Part 16

Okay. I think it's time.
Time for what?
Time for us to enter the playground of the elite, my man. The great exchange. Land of bulls, bears and dead cats.
...
The stock market, Slev.
Yes, I know what you're talking about. I'm just wondering if you actually know the first thing about stocks.
Um, yeah. Buy high, sell low. Easy.






Wait, did I get that backwards?
Here's an idea. How about we learn to swim this time before diving in at the deep end?





Where exactly are we going?
I've set us up with a stock broker. She's going to show us the ropes, maybe give us some advice on what to invest in.
...we're not gonna have to pay for this, are we?
No actually I found this guy giving away slaves who happen to have an extensive knowledge the stock market of course we're going to have to pay for it.
How much?
1% on any shares we buy or sell. Will that be alright, or should we see if we can haggle her down?
...
Okay. That's, uh...that's not a serious question.
Is it?



Hi. Who the hell are you?
Um...I'm Slev and this is Tark'la. We did arrange to meet with-
Oh, right right right. I remember. The virgins.
What?
Never traded stocks before?
Oh! Er, no. We haven't.
Right. Three things I tell all virgins. One, the stock market does not use protection, ever. Don't fuck with it until you're ready for the consequences. Two, even when you are ready, sometimes it likes to break out the whip. You are going to take some abuse no matter what, so get used to it.
Three, Nicolson is an asshole.
Why's that?
Him and his goddamn mandates. New regs say you only get one chance a week to buy stock, and nobody can invest more than half their money at a time. Damn near ran me out of a job.
Anyway. Let's head down to the exchange and we'll get those cherries popped.



Just so we're clear, you at least know "buy low, sell high", right?
*I* do, yes.
Good. Now, most important thing to know about stocks, besides what I told you earlier? It's all based on momentum. You might be looking at this and thinking "Oh, that looks like it's going up. That's a good investment."
It isn't. Sure, it went up this week, but only after going down last week. Might keep going up. Might go limp and disappoint you. It's 50-50.



Now look at the Nosh exchange. Big, stiff upward trend going there. That's a good investment, because the more the market goes up, the more chance that it'll keep going up.
But! Eventually it's going to take a dip. Soon as that happens, all that momentum is lost, and from there it's 50-50 again. That's when you want to think about selling it.
Think about selling it. 'Cause hey, you never know, it might pick up again. Nothing worse than blowing your load early and then finding out there was plenty more where that came from. But if it starts trending downwards, definitely cash in as soon as you can. Momentum works both ways.
Speaking of which, if a planet's market ever hits zero and you're still holding shares in it? Say goodbye to your investment. It's gone. Forever.
So. My advice for now? Get to Nosh and get some. Any questions?
I'd just like to say that I really wasn't happy with your choice of metaphor.
Hey, my husband's been away on business for three months. I guess I'm a LITTLE BIT FRUSTRATED.










Oh man. Would you look at this? We are rocking the house. Rocking it. And soon we'll have ourselves some of that sweet Nosh action and we'll be rocking it even harder. Things are on the up and up, my friend.
For now, yes. Let's just hope-
Slev. So help me. If you ruin this moment with your pessimist, paranoid crap, I am going to do something very unprofessional.
Look at the line. Okay? The line is us. The line is going upwards. When the line is going upwards, it means we are doing well. So just for a minute, focus on the line, forget about everything else, and be happy.
...
Okay.
That's more like it! You know we've got this by the balls, Slev. Nothing can stop us now.



Nothing.