Part 50: Episode XXXIX: Planning For Retirement
Here we are at last: The Last Lands. While this is definitively the final areas of the game, it is NOT the point of no return. This game is actually nice enough to g:o Alright, sweetie. This is the final boss ahead! Heres a teleport back and forth between the overworld.
But thats a ways off. So lets head on in...
New Music: Regal Ruins
Our journeys final destination... Were here at last...
Are you ready?
Im just hoping theres no extra seals we needed to crack or hidden magical emeralds we forgot to obtain because of the whole floating island business...
*nods* Ive been ready all along, ever since we first set out.
*crosses arms* But... I see my role as sacrifice a little differently now... Before, I didnt really think about it... But now, along with my life, I want to pass on this hope... this hope that everyone has entrusted in me.
...If you say so. Im guessing theres no ticker tape parade once you finish your... business, huh?
Julienne advances forward and looks around.
*folds arms* ......
Are you looking for something?
Theres a toilet in the back below deck back on the Trebuchet. Probably our last chance before we head out.
What? No there isnt.
Then whats that closet with the seat with the hole in it for?
...The one by the bunks? That was just a closet with a small crate in it. What did you...?
...You know what, the ancient kingdom had all kinds of crazy technology. Im sure youll find something ahead.
Can you sense somethin?
Is it the great power you said you could sense here...?
I dont recall ever stating that... But...
Theres somethin inside these lands, aint there...
For many years, the sacrificial pilgrimages have brought peace to the whole land. Which means, in order for that to happen... Something has been taking place here, in exchange for those sacrifices. Learning the truth behind that shall also reveal the truth behind my kingdoms fall...
I feel like thats making a lot of assumptions...
I shall find out what dwells here, with my own eyes...
Im sure everything will be resolved in good time. Lets get into the Last Lands proper. The opening area is a frozen town. Sadly, we cannot enter any of the buildings here. They... pretty much just took the Floneian Citadel town assets and colored them blue.
The Last Lands township is home to regular enemy versions of the summon creatures Rhydderch (I spelled that from memory my first try) tagged in for his boss battle. The Deermon (now LESSER Deermon) cast Lightning. The Megaten enemies shoot a volley of wings. Literally no difference here.
In the northern corners of this map is Spritnite Eaten versions of these guys. Roid-rage Deermon have the ability to cast a Triple-Tech lightning attack that will certainly one-shot any of our characters.
Meanwhile, the Spritnite Eaten variants of the angelic hell-spawn get a decent buff to their attack abilities. But the key thing they do is just devour the entire partys MP. Every turn. So uhh... That sucks a whole lot! I took out both parties of Spritnite-Eaten boys in this region. But theres no a whole lot of reason to do so beyond material drops.
What is worth mentioning in the upper part of this iced-over town is the Masayume, a new lance for Julienne. Looks like the Masamune from Chrono Trigger got retrofitted into a spear. Sure, why not? Got any more Chrono Trigger references you wanna cram in before the end, game? This isnt even the last one this update.
Heading north, we find another gate which leads to a bridge containing a uhh... well, some kind of dinosaur... bull? Or uhh... The hell is this?
Ahh! A Dinotaurus... Of course! I should have known. It was so obvious... This optional mid-boss has exactly the type of attacks youd think it would. It can bite, it can charge, and smack the entire party with a spin of its tail. All of em do in the 75-100 HP range of damage. No sweat, right?
Heck, one good Grand Cross is enough to waste this guy in a single turn before he can even attack. But, there is a catch to this seemingly low-HP mini-boss.
Dinotaurus is a sore loser and upon death casts Meteo, which does in excess of 250+ damage to the entire party. This guy straight up full party wiped me out of nowhere the first time I played since there has been exactly one other enemy the entire game that pulled this (that giant fuck-off automaton from when Kir joined the team.) Kind of a dick move!
Anyway, once the Meteo casting bull-dino is slain, we can continue north to reach the Last Lands castle gates. As we do, Setsuna decides its time for a pow-wow...
From here, Ill...
*folds arms* You aint about to try tellin us youre gonna go the rest of the way alone, are ya?
Come on! Weve come this far together, you cant start being all polite now!
I dont want to leave you alone.
Wouldnt want you to get ganked by some demon deer round the corner. Thatd be a REAL dumb end to this mess...
Endirs right. We didnt come this far for you to start worryin your head now, all right?
Exactly! We cant really just wander off on our own separate ways from here, anyway!
*nods* Thank you, everyone... Will you stay with me... until the final moment?
*nods* Of course.
Uhh... is my mask on crooked?
Sorry to interrupt this moving little scene, but the rest of us are all coming as well, arent we? Right? Arent we?
Yeah... You go on and scout ahead. Well all wait for the all clear.
Uhh... Im good.
*stares blankly and unimpressed*
Theyre an awfully merry band about taking their friend to go get herself killed, huh? Alright, lets head on into the castle...
