Part 28: Too many brains, not enough zombies
I like the cut of Bettik's jib, actually, so similar to what he says: some creative work of any format either about the party's exploits, the trail of destruction they leave in their wake, or about them in general. I'd be tickled pink if we could get a theme song in there some point or another.
So help me god if I see one haiku I will personally find and kill Chewbot just so I can unleash his angry ghost on you
In no particular order, there will be three prizes:
-A copy of Icewind Dale II!
-A forums upgrade and/or Gift Cert.!
-A fabulous mystery prize to be unveiled upon the declaration of the winners!
How will you pick winners?
I'll be judging on personal reaction, reaction in the thread, and opinions of real life friends I may or may not trust!
How much time do I have?
Don't worry! I'm setting a deadline of July 1st, so you have a metric ton of time to get something done in!
Any other questions? Shoot me a PM if you have Platinum; otherwise lemme know in-thread. Now, on with the show!
Update #27: Too many brains,
We left our intrepid party (+Sigmund, the flesh golem) outside the Sorcere camp, ready to be on our illithid-killin' way.
Sigmund? Seriously? What kind of name for a flesh golem is Sigmund?
If you don't like Sigmund, maybe we could call him--
No. No, this is all your fault.
Krusky? You're starting to sound kinda scary...
Scary just doesn't BEGIN, Pip! I have a golem now, and I'll not have you RUINING things for me any more!
But Krusky, I--
AND I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING ME THAT! Golem, with me! ATTACK!
Good god, man. Yeah, he was annoying, but was that really needed?
Oh, shut UP, you self-important prick! I've had enough of your drivel!
Okay, this has to stop, Fairhair. Much as I hate Napalm, you're a menace to the rest of us.
Oh, and what do YOU mean to do? Be sarcastic at me?
You can't even wear PANTS, for crying out loud! I've become a powerful wizard, and I don't think you'll be stopping me.
Hah! Is funny to Urggzob!
And you...you were useful, but like a rabid dog, it's time I put you down...
Urggzob will miss little girly orc-man.
I think not.
DO YOU HEAR THAT, GODS? IT'S ALL ME, NOW! Kruskrak Fairhair, man of wisdom and power!
Bwa ha ha ha ha haaaaa!
Are you alright, man? Your eyes were kinda glazed over there.
I, uh, sorry. I was daydreaming there.
Ooh, fun! What about?
Just the usual.
Moving on after our rest to the doors we saw earlier, the party comes across a mind flayer and his retinue.
Things go as always, with our group. Violently.
Is time to CRUSH squishy-headed mind-talky things!
Eew, squishy heads. I like them a bit firmer.
I'm struggling not to make the joke here. I'd best go do some killing.
Mind Flayers are an incredibly good target for Otiluke's Resilient Sphere; they're fairly powerful casters who can also dominate party members VERY easily. Best to negate them at the start of a fight, and deal with the muscle first.
...and then play the waiting game.
Urggzob calls first hit when bubble vanishes.
Whatever; just kill it quickly.
This one wants my stone too, doesn't he? He can't have it.
Good gracious. That thing died faster than you can say "Sure Bennick, a spot of tea would be lovely this hour."
Don't be thick. One of my manservants back home.
I'd like some thick manser--
STOP MAKING IT SO EASY PIP, SERIOUSLY.
Another day, another door...
I bet so, man. I bet so.
Urggzob, you're hanging around Napalm too much if you start yelling things like that. I'll go get the archers.
Illithid's in a bubble. No worries there.
Well, this is boring. High time for a bit of fire.
I'm on to you.
Hell, you have spell resistance now?
Absolutely. I'm in tune with the natural magic energies of the earthly planes.
I'm going to have to call bullshit on that one.
That, or you've blasted me so much my body's built up a resistance.
There we go. I like that one better.
Squishy-head is out of bubble! HA ha!
Ew, that was pretty brutal.
As we progress further into the area, though, it becomes apparent that it's no ordinary cave...
Man...it's a maze. Sorta.
Well, it...no, nevermind. Nevermind.
That was odd. I mean, even by his standards.
Just a bit further on, we see more chatty mind flayers.
As a note, I had to sit through this conversation three full times. For some reason, it triggered each time one of them came into view.
As retribution, I had Heronius, Urggzob, and co. dispatch them with prejudice.
Well, prejudice and a time-worn tactic.
Napalm, look out!
A mind blast...? Mr. Napalm, are you alright?
