Part 10: , take 3: Spelunking, cont'd.
FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCKING AGHSGKLSDH I'VE CRASHED TWICE IN ONE UPDATE FULL OF RAAAAAGE
Rage and updates, that is.
Update #9, take 3: Spelunking, cont'd.
We last left our party facing what we thought was the entrance to the goblin fort.
We were wrong.
Just more caves.
Bloody hell, more caves. I hate caves.
I know! I'll never be able to wash this smell out of my unitard!
You...you made a unitard out of studded leather armor.
I sure did! I could do something with your outfit if you'd like. And, you know, if you actually were wearing anything.
You're such a Sally.
We should all just...get along, man.
Good idea. Especially with that small horde of orcs charging us.
HWAAAA, IS GOOD TIME TO DIE, PUNY ORCS!
So, Urggzob and the others make short work of the orcs. Amazingly...
...these baddies not twenty feet away from our grim mêlée slept through the whole ordeal.
Oh my. Well, I have just the thing...
You don't intend to--
I intend to.
You immolated a group of harmless, sleeping orcs.
I certainly did.
You must be so proud.
The combination of these thrice-damned caves and your neverending sass wears me thin, woman. Be glad you got the chance to witness my firey fury without any of you getting in my way, for once.
Honestly, he makes a very good point.
We come upon a drum. It was apparently to be manned by the sleeping fellows, who met a recent untimely demise. Investigators would suspect arson played a part in their deaths.
Urggzob CRUSH drum!
We know you don't like drums, Urggie. Do you have to yell it every time you see one?
...yelling gives Urggzob a sense of fulfillment that crushing alone cannot.
After finishing the drum off, we see in a cage these...things.
Good lord. What the devil are those...things?
What's the matter? Afraid of a few terrible mutant tentacle beasts?
Tentacle what now?
Pah. With these bars in the way, there's nothing to stop me from toasting them all from well beyond minimum safe distance.
So we do just that.
Urggzob thinks Fire man should have let him go into the cage and do some crushing.
Fine. Next time we come across some horrible mutant death beasts, we'll let you have right at them.
Urggzob can find no fault with this agreement.
Investigating the holding pen, we stumble across the corpse of some huge, long-dead monster.
Eeww! You'd think they could at least properly dispose of left-overs!
I, uh...don't think abyssal tentacle hell-beasts have much concern for etiquette.
OF COURSE THEY DO! Manners are for everyone.
Some violence and looting later, we come across this hunk of crap.
Wow. This bit of junk is almost as ugly as Urggzob.
I said almost, babe. You're still tops in my book.
We need to hold onto that. It may be useful.
What? Fine. Clobberella, you carry it.
Carrying right along, we come across this jolly imp.
See what all your violence has done?
A firm "kill everything" policy has done nothing but serve us well, and you'll not convince me otherwise.
So, we proceed to hack, bludgeon, stab, and burn our way through a group of baddies vaguely associated with that red demon spawn we killed earlier.
Astonishingly enough, the goblins in the area don't attack us.
Maybe they want to talk!
Yeah! We might be able to make it out of here with some new buddies!
Fine, I'll try reasoning with them.
Way to go. Dick.
It's hardly my fault these savages can't fully comprehend my magnificence.
Man...why do we even let you talk to people?
...objections withdrawn. Please don't set me on fire again.
Urggzob has had a good meal of crushing and destroying this day!
That makes less sense than most of what you say.
Hold it, what's this?
Thank the heavens. I was running out of space in my pockets with all these gems and necklaces. Let's carry right along, shall we?
Jesus, how many orcs and orc look-alikes does this damn cave system have? It's verging on ri-god-damn-diculous, it is.
Uh...what's Urggzob doing?
Hm? Oh. Oh no. Nobody move.
Shh! He's been charmed! If he sees us he'll go wild and attack us!
Pish. As though there was any worry of that lout actually noticing things.
Amazingly, Urggzob recovers from the charm spell without laying utter waste to the rest of the party. On the bodies, we find:
Another hunk of crap.
Wonderful, now we have a matching set. Here, Clobberella.
I'm not a mule, you ass.
Popular opinion decides otherwise. Onward!
A little bit of fightin'...
...and we find ourselves at the stairs to what we can only hope is freedom and fresh air.
See those symbols on either side of the staircase? They're wards. I wager those stones we picked up will protect us from whatever painful and destructive trap they had in wait for us.
Ooh, nice! How do you know all that?
I'm an abjurer. I specialize in protective magics, and wards are certainly that.
Feh. No problem we couldn't have solved just by throwing Urggzob at it.
No! Urggzob is large, and none of you little girls can throw him anywhere!
That's not...never mind.
Next time: The fortress proper, for real!
I am truly becoming a force of nature.
I didn't know "asshole" was a force of nature.
Laugh while you can, woman.
Urggzob has killed so many foes! All of them were weak and useless!
We need to have a talk about violence one of these days, man.
Little man needs to have a talk about BE QUIET BECAUSE URGGZOB IS MADE FOR CRUSHING!
I gotta say...life's gotten much better since I realigned my chi.
Ooh, that sounds fun! Can you rearrange my whatevers?
...no. And I shudder to think what you'd be like if I could.
Yeah. I've killed fewer beasts, baddies, and goblins than anyone else. I still think we can all get along.
I must say I'm appreciating how much I've learned so far. I just wish our "helping people" was less centered around destroying anything that doesn't want to pay us.
You'll thank me when you retire young and rich.
Pip, you killed that spider?
I hate spiders.
It was bigger than you are!
I hate spiders.
It could bite steel bars in half! Not to mention that you'd fracture under a stern glance!
I. Hate. Spiders.
...you know what? Never mind.
I hate spiders.
Huzzah, it worked for once! Quick question, for yous folks. I can't seem to get WaffleUpload working in Vista, and I'm kind of tired of uploading pictures one at a time. Am I missing something terribly obvious? Any help would be appreciated.