Music: Last of the Blood
Whats the matter, Julienne?
Youre not having... issues again, right?
No matter... It is just that standing here in the ancient royal capital like this is somewhat moving... My late mother also longed to return to this land.
Not to be insensitive but... can we just... not do a tragic backstory for your moms untimely end?
No tragedy to it. She choked to death on a bagel while eating alone. That is all.
...Oh. Umm... Sorry for your loss...
So your parents can rest in peace now, eh?
Yeah... Their daughter has returned to the royal capital!
*shakes head* Enough sentiment... Let us hurry on. Our journey... is not yet over...
Music: Regal Ruins
Time to tackle the Last Lands Castle. Despite the appearance of the township being quite large on the world map, were done with that. The castle, on the other hand, is four stories tall and it all looks just like this! The first floor of this area is infested with the same upgraded summon critters from outside.
But theres nothing else interesting here, so lets move right along to the second floor! Most floors do have loot, but unless its a new weapon Im not going to mention it!
There are monsters everywhere ya look!
Yeah, real paradigm shift from everywhere else weve been so far...
Ugh... You know what I mean.
How the hell did all the past sacrifices manage this?
*turns to party* Theres a long way to go yet... The place where the rites are carried out is much further on.
How do you know that? Have you been here before or somethin?
...Not that I suppose youre gonna answer that, eh?
Its pretty obvious the answer is yes. Just not the details.
*turns away* Its not only me whos been here before...
Hmm? What did you just say?
No... Id like some details on that too...
Lets hurry on.
Pffft... So what is it gonna be? Are you actually the manifested dream of some dead civilizations civilian population that got turned into magic statues carved into the side of a mountain somewhere around here...?
*turns back and looks at Endir like he just squatted down and dropped a deuce* What...? No...
Dodged a bullet there.
...Lets keep moving, guys.
The second floor of the castle is a party for palette altered fox girls and mushroom apes. Im past the point of going over differences in these nerds. Mostly because I did the entirety of this area going Get fucked! Grand Cross! to everything that looked at me funny.
Floor #2 of the castle has not one, but TWO new weapons for Kir, for some reason. The first is one of the Tron weapon set most everyone has gained at some point. It does slightly better physical attack and defense. The former of which will never be remotely useful to Kir, who will never hit more than a mosquito bite physically.
The other weapon is more in line with Kirs previous magical girl wands. It absorbs HP if you do physical attacks. Which youd never do with Kir so... Id like to say wed never use Kir again, so who cares. But... there is still a Kir sidequest to do later so ehh... We just wont worry about outfitting him for now.
Anyway! Lets move on to the next floor! This dungeon isnt QUITE as long as Ithees Ruins, since theres no backtracking and button pressing to progress. You can actually just run through this one avoiding most enemies and get through it in about 5 minutes per floor.
As we reach the third floor, Setsuna seems to have something on her mind. Or that ridiculous headwear is finally wearing down on her neck to the point she can no longer hold her head straight. Its hard to say...
Music: The World of Snow
Have you got cold feet?
I was just thinking... about my mom...
*glances at Nidr and slowly sidles away*
I wonder what went through her mind as she walked along here...
...Dont you remember your mother at all, then?
I was only little.
*shakes head* I see... Yes, of course...
But its strange... I can remember her warmth... Her kindness...
N-Nothing. So... You were saying...?
Its like our hearts are linked... I think they have been ever since I was born...
*looks down* I see... So she was a good mother, eh?
? Huh? Whatre you getting all teary-eyed for, old man?
*sweats* Huh? Oh... w-well... yknow... I lost my old lady when I was lil, too, so... So I just... yknow... found myself sympathizin with her...
Heh. Nice save.
*nods* Were alike, arent we?
Oh, w-well... perhaps... Ha ha...
Alright... Next floor! Its got a new variety of snakes! Thats about all there is to this floor.
There are two staircases up on this floor. One of em contains a dead end with a single silver chest. This one contains the Rainbow sword for Endir aka the ultimate weapon for Crono in Chrono Trigger. Everyone in Chrono Cross got a Rainbow type ultimate weapon too. But Chrono Cross had like fifteen different types of weapons including frying pans and fishing rods.
(I still like Chrono Cross.)
And thats all of note for the castles third floor! Moving on up to the next one! This dungeon aint too great! Theres another cutscene upstairs too.
Music: The Warmth of Life
Back when this was the royal capital, it was like the center of all civilization, right?
It is said that at its peak, the capital was more magnificent than we can even possibly imagine.
I see... Ill bet they had a lot of advanced knowledge about life, too... Once you restore your kingdom, do you think eventually youll get back that sort of knowledge, too?
There is no way to say for certain... but it is possible...
Oh man... Dont tell me youre pursuing necromancy next. That is messed up!
Its a bummer Setsuna is gonna die and all... but were not sticking electronics into her to have an undead corpse Setsuna running around! Thats a fed up thing to do. Thats not the answer...
