Part 9: Trial - Office TalkAw yeah, welcome to the office talk section!
The theme for today, both in the office and downtown is "crippling depression", so let's get ROLLING.
- I refuse to subcontract any of my staff to some temp-agency you jerk!
In the spirit of budget cuts, how about we fire you? That ought to work!
They... he gets paid a million dollars? Replacing your staff with temp-agency workers saves a MILLION dollars?
Or is a "cool mill" like literally a chilly grain-grinder. Because "cool mil" is the correct spelling.
These two are basically the eternally-punching-bar-dudes of the office. Optimism vs. pessimism. Grumpy scientist vs. amoral lawyer.
I mean, depending on HOW you spoke to her, that might be anywhere from absurd to VERY generous. Throwing around the 'ol salty b-word is... well you might be getting fired anyway, so just go nuts.
Let this be a lesson to you Lit majors: you will all think this, once you find a job.
I mean, STEM people too, but we'll feel superior for some reason.
Yeah, if only you'd have stayed in your technologically-backwards, economically depressed rust belt town, life would be a peach, guy.
- Ouch, I wouldn't want to be in his bad books.
The guy is fair but also as fierce as he looks...
Ah heh... heh heh.
I mean, I feel the need to say again, we MILDLY pushed back against him ONCE. He's a LITTLE touchy, donchathink?!
- I hear there's no real point in applying. The advertisement is but a formality.
The position will go to the manager's nephew, as a sign of familiar solidarity...
- Did you file your financial report yet?
If not, then if I were you, I'd start to sweat...
- Relax, I've got plenty of time!
I want to ensure I account for each and every dime.
- Did you hear that Steph had a baby boy?
She could hardly seem to contain her joy!
- Good for her, she'll be a good mother.
Won't be long until she'll have another.
Yeah that's... that's some real office chatter there. I BELIEVE it, because it's unimaginably dull! It's like succeeding and failing at writing, at the same time!
Well, since we're apparently committed to behaving stupidly around her, let's check in on Dor-
GOOD TALK, BYE
This guy gets less informative every day, somehow. Tomorrow: "here's a neat story, written with ink!"
- Yeah, what happened to all the judo, and getting her fired?
You're looking pretty unhinged, and if anything, more tired.
- I don't want to talk about it guys...
I should have just moved my car...
I've tried to sincerely apologize...
- Hey man, are you feeling alright?
You seem like you've gotten a fright.
I'm just as surprised as you are, but that's some effective dialogue, right there!
I'm normally a "show, don't tell" enthusiast, but by... kind of doing neither, we're made to imagine what Doris did to this guy to break his spirit, and of course the possibilities are endless.
It's subdued, it's menacing, and for the VERY first time, I believe he might not go to the authorities about it! (Too afraid) ((Still doesn't excuse his buddies for not doing that)) (((or us, I mean, this doesn't fix the WHOLE story, it's just a nice moment)))
- My back is starting to get sore from all this mopping.
It's getting so bad, my spine has started popping.
- The acoustics of this new wing is something I hate.
Everything's got an echo here, which isn't great...
Oh whine whine WHINE. We gave you that human meat sandwich I mean regular meat sandwich, now get out of our way. We slept here overnight, and nobody noticed, so that means we get to go home without doing any work. R-right?
Hah! Not for us! We're dumb as can BE, and nepotism really came through for us!
- I don't think anyone noticed, so please don't tell!
I have to ensure they think I'm always doing well.
- I hope the stuff I spilled wasn't expensive?
I believe it was called dimethylmercury.
It seemed to make people apprehensive.
Ohhhh boy. That's a "two drops and you're dead" compound. It's not really used for anything, because of how unbelievably toxic it is, and the idea that any kind of non-employee would be allowed within a floor of it, let ALONE the fact that you could have spilled some ON YOUR FACE without anybody noticing is of course just pure comedy but, sure, she's dead. Let's console her!
- Dimethylmercury? You spilled some on yourself?
Time to place your career aspirations on the shelf...
OR WE COULD SAY THAT, SURE.
There's a fine line between being blunt and being a jerk Henry, and no there isn't, you're just a huge jerk.
- Haha you're just hazing right now, to see if I've got spine!
I got some all over my face but I'm feeling perfectly fine!
- Dimethylmercury is a neurotoxin from which you don't recover...
Soon the onset of mercury poisoning symptoms you'll discover...
- I should go home to see my mom...
She always helps me stay calm...
Whatever toots! It doesn't personally affect ME, HENRY THE PROTAGONIST, so no need to tell anybody!
Also, if she spilled it on her face, then more probably spilled on the floor, so look forward to us dying from mercury because we set foot in the wrong room.
Oh well, outside we go!