Part 10
HISTORY OF XEEN
Xeen is one giant junkyard filled with spare parts and brilliant mechanics. Xeen got its start after the Great Bass Nicolson (Dred's grandfather) defeated the Hapa Jillo Empire. Bass needed some place to dump all of his old and battered battleships. Since Xeen wasn't a very hospitable planet and had no native intelligent life forms, it seemed the natural place for a junkyard. As time went on, everyone began dumping their garbage on Xeen.
Out of this trash heap sprung an entire industry focused on repairing and rebuilding machines. Xeen is now the central location for all ship repairs, upgrades and construction in Kukubia. The mechanics on Xeen are so ingenious that they are constantly coming up with new inventions and ways of improving upon existing technology. This has made Xeen into a vital part of the Kukubian economy, and the only planet where you can find things like a rebuilt toaster that doubles as a toothbrush.
I can't do this.
Dude. Relax. It's just one photograph. One. Photograph. It's not a big deal. You've had your picture taken dozens of times.
That was different. Those were school photos. Holiday photos. Small, personal things. They weren't going to be seen by hundreds of thousands of people.
So what's the problem? You're not deformed. You're not fat. You're not naked. You look fine. Why are you so nervous about people looking at you? Worried about the size of your crest or something?
MY CREST IS A PERFECTLY NORMAL SIZE!
...
...for my height, I mean. It's average.
Maybe a little below average.
...you know, they can tweak that in processing.
Can they?
Oh yeah. We can get 'em to add a few inches. Nobody has to know.
I can't ask, though. I'd be too embarrassed. You have to ask.
Fine. Whatever. Can we do this already?
Okay.
Hey there. Listen, it's a little awkward for me to bring this up, but my friend over there is having a few issues about his crest. Size. If you know what I mean. Think you can do something about that?
Oh. Uh...geez. Well. Have you talked to him about it? Told him that size isn't everything?
Huh?
Maybe they make some kind of pill? I couldn't say. I'm not a doctor.
No no! I'm not looking for advice. I was just thinking you could, you know, touch it up a bit.
...I don't know. He's not really my type.
What?
Well, okay, I guess it has been a while. But I'm going to want dinner first, at least.
The photo. I want you to touch up the photo so that it looks like he has a bigger crest than he actually does. Comprende?
Ohhh! Yeah, we can do that. No problem.
Thank you.
It does cost extra, though.
...ah.
I'm still not sure I see any difference.
Well...y'know. We're always most critical of our own photographs, right?
Are we?
Yeah. Somebody totally said that. I dunno who. Anyway, it definitely looks bigger to me.
I don't know. Maybe I'll just see if they can make it a little-
No!
...why not?
Uh...well. You don't want to overdo it, you know? Then it's just gonna be obvious that it's fake. Gotta keep it subtle.
But it's barely even noticeab-
Subtle, Slev.
See? Now we've got a full house of passengers even though we raised the ticket prices.
And a better haul at the marketplace. All because of a magazine ad. Told you it'd be worth it.
I never said it wouldn't be worth it. I just said I didn't want to do it.
Yeah, well. Just try not to let anyone see you up close from now on, alright? God forbid people learn that your freakish cranial growth is a little on the short side.
Anyway, I think we'll just stick with this for now. No point splashing out on the more expensive stuff until we can get a bigger cargo hold or whatever.
Wow. That almost sounded conservative.
Hey. Considering what I had to do to get you to pose for one friggin' picture? I think I can stand to wait for your TV debut.