Part 1: Here Tomorrow, Gond Today
Update 1: Here Tomorrow, Gond Today
1-Civilization 2 - Menu
Yes. And no, no it wasn't. Not a bit.
This was a very hard decision to make until I realized that Let's Gond should probably contain Gond rather than, uh, Aalu. That wouldn't make much sense.
I make no apologies tell no lies and offer no excuses. I do offer an explanation, though. Better yet, two of them!
1: this is Let's Gond not Let's Pro there's a man who did that a little while ago. We're here to Gond, not to Pro.
2: I am literally a baby and you shouldn't be mean to babies.
We make the first of many departures from historical canon: Stompy was a woman. I don't lie though. I won't tell this video game I'm a woman when I'm not. That would be impolite.
Well. It's not a BAD name.
But we can do better. Nothing like the classics.
2-Civilization 2 - Primeval World/Jurasic Jungle (SIC)
And with that, we begin. Here it is. Here is Gond. Glory to Gond. I guess.
Gond measures four hundred cubits by eighty cubits by nine hundred cubits and as soon as we discover what a cubit is we will be very impressed. It also has a population of 1, which we can at least understand. We can understand that because it's printed on that little flag next to Gond. Very helpful.
Let's take a closer look at it.
Now, this might appear somewhat confusing. Don't worry though, we can talk our way through this.
The little head (it will hopefully become a heads) in the top left is our people. A Gond without people is no Gond at all.
The map shows what tiles we are working and for what yields per turn. Gond can always work its own city tile, plus one additional tile for each person.
Yields include food (or wheat) trade (or orange recycling symbols) and production (or shields, or shit that makes no sense).
Currently producing, city improvements, units supported, and units present are all pretty much what they sound like.
I command the creation of an additional Coelophysis instead, for scouting purposes. I hope this is the right thing to do.
Most units in Civilization 2 are statblocks without exceptional qualities, and exceptions will be noted otherwise. Coelophysis here is worth noting: it is a TERRIBLE statblock without exceptional qualities.
While I'm at it, this unit catches my eye. It's sitting in Gond and it's not really doing much. I command its movement, and I also hope this is the right thing to do.
Wow, that Coelophysis built itself fast. Uh. Um. Build an Arena. Something not garbage.
Our scouts have barely left the city borders before they puncture sweet, sweet goodie hut to our southeast, earning a random reward. In this case, our reward is friends.
Much bigger friends. This is a Baryonyx, and it must have been very lonely all by itself. Gond gives it purpose and camaraderie and the command to get scouting right now mister. This guy can move twice as much per turn as our short-legged little Coelophysis can.
It is 498 million years before the internet and already someone is writing up best-of-lists and throwing shade at people. This is familiar and calming.
Also, we are indeed very Fine.
The world so far. It's very small, very green, and very damp. It could easily be confused with a frog. You must try not to do this.
Our Thecodontosaurus there is hard at work. It can build things. It can be useful. It can build things for Gond. Like a road.
Ah, and here's one of the bigger contributors to our mapping, at 3 moves a turn. This is a fish. This fish is not for eating, this fish is our friend. It is for Gond and it is our friend. Its name is Gyroptychius. Please do not call it Gyro. We want to remember NOT to eat it. Especially since it's found us such a nice spot. This little inlet is laden with Spice tiles, for lots of food. I think we will build our road this way. For later.
Not all huts are equal. Some are so lonely that nobody's home.
Maybe it's because we're already well on the way with the road to our next city, but I only just now realize that I should probably have someone to build it. Thecodontosaurus maintenance is very expensive, but the one I already have now is homeless and pays maintenance to no city. Therefore, rather than using it to build a city, I shall keep it building roads until it is old and obsolete. This is job security.
I'll just make a new one here, then build a city with it instead.
More huts. I don't know who's building these since last I checked there are four hundred and something million years between us and the invention of the opposable thumb, but that's not going to be the strangest building we'll see in this game so let's not worry about it.
This one is full of gold, which we apparently like. I'll accept this. Birds are dinosaurs. Birds like shiny things. Dinosaurs liked shiny things. This is logic.
Oh my. Now there's a turnup for the books.
It's not every day you learn something new. Evolutionary Advances are extremely important. They're the key to new units, new buildings, Wonders of the World, and sometimes just plain bewilderment. For instance, we are now capable of researching 'Teeth.' This would be very helpful indeed, because as it is I've no idea how any of our units are feeding themselves.
Therefore, I ignore the stupid and misinformed advice of my smartypants science advisor and decide to figure out these 'Teeth' things. Shut up, you don't even know how to chew yet, I won't listen to you.
Our Baryonyx forges onwards into the wild unknown, finding more and more shiny rocks...
...and disappointments. Can't win them all.
Just most of them.
Seriously, he's covering some good ground. And finding new spots for cities - all those grass tiles with shields gain +1 bonus production.
Speaking of cities...
Right. We're going to get this bad boy down the road and to his new, spice-laden home as quickly as we can; as long as he's alive he puts a crippling -1 production AND food to Gond, slowing its growth rate from 'feeble' right down to 'no.'
And the good news keeps rolling: our Baryonyx has found another friend in a hut! This Iguanodon isn't as fast as him, and it isn't as tough as him, and it's only exactly as strong as him, but...
...hmm. Well, it's still better than nothing.
Our fish, by contrast, has found no friends. Lots of land though. That'd be a nice spot for a city, with all those krill and ammonites in reach. Of course, that's a long ways away yet. Before we Gond abroad, we must Gond near home.
(CLICK HERE to hear the stirring patriotic thuds of Gondwanan labour at work)
Parcae is more productive than Gond, has more food than Gond, and commands greater trade than Gond. I'm beginning to suspect I might have chosen the wrong title for this LP.
Nevertheless, let's build an Arena here, so we may produce Veteran units. Just in case.
Through careful analysis, observation, and the deaths of dozens of volunteers, we have finally discovered what those funny little bumps inside our mouths are!
I have only the best feelings about this decision.
That's not my fish. That is someone else's fish! How unexpected; we've met someone new! A new friend!
NEXT TIME: DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, BLOODSHED.