The Let's Play Archive

Gazillionaire Deluxe

by Didja Redo

Part 30


...we'll do it. This once. If you start badgering us for more, I'm gonna find your starving kids and park my ship on them.
Oh, thank you, sir! Bless your heart! You can't imagine how much of a difference this will make. I'll tell the children all about you and your company. They'll worship you both, I just know it. Thank you.
Yeah. Great.
...
...
...
Well I wasn't gonna give you another excuse to bitch at me, was I?



Did you feel that, brother?
Yes. The scaled one and his friend have shifted the karmic balance for the better this day. May the cosmos respond in kind.
Let it be so.
guys
GUYS
look what i can do
...
Brother. Once again, you have been licking the Quaso Mutta.






guys are you looking








Incoming transmission, sirs.



This is Slev, Tark'la & Sons. Can we help you?
Ah. Good. I thought perhaps I get a wrong ship. Kukubian ships look all the same.
...
I'm fairly sure that's objectively false.
You are maybe interested in the trade of Exotic? I have much here I must sell soon. I will give you a happy price. No taxes.
Oh. I see. We don't need any smuggled goods, thanks.
Excuse? These goods are good goods. I do not smuggle. I have documents. Permits. All legal.
So why are you in such a hurry to sell it?
Because your Kukubian ships have too much slowness and delays. I will be three months late home. By then, the goods will rot and I will have nothing. That is why I make the price happy.
Alright, so what is this happy price, exactly?
One hundred of your kubars, each ton.






One sec.



Dude. Did I hear that right? 100 kubars per ton? For Exotic?
Sounded like it.
That's, like 350 kubars cheaper than the absolute minimum market price. The minimum price. Do you know how much money we could sell that for? A whole fucking lot of money.
And how convenient that we just emptied our cargo hold.
...
You'd better hurry up before he changes his mind.



Sold, sold and sold.



There. See how well that worked out?
...
Maybe those guys were right.
What guys?
On Mira. All that "money isn't everything" stuff. Maybe there really is something to it. I dunno.
You know, when you were away, I seriously thought about just selling the ship and calling it quits. Like, not just "Oh, fuck this", like you do on a bad day. All the time. And at first I thought it was because the cash wasn't there and things were tougher, but...really, I just didn't give a shit about getting rich anymore. And then I thought that was just me being mopey and it'd pass, but now you're back and I'm not being mopey, and...fuck.
...
I didn't really wanna deal with that smuggler, you know? I was just afraid we wouldn't be able to pay Zinn back. I mean, there we were, two hundred grand in debt, and then hey, here was two hundred grand. Almost seemed like the only way out. And there you were, still folding your arms and saying "No. We're not doing this."
I talk to you about having confidence. Fuck, you've got more confidence than I'll ever have. You've got the confidence to do this right, without any lying or cheating or bullshit. And seeing this, how the stuff we do comes back to us...I dunno what to think anymore. Other than maybe I've been kind of an ass.






That was more introspection than I've seen from you in the entire time I've known you. I'm a little frightened.
Oh, great. That's it, is it? I spill my guts and you just laugh it up?
What do you want me to say? If you think you're being an ass, and you don't like being an ass, maybe it's time to stop being an ass. You're a smart guy. You don't need me to tell you that.
Okay, but still. A little affirmation would've been nice. A pat on the back. Something.
How about a hug?
Alright, let's not go overboard here. Shit.







Yo. I gotta talk to your bosses.
Have you made an appointment, sir?
Nah. Figured I wouldn't need one.
Then in accordance with the wishes of Mr. Tark'la, I'm afraid it is with some trepidation that I must ask you to piss off.
...
Sir.



Dude, I'm serious. I just wanna get some advice. That's all.
I don't believe you. We are taking valuable time out of our day to visit our broker, just so that you can say "I told you so." That is what's happening here.



Oh, that's me. Hold on.
Sir? This is your pilot speaking.
What's up?
I apologise for interrupting any business, sir. Only there is a gentleman on board the ship who is very...insistent that he be granted an audience, sir.
Did he make an appointment?
No, sir. I did explain that he'd need to come back another time, sir, but I'm afraid I was met with some dissatisfaction.
Meaning...?
Well, he's placed me in a headlock, sir.
A headlock?
Yes, sir. It's quite uncomfortable, sir.
What's going on?
Someone's got our pilot in a headlock.
What?
Ah? Yes. Yes, of course, sir. Right away, sir.
He says I should inform you that his name is Nibble, sir.
"Nibble"? Do we know a Nibble, Slev?
...
Oh no. Isn't that Mr. Zinn's bodyguard?
...



Mr. Zinn, see, he wants to make an offer.
An offer we can't refuse?
Whuh?
Nothing. Carry on. Don't let us interrupt you.
He says maybe you want I should talk to your boys.
Our boys?
Your workers. See, you're payin' 'em too much.
Are we?
Yeah. Except I can talk to 'em. Get 'em to let you pay 'em the right amount.
...you're saying you'll coerce our employees into lowering their salary.
NO, Slev! How could you suggest such a thing? See, we're paying them too much. He's just offering to talk to them for us and clear up the misunderstanding. Totally legit. Right, Nibble?
Yeah. Totally legit.
Of course. I misunderstood. My mistake.
Yeah. And right now, I'm thinking that Slev and I need to head into the back room to discuss this entirely reasonable and not at all shady proposal.
'Kay.



Tark'la, there's no way we can do this to the staff. And it won't work anyway. It'll backfire somehow. It'll get traced back to us. The union will go nuts.
Right, right. I hear you. But...
No! No buts! I don't care how much money it'll save us, alright? This is wrong.
You think I don't know that? God damn. I'm not that fuckin' greedy.
Well good. Then-
BUT, how do you think Zinn's gonna take it if we say no?
...
I didn't think about that.
I kinda figured.
Look. I don't want to do this. Believe me, I really, really, don't want to fucking do this. But think it through for a sec. If we get Nibble to "talk" to them, they'll be getting paid a little less. On the other hand, if we get ourselves killed, they'll be getting paid jack shit.
We don't know that'll happen, though. Maybe Zinn won't take offence. Maybe he'll understand if we refuse.
Yeah. Maybe. Are you really willing to take that chance, though?






I'm happy to say that, after some discussion, we've come to a decision.
Yeah?
Shove it.
...whuh?
Shove it. I don't care where.
You're sayin' no?
Exactly. We happen to value our crew quite highly, and we don't think we're "paying them too much" in the slightest.
You're sayin' no to the boss? You want me to go back, to Mr. Zinn, an' tell him you said no?
I'm sorry, am I stuttering? Or do I need to use smaller words? We do not. Want you. To threaten. Our crew. Ever. If you touch our pilot again, I'm going to rip your testicles off and sell them as "Exotic."
Oh, and when you go back to Mr. Zinn, tell him that if we want his help, we'll damn well ASK for it. Now get lost.
Alright, alright. Jeez.



Why am I such a pussy?
Confidence. Some people have it, some people don't.
...
Jesus. I pay you a compliment and you kinda go a little wild with it, don't you?