Oh my word! The golem!
Wow, man. You don't swear too often.
I...I can't get it to stop. Urggzob, kill the golem!
Crush meat man! Now!
Hah, can do!
Stop stop stop! Don't crush Napalm too!
Aww, punch lady is no fun.
I hate fun. I thought you would know that by now.
Eventually, Napalm recovers, none the worse for wear. We briefly mourn the passing of Sigmund, but then press onward.
As a note, there's golems that wander the maze spreading a blue gas that lowers our Wisdom temporarily. They're neutral besides, and would kill the hell out of us if we attacked them.
We find this guy guarding the exit, and Urggzob has...words with him.
Well spoken my good man. Couldn't have said it better myself.
What? Urggzob just wants headboots. For booting heads. He he he.
If that's not morbid, I don't know what is. I think we should look into this "elder brain" before we leave, though...
And so we do. It's at the center of the maze, naturally.
What, that's it? Brains in a jar? Pah. No jars will be the end of Heronius Napalm V, esq. and company.
Crush crush crush! Urggzob lays waste!
Uh oh, looks like this thing can mind-dominate too. Urggzob, look out!
Urggzob cannot speak! Urggzob is CRUSHING! Find a secretary Urggzob has not crushed--
--crushed or raped, and have her take a message!
That didn't work so well. Look, there it got him.
I have at least one trick up my sleeve. Watch out.
Fun game mechanic time! If a party member is dominated, you can counter-dominate him. In this case, by having Kruskrak cast "dominate person" on Urggzob, Urggzob reverts back to being party friendly. We have no control over him, but at least he'll attack whatever's hostile to us, which right here...well, it's a lot of bad guys.
...after much more violence...
...the Elder Brain and its cronies lay down and die, like the chattel they are.
That was all pretty gruesome, guys. Why didn't we...you know, just leave? I know Elder Brain was probably trying to kill and enslave everyone in the area, but...
Hold on. I think my point fell apart somewhere along the line.
We leave. As becomes tradition, we're greeted by an ambush.
Guys, I was wondering...
That's always a treacherous process. What about this time?
Why is it when we come across a doorway or something like it, we all six hop through at once, instead of just looking through it to make sure it's safe?
Your plan has merit, but lacks the certain...panache that Napalm Company truly requires.
I twitch every time you say "Napalm Company."
May want to have a doctor look at that.
Hands off, Marty.
'Ronius! They're stealing your color scheme!
Those bastards! No mercy, chaps!
Yes! The only kind of mercy Urggzob enjoys!
Guys, I'm going to flank and see if I can't get a few better spells off.
Oh my giddy aunt. That was a poor idea indeed.
Eventually, we find ourselves knee-deep in dead golems, harpies, and wizards.
Urggzob does, at least.
Hah, refreshing. Like a spring breeze made entirely out of axes and the chunks of Urggzob's foes.
I don't think I like spring wherever you're from.
Ooh. Little man would hate autumn, then.
Let's see what the wizards were carrying, yes?
Wow. I'm the only person who CAN use that cloak, and I'm the only person who would WANT that amulet. Hurray for me.
Who gets your blurry cloak, then?
Why don't you take it, Pip?
Hell and damn. Here I had just gotten used to adventuring without short people to deal with.
Yes, we've had a fair too many of those, too.
We board the ship, and off we go.
PRAISE THE GODS, it's warm here! I can feel my legs!
You wear any less and we'll ALL be forced to feel your legs. Seriously, woman, have some decency.
Can it, toasty.
Hey, randomly appearing bad guys and temporary paralysis. Haven't seen this schtick before.
Urggzob, did you just outsmart someone?
Urggzob was just trying to start a fight. This feeling is strange and Urggzob hates it.
You get used to it, actually. Good show!
Heck, I've got these guys. Haven't gotten to use my Club of Disruption lately.
There we go. I just bet this place is full of all sorts of fun for us.
I bet they'll send us on a trite errand.
Don't tread on my dreams, please. I have so few of them left these days.
There you go. See you next week!
Kruskrak, can I have a word with you?
Of course, Marty. Go ahead.
Why...why didn't you have a scene of killing me in your daydream, earlier on?
I mean, one thing I'm there, next I'm dead. Heck, everyone else got to say something, at least.
I...I'm not sure I, uh...know what you're talking about, Marty.
We both know what I'm talking about, Kruskrak. I'll drop it for now, though.