli-
And then, the Labour Union will force us to pay whatever we owe them and raise their salary by 500 kubars per person.
...okay, see, that is a compelling argument.
Well good. I'm glad to see you can't be swayed by silly things like honesty or integrity.
Those sound nice. Can you sell them?



Still. 4 crew members at 1,500 kubars each, so...six grand a week. I guess we can manage that.
And we're only establishing this about ten weeks after the fact. Suddenly I'm not so impressed with your forward planning.
Hey. Did I say we could manage it or not?
Yes, but-
Then shush.