The Let's Play Archive

Gazillionaire Deluxe

by Didja Redo

Part 29


No. I'm sorry, but you'll have to go elsewhere. I'd suggest a rehab clinic.






shit
Shitshitshit
SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT
YOU GODDAMN COCKTEASES
YOU FUCKIN'
I'LL KILL
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH



...
Huh. All things considered, he didn't take that too badly.
Very funny.
What makes you think I'm kidding? Water withdrawal is pretty damn harsh, you know.





Incoming transmission, sirs.
We're popular this week.



Mm-hmm.
This is Slev, Tark'la & Sons. How can we-
Can you feel the heat?
Excuse me?
It's okay. Don't fight it.
The heat is good.
...
Okay. What do you think this guy's on?
Check it. R.J. Raffety makin' some chilli.
Con carne.
Now chilli con carne need two things; heat and meat. RJ got heat. Now he gotta get some meat. Y'all with him?
No.
My man. R.J. Raffety wanna buy your shares.
Shares? You mean, like, on the stock market?
Right on. He gonna pay whatever they worth, plus 15%. Gotta get some heat on that meat.
Right. One second.



What do you think?
Seems like a good offer to me. We were probably about to sell it anyway, weren't we?
Yeah. And it'll save us having to go to Bass later. Or having to pay our broker anything. Not really seeing a downside.
...it sounds like your mind was already made up, then. What did you put him on hold for?
'Cause he was giving me the creeps.



You have yourself a deal.
Right on.
On a separate note, R.J. Raffety literally makin' some chilli.
Spare some cayenne?






Naw?
Cool.





It's just as well we did sell to that guy. Looks like there's a bear market going.
You mean a bull market.
No, the prices are going down. That's a bear market.
...are you sure?
I think so.
You know what? It's time we came up with some new terminology. This "bear and bull" shit never made any sense anyway. Bulls don't go up.
It doesn't have to make sense. It's just something people say. It's lingo.
Yeah, and it's confusing. There's no implied meaning, you know? They even begin with the same letter. Too easy to get 'em mixed up.
So. From now on, when the market's going up, it's a bird market. When it's going down, it's...uh...a mole market? Yeah, that works. Birds fly up, moles dig down. Simple.
If you're going to do that, why not just call it an "up market" and a "down market"?
...
Dick.
That wouldn't work. They can go either way.
Shut up.



Hey. Are you sober?
Oui.
Are you available?
Oui.
Will you work on our engine this week?
Non.
Okay. Can we hire someone else? Seriously. It's a whole planet full of mechanics. There has to be someone else.
Yes, but not all of them work on ships. And out of the ones that do, not all of them do the kind of work we want. And it's one planet of mechanics to six planets of people who need mechanics.
Fine. Could you at least try not to leave any questionable stains on the chairs this time?
I promise nothing, monsieur.








OGGLLLLLLLE
...
...
...
...
...sand?
Yeah. Thanks. Real quick on the uptake there.
I didn't realise that was a thing that we did.
It wasn't. And I guess it won't ever be. Thanks a bunch.





Incoming transmission, sirs.



Hello. Is this Slev, Tark'la & Sons?
That's us.
Oh, good. I'm so sorry to trouble you. My name's Limpus. I read about your company in the news recently and...well, I simply had to get in touch with you.
Wait, what? We've been on the news?
Oh yes, sir. Didn't you know? There was a report on you in the Financial Times. "Slev and Tark'la, two businessmen who lost everything in a terrible bandit attack, come back stronger than ever before. A classic story of Kukubian gumption." I dare say you're becoming quite famous.
Wow.
Heh. Well, I guess it was only a matter of time. Not to blow our own trumpet or anything. So, uh, what can we do for you?
Well, I realise that you run a very successful business...
Uh-huh.
And I understand that you are both highly skilled and intelligent men...
Aw shucks.
...so I was wondering if you would like to donate your cargo to help feed starving children.
...
What?
Starving childen?
This is a joke, right? Come on. You can't be serious.
tark'laaaaa
What?
starving children
Oh, don't go all bleeding-heart on me, for god's sake. It's probably some kind of con anyway. Look at his face. That look like a face you can trust?
I represent the Kukubian Children's Fund, sir. We are a registered, recognised and respected charity. I can show you my credentials, if you like. Here.
...he could have got those from anywhere.
Please, don't feel pressured into saying yes. I'll understand if you'd rather not. I know the children will too, bless them. So grateful for what little they do receive, but they never begrudge anyone for what they don't.
tark'laaaaaa
Alright, look...