What...? No, you idiot! Im talking abo
And we dont even know how this sacrifice thing works. What if her body gets disintegrated? Did you think of that, Kir? Did you think of disintegration?!
Endir, thats not what hes talking about...
*folds arms* A way to extend your life span, eh? I hope you find somethin, kid.
Oh, right... You like cut your life span in half for... some reason or other, huh? Totally forgot... My mistake... Bummer...
*rolls eyes* ...Yeah.
Once Ive seen Setsunas journey through to its end, itll be time for my own journey to begin! As long as theres a possibility, I wont give up!
Itll be a pretty rough journey...
I know it will... but theres nothing I can do about that.
Especially since I DEFINITELY wont be accompanying you... I suggest a lot of grinding before heading anywhere.
...Thanks. Youre a real friend, Endir.
Look, I could lead you on, kid. But I'll be real with you... You couldn't afford me to tag along on another journey.
Huh? ...You'd charge me?
Oh gawd... You know, I hate when people do this. "Oh Endir. You're one of that masked mercenary tribe, huh? You should totally run security for my wedding!" "Yeah, sure. Hit me up later and I'll send you my rates!" "GAAAAASP! You would provide your highly sought after services brought about by years of intense training at a price to even me?!" Yes, mofo! Pulling a solid for a pal ain't keeping the lights on!
...This is starting to sound like it's coming from experience. Tch... Whatever. As if I needed you.
That is the spirit, Kir.
*glances at Endir* Endir works in mischievous ways, you see... He said what he did deliberately, in order to put you on your mettle.
Or hes just being a dick.
You just dont know. Like I said... mind games!
*nods* It is not as if there is no hope at all. Infected by the monster blood, my body and mind were almost turned into those of a monster... But yet, with your aid, I now stand here, in the land of my ancestors. Once my kingdom is restored... The wisdom of my ancestors, now scattered around the lands, shall likely converge there. If you are able to find the knowledge you seek... Rather than search alone, I would think it wiser to place your hope in the wisdom of many.
! So youll help me?
*shakes head* I am a little offended. Are we not comrades...?
*sweats* S-sorry! Thats not what I meant... I just never imagined Id have a princess helping me out...
*nods* Thank you, Julienne.
It is I who must thank you. What sort of example do I set as a royal, if it is I who am in constant reliance on my comrades aid?
*fist pumps* All right! Things are looking up! Come on, lets go, everyone... Im going on ahead!
Music: Regal Ruins
Yippee! Kir might not have to die in his mid-20s. Lets hurry on and assure Setsuna is dead at 18, guys! Mostly by skipping through this floor, since there aint a damn thing new going on here besides different combinations of enemy mobs.
This floor completes the Tron weapon collection with a big blunt metal pillar masquerading as a broadsword for Nidr. This is... TECHNICALLY a better weapon than the tree trunk sword... I should switch Nidr to this but...
Hey, I dont think I ever explained the weapon upgrade system because it hasnt mattered and the game only gives you material for it by dropping a load of money up until now. Heres how the weapon upgrading works: You hit Y on the weapon you want to upgrade and if you have upgrade materials, you use one of em to buff the weapon. Like so...
Oh, would you look at that. The Iokan Sword is Nidrs best equipment still! Better just stick with that. Technically, its really easy to make ANY weapon the best in the game. Theres no real ultimate weapons in this game. The real difference is the unique attributes weapons have. Or if theyre funny. Like this one. And hey, boosted attack power on critical hits is pretty good!
Anyway, proceeding to the end of this floor finally gives us a save point meaning... you guessed it! Its time for a boss fight soon. Im going to preemptively switch out Aeterna with Nidr. We need our tree trunk wielding tank boy and the old standby BluntBlow for the next fight.
Heading on upstairs, its time for one more cutscene...
*faces Setsuna* Like you saw it in a dream, or somethin?
Its because of the spritnite.
Place is lousy with the stuff. I hear it causes memory loss if you use em too much.
Huh? ...Ive never heard that before.
Maybe it wasnt spritnite... Was it materia? Spheres...? No... Oh! It was those idiot child mercenaries that used GFs did that. Ugh... What a bunch of dipshits.
What is this... GF?
Dont worry about it. Seriously, dont... Its beyond dumb.
*nods* Yes, maybe... My heads been hurting since we got to the Last Lands... Maybe Im imagining it... Its a strange feeling... Its like... Its like theres something Ive almost forgotten, but not quite... like a vague childhood memory...
Well, its probably nothing! Lets just move right long through the next door to...
Ugh! No... Not this chucklefuck again. Im still mad about that cutscene where they didnt just murder Reaper because Setsuna is extraordinarily idiotically merciful that one time while having no problem murdering scores of other monsters. Oh well... Whats done is done. Tune in next time when we fight Reaper for a fourth goddamn time... Maybe well even kill him this time! It should be a real hoot!